Is it bad to be a go-to person?

[PQ]

Originally Posted by heRS

Don't get sucked in by emotional vampires. They are the ones who just want to gripe and gripe and get you all feeling sorry for them so you feel bad too. Don't try to fix things for them. Most of the time people just want to be heard, by telling their story a lot of times they can sort it through and fix it themselves. (or not - their choice). Listen, nod, and let it go. Their issues don't need to be your worries.

Right out of the gate. First reply was fantatic.

Originally Posted by Zeus

Nice guys finish last.

And is one reason I always seemed to win some and lose some.

Originally Posted by Redemption

I will add: Make sure that YOU have someone to talk to and confide in.

That's us. lmao

Originally Posted by 2ndgenz28

Its only bad when the girl you like call you a "friend" cause of that.

Then dates a jerk.

I've been married for 18 years, but I do remember that.

[Synerbee]

Originally Posted by BackinBlackSS/RS

Listen and be genuine with them, but don't get sucked in. Listening and helping people is one thing, being drawn into emotional quagmires is quite something else.

I know. I really don't say anything unless asked something. But I know what your saying. I am gonna try harder at that.

Originally Posted by Zeus

Nice guys finish last.


Those who care less hold the leverage.

Isn't that so true

Originally Posted by Dave Coyle

I was that guy many years ago also, people (friends) knew that if they told me anything that it stayed with only the two of us, I never told any other person what someone had told me. I was just "someone they could talk to". I never let what they were telling me get into my head and influence how I thought or acted. You can do the same, your friends trust you enough to tell you what has happened to them, just remember there are two sides to every story!!!! I found that maybe 1/2 of the stories told to me were 100% true. Good luck, your friends need you if only for you to listen to them.

I know what you mean. If two friends get in fight I usually I hear both sides of the story "without both of them knowing" and I piece together the argument and usually they got mad for something the other person didn't do.

Originally Posted by FenwickHockey65

From someone who's often in the same position as you are...

Offer advice only when asked. Other than that, just be a good listener.

I will definitely try to talk less

Originally Posted by justmeron

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am a medical social worker, when I was young I was like that. Everyone came to me cause I was "easy" to talk to. You know the old saying walk a mile in my shoes. Well If you have ever put on someones shoes that are broken into their feet they will hurt your feet if you try to wear them. Don't put on their shoes or problems in this case. You can objectively try to listen and relate but don't put on those shoes. Good luck it can be very hard to be objective if you have a personal relationship with someone.

I see what your saying I definitely will try to stop.

Originally Posted by justmeron

I always say there are at least 3 sides to every story. yours theres and the truth. Emotions can distort things.

Very true. That why if it in one of my circle of friends I find out the real story

Originally Posted by v6sonoma

I'm usually a sounding board for most people. I just listen to their problem and if they ask I give them my evaluation of the situation and then my opinion of what I would do. Then I say it's your life and YOU need to decide whats best for YOU. Sometimes there's nothing that can be done and they just need someone to vent to. A lot of the time just getting it off their chest helps a little. I try and just be there and available.

Yeah I know my friends need someone to vent to. I usually just list options and negative effect of each and let them choose.

Originally Posted by 2ndgenz28

Its only bad when the girl you like call you a "friend" cause of that.

Then dates a jerk.

That happens so often. Everyone who vents to me is a girl, and that cycle happens more often than I change my shirt "figuratively, for most part"
"why can't every guy be like you"
"your the greatest thing that happen to me"
yet they go for the drug addict that physically abuses them. Some stuff i'll never get.

The way I learned to get a girl to like me is to act like I don't care about her, and that she is worthless piece of crap

[2ndgenz28]

Yea women are all full of it, never believe anything they say about what they want, love songs and sappy poetry is out, they want John Wayne, James Bond, The Dice Man, and The Weasel rolled into one.

Upstanding
Daring
Boastful
Fun

[Synerbee]

Originally Posted by 2ndgenz28

Yea women are all full of it, never believe anything they say about what they want, love songs and sappy poetry is out, they want John Wayne, James Bond, The Dice Man, and The Weasel rolled into one.

Upstanding
Daring
Boastful
Fun

A new disturbing trend I am seeing is abusive. I could never sink so low, but that what popular right now.

[bob vogel]

Originally Posted by Icandrivejustnotlegally

I know. I really don't say anything unless asked something. But I know what your saying. I am gonna try harder at that.



Isn't that so true



I know what you mean. If two friends get in fight I usually I hear both sides of the story "without both of them knowing" and I piece together the argument and usually they got mad for something the other person didn't do.



I will definitely try to talk less



I see what your saying I definitely will try to stop.



Very true. That why if it in one of my circle of friends I find out the real story



Yeah I know my friends need someone to vent to. I usually just list options and negative effect of each and let them choose.



That happens so often. Everyone who vents to me is a girl, and that cycle happens more often than I change my shirt "figuratively, for most part"
"why can't every guy be like you"
"your the greatest thing that happen to me"
yet they go for the drug addict that physically abuses them. Some stuff i'll never get.

The way I learned to get a girl to like me is to act like I don't care about her, and that she is worthless piece of crap

there is truth in all of what has been said here. you will find your own truth inside yourself.the girl that tells you all her problems is the girl to stay away from, she is saving you time. stay strong inside ,you'll be fine.

[bigted83]

No it's not a bad thing, just don't let their problems get u down, just listen and don't try to solve. I'm bad at trying to solve them.

And I know the whole girl has u for a friend and dates a prick.

[Synerbee]

Originally Posted by bob vogel

there is truth in all of what has been said here. you will find your own truth inside yourself.the girl that tells you all her problems is the girl to stay away from, she is saving you time. stay strong inside ,you'll be fine.

The problem is I never acted like I liked them or anything. Just been friends like everyone else I know. Most of them know I don't like them, but apparently I seem like perfect person to talk to.

Originally Posted by bigted83

No it's not a bad thing, just don't let their problems get u down, just listen and don't try to solve. I'm bad at trying to solve them.

And I know the whole girl has u for a friend and dates a prick.

One day they'll realize that the guys they go for never work out.

Originally Posted by Redemption

Great advice above!

I will add: Make sure that YOU have someone to talk to and confide in. Everyone needs it to some degree. And choose who you talk to carefully...

That was my mistake: Not taking care of myself and always wanting to take care of others.

J

I need to find someone like that. I have problem trusting people. So I just stay quiet about anything I see or any problems.

[2ndgenz28]

Originally Posted by Icandrivejustnotlegally

The problem is I never acted like I liked them or anything. Just been friends like everyone else I know. Most of them know I don't like them, but apparently I seem like perfect person to talk to.



One day they'll realize that the guys they go for never work out.



I need to find someone like that. I have problem trusting people. So I just stay quiet about anything I see or any problems.

Just wait for the right one, and while you wait. Don't worry, you won't go blind and it helps prevent prostate cancer.

[Synerbee]

Originally Posted by 2ndgenz28

Just wait for the right one, and while you wait. Don't worry, you won't go blind and it helps prevent prostate cancer.

That gave a good laugh

[wylde1]

A few quotes I try to live by

"There's 2 sides to every story and the truth is USUALLY somewhere in the middle"

"Chicks dig nice guys, they just don't have sex with them"

"I'm too drunk, to taste this chicken"

[GTAHVIT]

Originally Posted by 2ndgenz28

Just wait for the right one, and while you wait. Don't worry, you won't go blind and it helps prevent prostate cancer.

Along with this ^


The best advice I was ever given....

Don't waste your time and emotions wanting someone who doesn't want you.

When I got that through my thick head. I had so much more fun and eventually met my wife whom I love very much.

[PQ]

Originally Posted by wylde1

"Chicks dig nice guys, they just don't have sex with them"

.............

So true. I didn't start getting more action until I started to not give a damn.

[Synerbee]

Who said I like everyone? and yeah I usually just don't care about anyone, but I mean it hard to ignore a girl when she cries when your with her.