Is it bad to be a go-to person?

[Synerbee]

I realize that a lot of my friends open up to me. I always get told I am nicest person to talk to, and that I am only person they trust. I always hear everything from a little a fight with their parents to being raped, and everything in between. I really like helping people, but some times these stories make me really sad. It makes it harder for me to look at someone the same way as before. I always find myself asking about their days, and stuff just incase something bad happened. Sometimes someone gets mad at me for it, but for most part they think it thoughtful. These stories always feel like I got an extra weight on my back, and makes me see the world in a negative way.

[heRS]

Don't get sucked in by emotional vampires. They are the ones who just want to gripe and gripe and get you all feeling sorry for them so you feel bad too. Don't try to fix things for them. Most of the time people just want to be heard, by telling their story a lot of times they can sort it through and fix it themselves. (or not - their choice). Listen, nod, and let it go. Their issues don't need to be your worries.

[BackinBlackSS/RS]

Originally Posted by heRS

Don't get sucked in by emotional vampires. They are the ones who just want to gripe and gripe and get you all feeling sorry for them so you feel bad too. Don't try to fix things for them. Most of the time people just want to be heard, by telling their story a lot of times they can sort it through and fix it themselves. (or not - their choice). Listen, nod, and let it go. Their issues don't need to be your worries.

Listen and be genuine with them, but don't get sucked in. Listening and helping people is one thing, being drawn into emotional quagmires is quite something else.

[Zeus]

Nice guys finish last.


Those who care less hold the leverage.

[CamaroSpike23]

Originally Posted by BackinBlackSS/RS

Listen and be genuine with them, but don't get sucked in. Listening and helping people is one thing, being drawn into emotional quagmires is quite something else.

[Dave Coyle]

I was that guy many years ago also, people (friends) knew that if they told me anything that it stayed with only the two of us, I never told any other person what someone had told me. I was just "someone they could talk to". I never let what they were telling me get into my head and influence how I thought or acted. You can do the same, your friends trust you enough to tell you what has happened to them, just remember there are two sides to every story!!!! I found that maybe 1/2 of the stories told to me were 100% true. Good luck, your friends need you if only for you to listen to them.

[FenwickHockey65]

From someone who's often in the same position as you are...

Offer advice only when asked. Other than that, just be a good listener.

[justmeron]

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am a medical social worker, when I was young I was like that. Everyone came to me cause I was "easy" to talk to. You know the old saying walk a mile in my shoes. Well If you have ever put on someones shoes that are broken into their feet they will hurt your feet if you try to wear them. Don't put on their shoes or problems in this case. You can objectively try to listen and relate but don't put on those shoes. Good luck it can be very hard to be objective if you have a personal relationship with someone.

[justmeron]

Originally Posted by Dave Coyle

I was that guy many years ago also, people (friends) knew that if they told me anything that it stayed with only the two of us, I never told any other person what someone had told me. I was just "someone they could talk to". I never let what they were telling me get into my head and influence how I thought or acted. You can do the same, your friends trust you enough to tell you what has happened to them, just remember there are two sides to every story!!!! I found that maybe 1/2 of the stories told to me were 100% true. Good luck, your friends need you if only for you to listen to them.

I always say there are at least 3 sides to every story. yours theres and the truth. Emotions can distort things.

[WadeWilson]

Originally Posted by BackinBlackSS/RS

Listen and be genuine with them, but don't get sucked in. Listening and helping people is one thing, being drawn into emotional quagmires is quite something else.

/\ THIS. Very well said.

[Redemption]

Great advice above!

I will add: Make sure that YOU have someone to talk to and confide in. Everyone needs it to some degree. And choose who you talk to carefully...

That was my mistake: Not taking care of myself and always wanting to take care of others.

J

[Ivas]

Es peor ser una jo-to persona.

[v6sonoma]

I'm usually a sounding board for most people. I just listen to their problem and if they ask I give them my evaluation of the situation and then my opinion of what I would do. Then I say it's your life and YOU need to decide whats best for YOU. Sometimes there's nothing that can be done and they just need someone to vent to. A lot of the time just getting it off their chest helps a little. I try and just be there and available.

[2ndgenz28]

Originally Posted by Icandrivejustnotlegally

I realize that a lot of my friends open up to me. I always get told I am nicest person to talk to, and that I am only person they trust. I always hear everything from a little a fight with their parents to being raped, and everything in between. I really like helping people, but some times these stories make me really sad. It makes it harder for me to look at someone the same way as before. I always find myself asking about their days, and stuff just incase something bad happened. Sometimes someone gets mad at me for it, but for most part they think it thoughtful. These stories always feel like I got an extra weight on my back, and makes me see the world in a negative way.

Its only bad when the girl you like call you a "friend" cause of that.

Then dates a jerk.