Hi guys

[tones2SS]

Originally Posted by L99CAMA2011

He came over quite a bit and she wants me to be accepting of him and other male friends coming over to her house if I am not around.

Dude,..........seriously read the above sentence over to yourself out loud a couple of times. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but be careful man! She wants to be bringing dudes around while she's with you and wants you to "accept" them, I don't know about that. And, she wants to be bringing them home when you're not there or at work?!? WHHHHHAAATTTTTT?!??!
Just make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. GOOD LUCK!

[atma]

ok, obviously I don't know you and I only have the information you gave us in your original post, so keep in mind that's entirely what i'm basing this on.


when I go shopping for clothes, sneakers, music, etc. I have a rule I always adhere to: "if it's not a yes, it's a no." if I look at a shirt or listen to a song and I think "this is pretty good. not sure if I want it" then no, I don't want it. if I buy it, I'm gunna regret it. there'll be another shirt that jumps out and says "YES!" so why waste my money on this one?

now, marrying someone is a way bigger deal than wasting a couple of bucks on a pair of kicks. if you don't feel overwhelmingly compelled to marry this girl that you're 100% unquestionably in love with and ready to spend the rest of your life with, then just don't do it. even if she's not cheating on you, there's obviously something about the way she handles her bidness that you're just not in tune with. sounds like you really wanna get married, but this isn't the one. this is just the one keeping you from meeting the one. I know it's harsh, but it's like a band-aid. make the decision, rip it off fast and never think about it again. it'll hurt for a little bit but you'll be fine in the long run.

[L99CAMA2011]

Originally Posted by atma

ok, obviously I don't know you and I only have the information you gave us in your original post, so keep in mind that's entirely what i'm basing this on.


when I go shopping for clothes, sneakers, music, etc. I have a rule I always adhere to: "if it's not a yes, it's a no." if I look at a shirt or listen to a song and I think "this is pretty good. not sure if I want it" then no, I don't want it. if I buy it, I'm gunna regret it. there'll be another shirt that jumps out and says "YES!" so why waste my money on this one?

now, marrying someone is a way bigger deal than wasting a couple of bucks on a pair of kicks. if you don't feel overwhelmingly compelled to marry this girl that you're 100% unquestionably in love with and ready to spend the rest of your life with, then just don't do it. even if she's not cheating on you, there's obviously something about the way she handles her bidness that you're just not in tune with. sounds like you really wanna get married, but this isn't the one. this is just the one keeping you from meeting the one. I know it's harsh, but it's like a band-aid. make the decision, rip it off fast and never think about it again. it'll hurt for a little bit but you'll be fine in the long run.

I appreciate this a lot but she is the one that actually pushes the getting married thing and being that I knew her for over a decade and honestly outside of the relationship she is an angel of a person no sugar coating. Aside from this other guy friend thing she and I are a match made in heaven and that's why I am bent on making it work and honestly there isn't much needed to be done just suspicion of foul play. And honestly guys she is the one that has been cheated on and fooled by other men in her past. She is honestly a great person that's why I see her as the one for me. There is very few things I see wrong like 2 or so but there is like a million things I do like about her. And honestly about the shirt that you're not sure of thing well here is the real story, no woman or man in this world is without flaw, who ever I am with there will always be something I don't see fit, but her she is very compatible to the point that she knows how to hit the spot when it comes to pleasing me when there is no issues.

[jewel25]

It you are doubting her now then it isnt the right time to put a ring on it. No one should pressure the other into marriage.

[PoorMansCamaro]

ummm...here's the thing, there has to be compromise, and there has to be communication.

How does she react when you talk about this other guy? have you talked to her about him, and how that situation makes you feel? If she's really defensive, that's a red flag. She needs to put herself in your shoes, and see how she would feel, if you had a girl that you hang out with, without her. If it's true love, she wouldn't have a problem not hanging out with another guy, when you aren't around. Also, snooping around with other peoples phones/messages, is a no-no. But then again, there should be nothing to hide from either party. Again, something communication will fix.

You have to build trust. If they are hanging out all the time, there's something wrong. if it's just once in a while, then it's all about how much you trust her. if you don't, then it will never work. If she's pushing marriage, then she should understand how you feel about the whole situation.

[atma]

today my ipod played these two songs in a row. made me think of this post.



I hope this:



doesn't lead to this:

[Cobra Kai]

no way man move on
the relationship is meant to work fairly smoothly- when I hear you say that there are times she doesn't want you around or need you or she gets mad and doesn't talk to you for a week or has guy friends coming over I think you're asking the wrong questions. Instead of asking if those things are good or bad that she's doing or innocent or not I would be asking if I have to bend myself to adjust to that or not. Do I have to accept that or not? I don't like stuff like that.

I think that even if that stuff is innocent why do you have to have that in your life? To put it in camaro terms, I have friends that have to beg and plead and reason with their wives to buy the car they want. With my wife, she doesn't question me on these things. If I made bad decisions, she wouldn't be with. So she trusts my judgment and I buy whatever car I want. I don't give my wife grief because I trust her and she has earned that trust. That's the situation you want if you're going to do something as hard as marry someone. You don't want those extra ingredients that make life that much harder when it doesn't have to be that way. If someone didn't talk to me as an arguing tactic that wouldn't be something I could live with on a regular basis.

[Cobra Kai]

Originally Posted by 11BEE

I have many female friends and have never thought of them in a sexual way.

you're a better man than I am!

[greenisgood]

you want to trust her but your instinct tells you something isn't right. Trust your instincts, not her.

[BDBiker]

I have seen too many of my friends in the same boat as you, from the outside looking in, they are fools. When I tell them as a friend that they are making a mistake, they brush it off because they are blinded by LOVE. In EVERY CASE, I was correct and they later said that they were thinking with the wrong head and should have listened to my advise.
Going only on what you have said, you are thinking with the wrong head, move on before you regret it. If you insist on being blind, have a ironclad prenup before you get married. My best friend is currently kicking himself in the butt daily because he didn't listen to me.
Good luck!

[Overflow]

There are so many red flags in this.

Trust your gut.

[Envy]

Originally Posted by L99CAMA2011

I have this partner that wants to marry me really bad and claims that I am the one for her. She loves me a lot and I can see this but there is a close male friend of hers that my instinct questions big time. Before we got together, she claimed she was single for 2 years and wasn't at all intimate with anyone period. I found this hard to believe since there was 2 boxes of For Her Pleasure Trojan condoms in her drawer, there were unopened . Ok so I give her the benefit of the doubt and trust this. At times she acts like she doesn't need me around and talks about this ME TIME thing a lot. We see each other on weekends and maybe 4 hours during the week. We both have very busy work schedules during the week. But I question when she goes on like she doesn't need to hear me at times. There has been a few times that we had it out a bit and she didn't want to talk for a week. It was a small issue and the issues was about this close male friend that my mind questions a lot. She claims that they were never intimate but yesterday she left her facebook messages on the screen and I saw a message like 2 months before she and I got together that said, "are you still coming over, I have something for you and this time you don't have to ask ,heart / wink at the end of the message. Do you think this may have meant intimacy or maybe a piece of cake she baked. I was about to buy an engagement ring but now feels very .

From a girl's perspective I see several problems with your OP.

1. "I have this partner that wants to marry me really bad and claims that I am the one for her." VS "At times she acts like she doesn't need me around and talks about this ME TIME thing a lot."---These two statements are not only in opposition to each other but they register miles apart on the commitment scale...so she's either crazier than hell or has a split personality and neither one makes a keeper.

2. You already admitted that you only see each other on weekends and a few hours during the week but she needs MORE 'me time'??? And if she needs more time away from you NOW...how much 'me time' will she need when you live together?

3. Her dealmaker is your dealbreaker and that's a huge problem. If she was totally in to you then she wouldn't be spending time with other men in the first place...out of respect to you and your relationship. But it sounds to me like she's keeping some doors open and that doesn't say a lot about her feelings for you.

4. Wake up and smell the FN coffee dude!!! You're way too old for me to have to tell you this...a girl that isn't getting any doesn't keep SEVERAL BOXES of condoms in her bedside drawer.

[atma]

at this point, seems this dude only posted this 'cus he already made up his mind to buy what this chick was sellin' and he was lookin' for confirmation that he wasn't makin' a huge mistake. he got none. EVERYBODY (including the last two posts, which are from female perspectives) says this is a mistake, but he continues to try and justify it. dude, i've been you before, except I didn't come anywhere close to marryin' that chick. the simple fact is, the very thought that you asked a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice means you're already too unsure to EVER marry this chick. walk away. if it makes you feel better, hop on christianmingle.com and find another chick before you break up with this one. just please don't marry that lady.

[L99CAMA2011]

Originally Posted by greenisgood

you want to trust her but your instinct tells you something isn't right. Trust your instincts, not her.

Yeah but my instinct also told me to buy Eibach R1 coilovers over Bilstein Pss10s and now I am looking at $1500 down the drain on Eibach crap , honestly my instinct has been misleading me a lot lately.