Stepson in trouble....

[Ladybugsmom]

Originally Posted by Moriartii

Why did he bring the knife to school? I haven't seen that point addressed? Get to the root of the matter then beat his ass.

I would not pawn the kid off on the school system especially since it causes a financial burden but I do agree the kid needs some good consequences. Got a hole that needs dug? Have him dig a hole, then fill it in, then dig it again - kind of like the hard labor mentioned earlier. Got rocks or bricks that need moved?

Cheers
K

He was asked that MULTIPLE times last night - kept saying "I dunno" ... The person he showed it to on the bus was a girl. Our best guess is he was trying to impress her with the knife that he STOLE out of his mom's car. The driver was the one who caught him. I'm not suggesting "pawning off" parenting responsibilities to the school. I'm suggesting he learn that his REAL actions have REAL consequences, even though I know it will burden all 4 of his parents! If he would have shown the girl the knife in the scool cafeteria, I'm sure the lunch lady wouldn't have just called his mom - he'd be already expelled by now.
Hard labor is a good theory - we do have a lot of yard work that needs to be done. But the kid plays football and is in good shape. It's gonna take one HELL of a lot of work to make him really feel the pain. Hey - it's worth a shot, and my rose garden will get cleaned up in the meantime!

[ron10]

sounds like you may have a potential problem child there.put the fear of god in him.he needs a nice insperational talk and the business end of a belt.if my father was still alive,he could get your attention.

[2001ragtop]

Originally Posted by ron10

sounds like you may have a potential problem child there.put the fear of god in him.he needs a nice insperational talk and the business end of a belt.if my father was still alive,he could get your attention.

You said the child is a "problem child", but you didn't ask why the child brought the knife to school.

1) What kind of school is this? Is this kid dealing with gangs? Is this a public school? Does he feel unsafe ? Has anyone attacked him in the past? Is he a good student? Is he a potential drop-out?

2) Will the step-mom PLEASE explain if the child is bringing the knife "for self-defense" or just carrying it around for no reason.

3) If he is riding a bus, this sounds like a public school. public school = place where anyone from any walk of life (no matter how deranged they might be for the rest of their life) is sitting on the bus/or 2 feet away from you in a classroom. That alone could be frightening, depending on your neighborhood.

4) Please talk to your son and find out if he feels threatened at school. Warn him that someone else could grab his knife and slice him with it and then say "they" felt threatened. TELL him "worse-case" scenarios just for walking around with a weapon. Example: Like, when people have guns. Usually at some point, someone gets the gun and a fatal accident happens.

[Ladybugsmom]

Originally Posted by ron10

sounds like you may have a potential problem child there.put the fear of god in him.he needs a nice insperational talk and the business end of a belt.if my father was still alive,he could get your attention.

Ya think???? He was a problem when he was younger, neither parent would discipline him, I actually went so far as to kick my hubby and him out of my house (this was before we were married) partly because of his behavior! I thought he had changed his ways once he got into football, he really was behaving well. Then, raging hormones kicked in and the ONLY thing he worries about is impressing girls - not in the right ways, apparently...

[2001ragtop]

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

Ya think???? He was a problem when he was younger, neither parent would discipline him, I actually went so far as to kick my hubby and him out of my house (this was before we were married) partly because of his behavior! I thought he had changed his ways once he got into football, he really was behaving well. Then, raging hormones kicked in and the ONLY thing he worries about is impressing girls - not in the right ways, apparently...

Your step-son sounds normal. You should find a creative outlet for him to keep him occupied or to obtain affirmation in life. All (straight) guys like to impress women. What he should do is use women as a motivation to be successful. You could tell him that. MOST women like guys who have goals in life.

Explain to him that he can get any woman who wants if he just stays out of trouble and behaves in a high class way. Encourage him to think about the future. Warn him that there are no jobs available and he might want to think about college. But if he wants to work at Walmart till he is 65, tell him you respect his decision to do so. Warn him to use protection if he is fooling around with any girl who says yes.

I believe you can "reach" that kid if you just look him in the eye and tell him you care about him and you don't want anything bad to ever happen to him. Just look him in the eye and be serious. Try to offer to help and TRY to be empathetic. Put your hand on his shoulder. Don't treat him like he is worthless, or he will behave like that.

[Steve Dallas]

Send him to military school...

[Ladybugsmom]

Originally Posted by Steve Dallas

Send him to military school...

I told my husband about some of the replies to my post, especially the military school part, and he said "No, he'd actually LIKE it!" He used to say he wanted to be a Navy SEAL, so maybe he would like it - but I have to agree with at least considering the option, because he wouldn't be the tough guy for very long.....

[Stingr69]

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

I agree with a lot of what you say. BUT, I'm the stepmom - I can give advice, but ultimately, it's not up to me. I'm for corporal punishment, but at some age it stops working, and I think it was around 8 or 9 for my stepson. So, I don't think a spanking did much good. (my hubby did spank him last night).
The bus driver found it - so, technically, he was on school property... She just happens to like him, so she called his mom rather than turning him in... Who knows? Maybe she will turn him in today when she gets to the school...
I like the ideas of touring the jail - scared straight - we know some LEOs, see what we can do....
Thanks for all the input! We would really like to turn my stepson around before he really heads down the wrong path....

I have a 17 yr old stepson and the only way for me to keep my sanity and marriage intact was to mentally dissasociate myself from the "strong parent" role in my stepson's life. Earlier in his life I noticed that he did not learn what I was "preaching" but he did learn how to "preach". It was like looking in a mirror only what HE was saying was a load of crap. He is such a bonehead! I have since limited my involvement to supporting his mother and preventing any seriously unsafe activity or disrespect to the family. It works better that way for everyone. She has the parent job, I will advise her (and him) and let him be more responsible for his actions. I like to think of this as as planting seeds for the future. You reap what you sow but it takes a while. You do not want to teach him to be mean. My stepson is far from what we would like for him to be and what he could be, but he has positively surprised us here in the last few years. The grades are a constant battle due to his lazyness but the ACT scores show that he is not a dummy so we are backing off. He IS a good kid but he is the laziest person I know. You have to let them find themselves at some point.

Keep being involved, prevent any dangerous activity and stay on top of the things that are most important. Let the little stuff go and see if he can figure it out for himself. JMO.

Good luck!

-Mark.

[Steve Dallas]

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

I told my husband about some of the replies to my post, especially the military school part, and he said "No, he'd actually LIKE it!" He used to say he wanted to be a Navy SEAL, so maybe he would like it - but I have to agree with at least considering the option, because he wouldn't be the tough guy for very long.....

It's better if he "likes" it. It'd teach dicipline, and they WILL be tough on him. As you said, he might not like it for long once the reality of the situation sets in.

[Skyblu]

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

My stepson got in trouble today for bringing a knife (a hunting knife with about a 4 inch blade) to school. He got caught on the bus, and the bus driver just called his mom about it instead of turning him in to the principal. Lots of discussion about what to do about it. His mom is taking away everything he owns, my husband wants to beat his a$$ (I stopped him, not because I don't believe in spanking, but because I don't think it will be effective at his age - 12). I think he needs to face a real-life consequence - tell the principal, let them dole out the punishment. This is where there's some disagreement... School policy on weapons is automatic expulsion for one calendar year - which puts us into a hard position, hurting all the parents involved by having additional expenses for transportation out of district or someone having to stay home with him... What would you do????

I think I would keep him out of school for a year,send him to one of those juvenille boot camps to teach him some lessons and respect and then send him back to repeat the same grade the next year. And when he did come back home there would be no door on his room,only his bed and clothes that would be it until he proved he knew how to act properly.By law you only have to provide food,shelter and clothes nothing else, it would be the bare minimum if were my child.It sounds like he has several issues that need to be addressed now before it really gets out of hand. Just my opinion and I mean no disrespect to you or your husband at all, it's hard to raise kids especially when they aren't yours naturally.

[Ladybugsmom]

I was just doing some online research on military schools and things like the boot camp style places to send misbehavin' kids. The closest all boys military school is in southern California, and it's $32k per year... While I think it would be good for him, I'm not so sure it's feasible at that price.....

[Russell James]

First of all, the school bus driver should be fired.

I mean how big of an offense would it take for her to actually report something like she is supposed to. It was a fricken deadly weapon. Principle and police should have been called immediately. If that never happened, it should happen now.

Instead of worrying about additional expense for the other parents if this kid is out of school, you should be worrying about their kids getting killed by a weapon being brought to school. What if one of their kids brought a weapon to school? Would you call the police? I would in a heartbeat, and they'd better get there quick because the little felon would be in a headlock begging for mommy.

That kid should never step foot in that school again. Period. End of story.

[Skyblu]

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

I was just doing some online research on military schools and things like the boot camp style places to send misbehavin' kids. The closest all boys military school is in southern California, and it's $32k per year... While I think it would be good for him, I'm not so sure it's feasible at that price.....

Wow, I had no idea it would be that much,but then again they do have to put up with alot worse than your stepson probably. Just curious what does your stepson say about all this? About all the hassle he is causing you guys by clearly doing something he knew would get him into this kind of trouble? I don't know what other avenue I would take at this point,maybe talk to the school resource officer if they have one and see if there are any other programs to help rehab him along with whatever you choose as punishment at home.

[Dr Jkel]

Unfortunately today kids don't get black eyes and come home, they now have weapons ie... a knife. a 4" blade can kill someone. There is a bigger problem than breaking the rules. He felt the need to take a weapon to school, of course we all know it is wrong but in his mind he justified it for whatever reason. Not real good.

IMHO I would personally taken him to the local Juvenille Detention Center for the day and let him see how the other half lives, they may have a local program, take him to the local battered kids shelter again to let him see how they live. Talk with local law enforcement and let them have an encouraging talk with him. If he like sports let his coach talk with him.

There is someone ion his life that he will respond to. He is 12 not 22 and unless he is 6'8 325 lbs you can control him. Is it tough? yes ma'am it sure is. Is it worth it? yes ma'am
Just looking from the outside completely it appears that the child is looking for attention. When children do not get attention ( positive) they figure that ANY attention is better than none. You see this alot in split families. Sometimes the kids are just being manipulative but that manifests itself quickly and is easy to fix.

If he wants to be cool, then make him a nerd. Don't buy the cool cloths, I am sure the school has a program where parents can sit in on students classes or mirror kids school days, at least our school district does. It only took one day of me sitting in school, going to lunch, acting like qa big nerd, asking all kinds of questions, sitting right besides him, telling all kinds of stories, really embarrassing him and my 14 yr old decided it was time to behave, do his school work, do the right thing and no more visits were required.

JMHO