Stephanie Just Can't Behave.

[GJG]

Originally Posted by firengnred

Not entirely. I have four children from my first marriage. Only a five year age difference from youngest to oldest. All raised in a loving home by the same two parents, under the same set of rules and expectations. Their personalities range from lazy unemployed pot head to college grad on their way to being a doctor.... I say alot of it is genetic predisposition. The proverbial good and bad seed.

but mostly.....and it is not possible to raise different aged children the same.....we learn and apply things without even realizing it to subsequent children....we mature.....etc.....

none of which gives one an excuse to be a "bad seed".....

family systems is something i have lot's of skoolin' in.....

[truth411]

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

So she got in trouble with me today for not cleaning her room and having filthy plates and stuff in it. She has been told time and time again no food upstairs. We are also having the carpets cleaned tomorrow and she was told her room had to be clean.

So she leaves for a doctor appointment and leaves 2 friends in her room. I walk by her room and see the mess and all the dirty dishes. I tell these kids she is now in trouble and have to leave. I then talk to Kathie and she says tell them if they want to stay then clean her room. They start to clean her room and they someone comes and gets them and they leave.

Now on Facebook she says she is going to key man car and is asking for friends to come and help. I do not know what to do with this child. Constantly disrepectful to myself and even her mom at times. If my car ends up getting damaged I do not know what I will do. I am printing out and documenting what she is saying in case I decide to turn her in to juvie along with all her friends that like the idea and say they will help.

The joy of being a step dad. I keep saying 2.5 years and she will be 18 and want to move out. There for a while when she had cancer she was the sweetest kid, but now back to the pain she was before she got sick.

Don't know the background of your situtation, but my parents were always supportive of one another and united when disciplining me. They never contradicted each other in front of me or my brother, they would decide what they want to do, then execute it. I grew up in a very rough neighborhood, so they were very strict about order and discipline, even if I did not say "Yes Sir/Mam" or "No Sir/Mam" I could get into trouble. I think my Dad and Mom being on the same page and haveing the perserverance to correct every hint of wrongful behavior help turn me into the man I am today. So here is what I would do, its time for some serious tough love now or things will be even more hurtfull when she is an out of control fully grown woman. Tough love won't work without your wife's support, cause the child will just play one parent against another. I would go to your wife, discuss what is the vision for your family, then discuss how do we get there?? Then discuss punishments (real punishments not "Time Out") if rules are broken. I would then have a family meeting and have her talk to both of you about how she feels (I bet she says something along the lines of "You treat me like a child" etc...) give her the freedom to speak whats in her heart freely and try to remain objective. Set the example, admit your faults (if any), apologise and begin discussing in a loving but athoritive manner (no Yelling) how things are going to change in the house. I would also say no cursing in the house, and have her say "Yes Sir/Mam" and "No Sir/Mam" when talking to yall. No there is nothing magical about that, but it does set the "TONE" in the house, also if she does good reward her and praise her for it. If you and your wife are on the same page sand seriously disciplin her when she acts up, combined with rewarding her and praising her when she does good, combined with perserverance/consistancy (very important) she may begin to come around.

Just my .02

[2ndgenz28]

Originally Posted by n!ght r!der

swinnnngggg

"Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?" -Bender

[v6sonoma]

Hang in there. It's not easy being a parent.

[GJG]

Originally Posted by truth411

Don't know the background of your situtation, but my parents were always supportive of one another and united when disciplining me. They never contradicted each other in front of me or my brother, they would decide what they want to do, then execute it. I grew up in a very rough neighborhood, so they were very strict about order and discipline, even if I did not say "Yes Sir/Mam" or "No Sir/Mam" I could get into trouble. I think my Dad and Mom being on the same page and haveing the perserverance to correct every hint of wrongful behavior help turn me into the man I am today. So here is what I would do, its time for some serious tough love now or things will be even more hurtfull when she is an out of control fully grown woman. Tough love won't work without your wife's support, cause the child will just play one parent against another. I would go to your wife, discuss what is the vision for your family, then discuss how do we get there?? Then discuss punishments (real punishments not "Time Out") if rules are broken. I would then have a family meeting and have her talk to both of you about how she feels (I bet she says something along the lines of "You treat me like a child" etc...) give her the freedom to speak whats in her heart freely and try to remain objective. Set the example, admit your faults (if any), apologise and begin discussing in a loving but athoritive manner (no Yelling) how things are going to change in the house. I would also say no cursing in the house, and have her say "Yes Sir/Mam" and "No Sir/Mam" when talking to yall. No there is nothing magical about that, but it does set the "TONE" in the house, also if she does good reward her and praise her for it. If you and your wife are on the same page sand seriously disciplin her when she acts up, combined with rewarding her and praising her when she does good, combined with perserverance/consistancy (very important) she may begin to come around.

Just my .02

[Synerbee]

Venting about your daughter publicly is not always best idea...
My friend use to be just like her. She had problems with being made fun of by people at school. She always used to lash out at me and her family, but at the same time I knew she had problems so I just forgave her every time. She might just having problems outside of house you don't know about just give her time everything works itself out.
Or you might be doing something she hates without realizing it.

[jmaryt]

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

Guess you are coming down on me. You have not had to spend 13 years trying to raise her and have her treat you like shit everyday. She is a child that thinks she does no wrong and everyone else is always wrong. She even tells her mom to FO. That is not right in my book.

i agree!..it would appear that at a certain age,they tend to lose respect
for the parents!..you actually begin to doubt yourself,however you realize that they are just trying to be independent,and you have to begrudgingly accept it!
if ya try to discipline them too much,you will feel guilty because you are affecting their self confidence,and self esteem,so ya kinda back off,and hope they can get through it by themselves,coming out on the other end after a few more years with a sense of renewed respect for what you tried to do with them!..good luck!

[PQ]

Ass beatin's always kept me from trouble.

Plain and simple. But she's too old for that already. I got no advice. I don't know.

I didnt' get into trouble growing up. Certainly never talked to my stepfather or mother like that.

Laugh if you want, but I didn't.

It wasn't because I had some higher sinse of moral compus,

I just didn't want my ass beat.

It was fear of consequence that towed me.

And after a while I grew used to a certian behavior.

And accountability is my strongest teaching word to my kids.

[Capthowdy]

Call the dog wisperer..they did it on southpark for Cartman..seemed to work on that little Dbag....LOL...I kid I kid.......just trying to be funny....

[speedster]

Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D

Guess you are coming down on me. You have not had to spend 13 years trying to raise her and have her treat you like shit everyday. She is a child that thinks she does no wrong and everyone else is always wrong. She even tells her mom to FO. That is not right in my book.

Scott -

It is tough. Anytime Steph would like to call, I would be glad to talk. May not make a difference, but you never know. PM anytime.

[Synerbee]

Originally Posted by Capthowdy

Call the dog wisperer..they did it on southpark for Cartman..seemed to work on that little Dbag....LOL...I kid I kid.......just trying to be funny....

I remember seeing that

[JasonK]

I feel for you. I hope that your wife is on your side when it comes to discipline. It's not like the old day when you can spank kids. Being a step parent has to be one of the toughest jobs out there....

[Scott@Bjorn3D]

It is really tough because my step-daughters dad was killed when they where real little. So in raising them my wife has the main disciplinary role with them. So the girls have pretty much gotten whatever they want. I am the one that will come down on them about breaking stuff and rooms being junky and things like that.

I hope with Jackie once she gets out in the real world in 7 months (Going off to College) she will see that some things I tried to teach her about life and money will start to sink in. Right now she gets a dime she spends it, major shopping freak. I have been making her pay for most of her car repairs and she does have a job now and is paying for most of her stuff.

Stephanie is just know where near the level of starting to understand life as Jackie is. She has talked her mom into letting her drop out of public school and take online schooling. That starts this next semester. I do not know if Stephanie will ever graduate from high school with that happening.

Very frustrating. OUR son, who I actually get to discipline hardly ever gets in trouble and is a straight A student. He does chores and gets paid for doing them. Heck he even was selected to take the ACT college entrance exams and took them last week with Jackie. He acts up from time to time but no where near what Stephanie did at his age or now.

I love my wife and the kids and that is why I stay in our marriage, Stephanie has been trying to get us to get a divorce since she was little. Has had DHR called on me twice. Never time did they find anything. One time the took her to the doctor with brusies on her upper arm and she said I grabbed her. The doctor look at it and said can't you people even see the teeth marks? She had sucked and bitten her own arm trying to cause a problem,

Why am I talking about this here you may say? Well I take allot of you have kids you have raised and may give me some advice or at least someone to discuss it with.

[infernoinandout]

Open handed is disaplin
closed handed is abuse