12 year old daughter

[Sir Nuke]

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT......I was in the EXACT same boat. the ex did that to me when we were married......and I was always protrayed as the "BAD

GUY"....it was a LONG time till my kids knew different.....it took till they really grew up, fore at her age now.....you won't be able to tell

hewr any different.....The advice I have for you is to just give her all the love and support you can.....and when she need you, for whatever

reason, be there for her.....and there will come a day when she will know.....You are the very best dad she could ever hope for.

[csjcsj]

One of the things I don't like about my ex is the fact that she let her other 2 daughters do as they please, just like she is doing with our child together! Both of them quit school in 9th grade, she didn't say a word to them, were letting boys spend the night and sleep in the same bed (I tried to say something but she wouldn't listen to me on that matter), and her oldest which is 28 already has 3 kids 1st one being born when she was 16!

I just don't want my that happening to my daughter when she really gets into boys! And thanks for all the opinions!!!!

[Z28RockStar]

Originally Posted by csjcsj

One of the things I don't like about my ex is the fact that she let her other 2 daughters do as they please, just like she is doing with our child together! Both of them quit school in 9th grade, she didn't say a word to them, were letting boys spend the night and sleep in the same bed (I tried to say something but she wouldn't listen to me on that matter), and her oldest which is 28 already has 3 kids 1st one being born when she was 16!

I just don't want my that happening to my daughter when she really gets into boys! And thanks for all the opinions!!!!

Bro get proof then get custody, my best buddy is going through this exact issue, it is very difficult to deal with a seperated POS parent, I feel for your circumstances, what my buddy suffers at the hands of his X better half is unmentionable and incomprehensible. I will pray for you bro! Being there for that child is the best thing you can do, sounds like she will need you. I agree on your position regarding your x's prior kids and hope you'd be able to press charges on her should you get proof, best of luck, I admire your strength in caring for your kid!

[SSE 4 2SS]

Originally Posted by Michael_Js

I pray you find something to keep it together with her. My ex had her own solution - brainwash my 2 daughters so they never want to see me again. It worked perfectly...

My ex tried that, it backfired in her face when they got a little older...they saw right through what she had been trying, and they have some resentment towards her for it...

[BackinBlackSS/RS]

Originally Posted by camarossrs2150

alprazolam works all the time for me .

Originally Posted by camarossrs2150

xanax in other words.

I hope you don't take these everyday. They will cause WAY more problems than what you are trying to fix. Get off them or you could be heading down a road you don't want to be on.

[Synerbee]

I put her on the pill when she 13 or 14. I know some girls who get around a lot if you know what I mean.

Not saying she like that, but it better safe than sorry. You never know exactly what's going on. Some guys are really demanding and if she thinks he is the "one" she might not be strong enough to say no.

[Mr Twisty]

It's time to be her dad... You can be her friend after she's grown. Stay the course

[d69chris]

Stay the course, your doing the right thing.

She will understand and appreciate it when she is older.

Don't forget, she is pissed off you guys could not hold it together and has to be bounced between houses and extended families.

You just have to be more understanding, she has no control.

Not judging, got divorced when my boys were 3 & 6. 21 & 24 now and they understand.

Didn't make the hell I went through for 15 years any easier, but we created the situation!

[Dion_1969]

Don't underestimate the powerful effect of honesty. Tell her your reasons for your rules and then let her earn her exceptions. She cleans her room and gets some extra cell time but don't negotiate with her. Reward her for things she does, don't bribe her to do things. Another good tip I've heard several times is to allow small rebellions. A nose ring vs a 16 yearold boyfriend with a motorcycle and a nose ring of his own...

[v6sonoma]

As a child of divorce I was pretty lucky. It all depends on your relationship with her mom. If she is at all receptive to you (guessing not) try talking to her about your concerns and come up with rules you both can agree to enforce. If that isn't the case then I would say talk your daughter and explain that your rules are in her best interest. You are enforcing them because you care and that if you didn't care you wouldn't have any rules. She may not like it but in the long run hopefully she will see what you did for her. Hang in there.

[Iroczlover]

you fathers of Divorce are lucky that you get to be part of your childrens lives. as a child of Divorced parents i was NOT allowed to see my father because, the courts saw him as unfit.

Sit your daughter down, & tell her that your rules are for that way you guys can spend time with her. start spending nights with her watching WHAT she wants, eating dinner with her. Taking her out to things you do, if you do dragracing, take her. Let her ride in your car. If you show the car, Take her to a car show, ask her if she wants to bring a friend as well. believe me this works.

Last time we took our kids to our clubs Christmas party, on the way home we invited my sons girlfriend to join us on working on cars & to some events & my 12yr old daughter spoke up, stating she wishes her dad will spend more time with her & she wanted to help working on the cars to. That it seams that its more him & our son then her & him doing it.

Well today we needed to get my rear brakes done on my truck, & the tranny serviced in his Bonne, so they did that today. When I went to town to pick up parts she went with me. when he went to go take the bonne out for a test drive she went with him, while our son stayed in the house watching the fire, to keep the house warm.

[Big Brunsy]

Originally Posted by csjcsj

One of the things I don't like about my ex is the fact that she let her other 2 daughters do as they please, just like she is doing with our child together! Both of them quit school in 9th grade, she didn't say a word to them, were letting boys spend the night and sleep in the same bed (I tried to say something but she wouldn't listen to me on that matter), and her oldest which is 28 already has 3 kids 1st one being born when she was 16!

I just don't want my that happening to my daughter when she really gets into boys! And thanks for all the opinions!!!!

If all of that is happening then it really wouldn't be all that hard for a lawyer to prove that your ex is an unfit parent and you should be able to get custody of your child. The only problem is if mom lets her do whatever she wants then maybe she'll want to stay there. at 13 they can choose who they want to live with.

Originally Posted by Iroczlover

you fathers of Divorce are lucky that you get to be part of your childrens lives. as a child of Divorced parents i was NOT allowed to see my father because, the courts saw him as unfit.

Not saying that your father was unfit, but some parents really aren't cut out for raising kids. And I woulnd't consider any single (noncustodial) father lucky. The states have child support so outrageous that it makes it hard to live off of one job while the mother cashes the checks and uses it to go on vacation (without the kids) and for parties, and other uses taht don't have anything to do with the kids. I know what it cost to raise my kids before I got divorced, I just don't understand how that cost could go up 4 fold just by getting a divorce.

[csjcsj]

Not saying that your father was unfit, but some parents really aren't cut out for raising kids. And I woulnd't consider any single (noncustodial) father lucky. The states have child support so outrageous that it makes it hard to live off of one job while the mother cashes the checks and uses it to go on vacation (without the kids) and for parties, and other uses taht don't have anything to do with the kids. I know what it cost to raise my kids before I got divorced, I just don't understand how that cost could go up 4 fold just by getting a divorce.[/QUOTE]


Amen to that(child support)! I do not complain about paying it one bit but as I stated earlier I get my child every other week and I have to pay child support to her mother even on the weeks she don't have her. And yes when we first got divorced they were going on vacations every 3 to 4 months, while I sat home because I really couldn't afford to take a vacation for having to pay

And yes I do spend time with her and try to involve her in as much as possible!

[PAUL SS]

Kids can learn to live with two sets of rules, you just have to enforce yours. She is not your friend, she is your CHILD. Always give her two choices, the one you want her to pick and the other that is one nobody on the planet would pick.