Someone Read And Respond Quick! Just Had A Bomb Dropped On Me

[TRooper]

Originally Posted by Ambitious09

What do I do?

www.nomarriage.com
Bookmark it, live it, thank me later. You are still very young, and sound like a smart kid based on being in school on scholarships. Spend the money you saved up on something that you really want.

[BlessedChef10]

Coming from a "just live your life" background as most. It never made me feel complete. Until I met my wife. She had a child at 19 and I knew that was part of the "deal". I was 25 at the time and lost. Shortly after I met her I became a Christ follower. The biggest and best thing I have ever done. Again this is my opinion,You can live your life and have fun, but never trully be happy. I can say by my own experience it hasnt always been easy. However the reward of a family and God's blessing has more than made up for the hard times. We have been married for 7 years now and we have 2 beautiful girls together.I can also honestly say that God blessed me with my Camaro. But that's a different story.
It seems in your situation that you need to put it in God's hands and ask him what direction he has for you. Everyone is going to tell you what they would do. But only God will tell you what you need to do.

[Dave Coyle]

As TwoAcho stated, your age does not state your maturity level. I too married at 20 and my wife was 19. We dated for 3 years before our first baby was on the way and decided to get married. That was 32 years ago April 29th and we are still married, had 3 children and have 4 grandchildren with two more due before the end of the year. Only you know if this is what you want, I'm sorry for not stating that in my last post. The reason I told you to get your finances in order first was because I didn't have mine in order and that was hell for the first few years but as I said, my wife and I LOVED EACH OTHER VERY MUCH and that helped us through those times. You have to have trust to make a relationship work and if the both of you DO TRUST each other you will be able to work from there.
Again, only you know these answers, none of us really know you two. Good luck and best wishes to you.

[BlessedChef10]

Very well said and congrats on your 32 years Dave

[Bbrock25]

Originally Posted by Abygale

Ambitious, it sounds to me that you really care for this girl and her daughter which is very admirable. You are young, and so is she but that doesn't mean things can't work out for you.

What I would caution you about though is rushing into something. She sounds to me like someone who is just looking for a little bit of financial security and stability because it is no doubt hard being a single mom at that age. You have to wonder if she really knows what she wants or who she wants if she is accepting proposals so quickly after breaking up with you.

Obviously she is using the proposal from the other guy to gauge your reaction, and she got it. You told her you love her. Make sure you understand what that may be communicating to her. If you are really sure you want to be back together with her by all means fight for her, but I sure wouldn't rush into a serious commitment like a proposal of your own without some time and serious thought.

She really is not sure that marrying this other guy is the right thing to do, that's obvious and NO ONE should get married when they have serious doubts like that......it's just foolish and a big mistake.

Just be careful and keep your eyes open, and make sure you aren't wearing those "rose-colored glasses."

....and good luck to all of you.

Couldn't have said it better Abygale, and couldn't agree more.

[duder4thgen]

Originally Posted by Ambitious09

She asked why and I told her I still had some things here to take care of and money. Thats when things got crazy. She kept asking what I meant... I had 13k saved up towards a camaro and she knew that.

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Far as the father and husband thing... I was there a lot more than this clown was. Helped her with the pampers, wipes, baby food, and ect.

So why do you think she is telling you this? Sorry dude, hate to break it to you, but she has been and is now playing you.

So the two of you break up, have nothing connecting to each other, she keeps tabs on you long enough to tell you she got engaged, and now she is telling you she's having second thoughts? Dude you are the safety net to her. You are plan B, she's priming your head right now to sweep in and save the day if things don't work out with this other dude.

Don't take offense, its not your fault, nothing wrong with you. It just so happens that some women with daddy problems, who happen to be single mothers are freaking nuts, just like it sounds this girl is.

Why don't you stop talking to your EX, and find a girl who is actually into you, and worth your time? Move FORWARD with your life, don't stay stuck in the past.

[springerpete]

Be a good friend to this girl and its OK to be there for her, but don't let her problems become your problems.

Many (not all) women play on your sympathies to get what they want. They make you feel good about yourself by saying how much better you are than this person or that person. I found this out the hard way. Luckily I didn't marry that girl.

I found one that is a strong woman that stands beside me. I'm so much happier for it.

[Iwantone2]

[danhr]

looking for love advice on a car forum = failboat

[guiLT]

Depends... Do you still have feelings for this girl? If so, I'd tell her how you feel. And maybe you'll get her back. good luck!

[Dion_1969]

Hate to tell you this but you need to wait until oh about 25. We men dont have fully developed frontal lobes of our brain until then, women about a year or 2 earlier but she doesn't sound like she falls in this group. Your frontal lobe allows you to control your impulses which is why many fewer guys over 25 get in fights or car wrecks from dumb driving. It is responsible for your ability to understand the future consequences of your current decisions which is why young couples end up in failed marriages. If she was wrong 6 months ago she still is. If I'm wrong then she will make up her own mind without you being the fall back and be around when you finish school. FYI I am a nursing instructor with an MSN and specialized in pediatrics and brain injury.

[Tessa]

Originally Posted by "prima"Donna

I have a son your age that is desperate to find 'the one', and I keep telling him that the right person will come along when she is supposed to, and in the meantime, you guys are young and have your whole lives ahead of you to be with that someone special, so go out there and enjoy your youth, it goes by waaaaaay faster than you can blink your eyes

I agree with Donna here - I'm 30 and still haven't found the one - at 21 I thought I was in love and he was 'the one' - he wasn't and I did the dating thing for awhile and met a man, fell in love and was sure this time he was the one - we were together for 6 years and ended up getting married and he lied, stole and cheated - we were seperated less then a year later. I lived with that man and he was so good at manipulating things to his advantage it was sick - my entire family thought he was wonderful and nice...

my point is that this girl is young and has the stress of being a single mother - like everyone else has said I think shes just looking for a security blanket - I'm sure she cares for you and realizes that you are a good guy - but that's not a reason to throw your life away trying to take care of her.

Be her friend, but don't live with her, don't give up on the things you want just yet....your #1 priority should always be you - support her as a friend while you do the things you need to do for yourself. If she is the one then in a few years, after you have finished school and had a little fun you can settle down with her and live that life...

[el ess A]

Well, I would never tell you to put it in God's hands because I don't believe in God. You need to take things into YOUR hands. YOU make your destiny. No one else.

Some sage advice has been given here. Probably the best yet is the consensus of be cautious, be there to support her emotionally as a FRIEND, but be VERY careful of letting your emotions run away with you and you do something you may regret later. I agree it really sounds like YOU are Plan B to her, so you need to make sure you have an exit strategy of your own should things not pan out the way you hope. Think with the big head. You have some hard decisions ahead of you, and this isn't one I'd casually make.

If she's going to say YES to a marriage proposal and it isn't you, then you should take that as a heavy weighing factor in your relationship with her. If she can go from breaking up with you, wanting to marry this guy, and then second-guessing her own commitment within 5 months or so, what makes you think she'll stay committed to anyone for any real length of time? Even you? While noble, just because this guy doesn't dote over her kid like you do doesn't mean he couldn't be a great step-father. To me, that's a non-starter. If he's got the 'nads to ask her to marry him, then he's (hopefully) already taken all that stuff into account.

I think you're just afraid of "losing her". Don't be. Remember, if you love it, let it go....I'd walk tentatively around this WHOLE thing. At this point in your life, there's other fish in the sea, dude, other fish in the sea.

Best of luck to y'all.

[guiLT]

Any update?