Teenager Attitudes

[hot ss]

Originally Posted by wrek

He has a skater punk hair cut, down over his face.

Would giving him a buzz-cut be considered abuse? It's ridiculous I have to ask... but I suppose he could claim it causes emotional distress or some shit.

the day before he started grade 7, he dyed his hair bright green, and he was a smalled kid at that point, so we shaved him bald to save him a beating of peers.
the xbox thing, i just say i own the tv, or at least pay the power bill, and have gone and shut off the power to the house, and locked it. he and his buddies got the hint, and know im not a *****.

as far as the grounding, i personally feel that a 6 month life ban, is too long. let the punishment fit the crime. if he has 2 weeks, he can see the light at the end of the tunnel. at 6 months, they feel they have nothing to lose. just during the 2 week plan, i conjure up more cool stuff to do, and leave him out of it. i have had the FIRM BUT FAIR, stance the whole time and he has his moments, but is shaping up to be a great member of society. i dont ever hand over cash, i find him a way to earn cash. eg shovel neighbors walk for 5 bux. i have never punched him, never even spanked him, but he IS in fear of what i might do. i get loud and ugli when i snap--and it scares everyone on the house. i make sure i dont cross the line no matter how angry i am, in the heat of the moment.

ps he used to like the buzzcut, so we didnt have to hold him down or anything. as we cut him, we explained that if he lives in the world of normalcy, he is accepted by more people, and will gain more friends, instead of just a few freaky ones.
he is now plain blonde, and i dont mind a couple color streaks, but many things are JUST FINE IN MODERATION.

[LiveGr8]

Originally Posted by wrek

He has a skater punk hair cut, down over his face.

Would giving him a buzz-cut be considered abuse?

I know you are frustrated but I wouldnt cut his hair. I think you want things to get better, not worse. Building a bridge will be much harder.

Could he be depressed? Clinically depressed? Its a medical condition that requires treatment. Depression presents in males much differently than females. Men dont usually lay in bed and cry. Generally, you see more symptoms including anger/irritability, sometimes suicidal ideation. A lot of times adolescents will self medicate with drugs and alcohol.

Depression is for real, I had a buddy commit suicide when I was a teen ager. I am now working in the field professionally and speaking to a local college on suicide prevention this week. Depression runs in families, like diabetes or cancer. It is very treatable.

If you dont know if he is depressed, get him into a therapist. Outpatient therapy is first step, hopefully he wont need a "locked" inpatient hospital stay or residential treatment.

PM me if you need help finding local resources. I know you just want this to get better. I respect that.

I also think its great you are asking others for input on this board. It may be about Camaro's, but we are like a family and we are all in this together.

[LiveGr8]

Originally Posted by hot ss

as far as the grounding, i personally feel that a 6 month life ban, is too long. let the punishment fit the crime. if he has 2 weeks, he can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I agree 100%.

[Tactical Z]

The same advice i gave to PQ.

[1320junkie]

Originally Posted by Tactical Z

The same advice i gave to PQ.

and you are 13..is that what gets you inline or does timeout and talking get you straight?

[lordfriday2]

Unplug that Xbox and try to see if a neighbor will take it for awhile...

[Mr Twisty]

Originally Posted by wrek

More details. Me and the ex get along OK.
My ex-wife's new husband has gotten into it with Conner a couple times. Once he hit Conner (slapped) in the head and the next day Conner had a bad attitude at school and told the teacher he was being beat. A 3 month investigation ensued. The step-father is going to school to be a teacher, he's in his 3rd year of school so a positive result from protective services would have ruined his career before it even started.

I tell the kid to get off the xbox and go to his room for mouthing off and he replies "No". Well, yes. No, yes, no. You better get to your room. he's like "or what?" great, I got nothing.

He's currently grounded for 6 months for this sort of thing. This is almost as tough on me as it is him because now I have his attitude around all the time. My wife can't stand him anymore... we've been married since Conner was 3.

Look, I know an internet forum isn't where to go for life counseling but I thought I'd share my misery here and see if any of you had similar situations.

I do have a LOT of experience with this. *I* was Conner when I was 14. However, I got my ass kicked one day and I sort of snapped.

Let me start by saying I have two grown kids, and they are both doing very well.

....... I thought of a million things to say about this, but I'm not going to... But I will tell you this...

Call whatever child services you have in your area and make an appointment to speak with a counselor. Bring your son along. Let the counselor tell you the law, but make it a point to bring up, "Sometimes I feel like my son just needs an old fashioned spanking." They'll "blablabla", then you say, "Yes, but WHEN that fails, what is the LAW in regards to my child and PHYSICAL punishment?" Listen closely, I promise you your son will be.

My son used to pull that DHS garbage on me... I told him, "Call them, or if you want, I'll call them, then they'll call the Sheriff's office, and Kenny (the Sheriff and a good friend) will come out to investigate. After I tell him how you've been acting he's going to tell me to whip you in his presence so he can verify no child abuse was committed." Then I would hand him the phone. He never made the call, I bet yours won't either.

[FenwickHockey65]

Originally Posted by lordfriday2

Unplug that Xbox and try to see if a neighbor will take it for awhile...

I'll take it off your hands.

[shank0668]

Originally Posted by 1320junkie

and you are 13..is that what gets you inline or does timeout and talking get you straight?

My dad getting mad pretty much tells me to stop doing whatever and do what he says.

[shank0668]

Originally Posted by FenwickHockey65

I'll take it off your hands.

[FenwickHockey65]

Originally Posted by shank0668

My dad getting mad pretty much tells me to stop doing whatever and do what he says.

Which is how it should be with every child. Kid screws up, parent gets pissed off, kid should immediately recognize that he or she just did something wrong.

By the way, did you ever consider military school? That'll whip his ass in line. Just being away from parents makes a kid reconsider his priorities. I got in an argument with my mom a few days before I left for college and walked away from it thinking how much better it would be once I was out of that house, but a few days later, I was hating myself for even considering that after my parents drove back home.

[shank0668]

Originally Posted by FenwickHockey65

Which is how it should be with every child. Kid screws up, parent gets pissed off, kid should immediately recognize that he or she just did something wrong.

I aslo agree with open hand obedince. You gotta get a little physical sometimes.

[tones2SS]

WOW! That sucks. That's today's generation. Not all of the kids growing up today are trouble. A lot of them are. It's too bad. I hope things work out well for everyone. GOOD LUCK!
If me or my brother did/say anything wrong when we were youngsters?!!?! Yeah, we'd be hurting for certain. I believe it made us the way we are today. Respectful and polite.

[kjd15]

Sorry to hear of the troubles you are having with your son. I have a 13 year old son as well. He can be moody and a little disrespectful at times, but he would never curse in front of me or at me. He knows his phone, x-box, skateboard, etc, would be taken away if he did. This is the age when they want to be cool and think parents are mean authority figures for the most part.
It's important for him to know no matter how he acts, you will always love him, but disrespect won't be tolerated. Maybe finding something the two of you can share would help. A hobby or something.

Is he like this with his mom, too?