I met a girl

SM0KE · 08-11-2011, 11:54 PM

I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she fell at my feet.
As we laid making love, I thought, ”These taser guns are well worth the money.”

G-Oil Guy · 08-11-2011, 11:56 PM

ZING!

PoorMansCamaro · 08-11-2011, 11:57 PM

1WILDSScmrg · 08-12-2011, 12:00 AM

as long as you say Surprise first your good!

mothraisnotapokemon · 08-12-2011, 12:18 AM

As long as its not surprise butt sex.....still giggle at 300 after that one..yay 4chan.

Gigachip · 08-12-2011, 03:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mothraisnotapokemon

As long as its not surprise butt sex.....still giggle at 300 after that one..yay 4chan.

RubyCamaro · 08-13-2011, 12:33 PM

usa1camaro1969 · 08-13-2011, 01:27 PM

Reminded me of this story:
Last weekend I was at Larry's Pistol & Pawn looking for a little something special for my wife, Renee. I came across a 100,000-volt pocket taser. Its disabling effect on an assailant was described as short-lived, with no long-term consequences, but would allow my wife--who would never consider a gun--adequate time to retreat to safety.
WAY TOO COOL!!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed, but then I read (yes, I read the instructions) that if I pressed the taser against a metal surface and pushed the button at the same time, I'd see a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs, to verify that it was working.
Awesome!!!
I have yet to explain to Renee that new burn spot on the face of her microwave.
There I was, home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? I sat there in my recliner, reading the directions, my cat Gracie looking on intently. Trusting little soul. I got to thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target. I admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second. She is such a sweet cat, but if I was going to give this device to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So there I sat in shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant, a two-second burst would cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control, and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. A burst longer than three seconds would be a waste of batteries.
I'm sitting there alone, with Gracie looking on, her head cocked to one side as if to say, 'Don't do it.' But I was reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!
Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up from my recliner, and body slammed us both onto the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, tingling legs, nipples on fire, and testicles nowhere to be found.
SON-OF-A... That Hurt Like HELL!
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, you should know that there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that taser until it is dislodged from your hand by your involuntary violent thrashing about on the floor.
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was relative at that point) I collected what wits I had left, sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there? My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it was shot up with Novocaine. My bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. And I'm still looking for my testicles!!
I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock,

Name Withheld upon request

Sterling · 08-13-2011, 01:31 PM

I've hit myself with a taser before... it's not anywhere near that bad.

Decibel JJ · 08-13-2011, 01:32 PM

I used to make a dollar a second to hold onto a demo tazer club in front of the customer at my old work ... I'm still here LOL

08-11-2011, 11:54 PM	#1
SM0KE IN THE CIRCLE Drives: 2010 IOM 2SS/RS Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: IN THE CIRCLE Posts: 1,920 View My Garage	I met a girl I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she fell at my feet. As we laid making love, I thought, ”These taser guns are well worth the money.” __________________ Increasing Circle Size is not important. Worthiness will knock at the door on it's own accord

08-11-2011, 11:56 PM	#2
G-Oil Guy Where am I? Drives: Zoe the ZL1, 2012 Frontier Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Mars, PA Posts: 6,071	ZING! __________________ FOR SALE: 2013 ZL1 Message me if interested

08-11-2011, 11:57 PM	#3
PoorMansCamaro Drives: Really Slow Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: PA Posts: 57,047	__________________

08-12-2011, 12:18 AM	#5
mothraisnotapokemon nyaomi Drives: yellow/black striped convertable2SS Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Godzilla doesn't attack here Posts: 1,957	As long as its not surprise butt sex.....still giggle at 300 after that one..yay 4chan. __________________

08-13-2011, 12:33 PM	#7
RubyCamaro Jan Drives: 2010 Camaro 1LT Red Jewel tintcoat Join Date: May 2010 Location: Springfield, TN Posts: 16,234 View My Garage	__________________

08-12-2011, 12:00 AM	#4
1WILDSScmrg Drives: 2010 Camaro SS inferno orange Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Jacksonville, NC Posts: 193 View My Garage	as long as you say Surprise first your good!

08-13-2011, 01:27 PM	#8
usa1camaro1969 Back on the dino-juice Drives: '10 LS + a few more Join Date: May 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 1,641	Reminded me of this story: Last weekend I was at Larry's Pistol & Pawn looking for a little something special for my wife, Renee. I came across a 100,000-volt pocket taser. Its disabling effect on an assailant was described as short-lived, with no long-term consequences, but would allow my wife--who would never consider a gun--adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed, but then I read (yes, I read the instructions) that if I pressed the taser against a metal surface and pushed the button at the same time, I'd see a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs, to verify that it was working. Awesome!!! I have yet to explain to Renee that new burn spot on the face of her microwave. There I was, home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? I sat there in my recliner, reading the directions, my cat Gracie looking on intently. Trusting little soul. I got to thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target. I admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second. She is such a sweet cat, but if I was going to give this device to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So there I sat in shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant, a two-second burst would cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control, and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. A burst longer than three seconds would be a waste of batteries. I'm sitting there alone, with Gracie looking on, her head cocked to one side as if to say, 'Don't do it.' But I was reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION! Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up from my recliner, and body slammed us both onto the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, tingling legs, nipples on fire, and testicles nowhere to be found. SON-OF-A... That Hurt Like HELL! If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, you should know that there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that taser until it is dislodged from your hand by your involuntary violent thrashing about on the floor. A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was relative at that point) I collected what wits I had left, sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there? My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it was shot up with Novocaine. My bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. And I'm still looking for my testicles!! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return. Still in shock, Name Withheld upon request __________________ I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. -Ricky Bobby America is all about speed. Hot, nasty, badass speed. -Eleanor Roosevelt, 1936

08-13-2011, 01:31 PM	#9
Sterling Drives: 2010 Camaro 1LT/RS M6 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Fairhaven, MA Posts: 5,885 View My Garage	I've hit myself with a taser before... it's not anywhere near that bad. __________________ Trifecta tune, Vararam Intake, VMAX throttle body and manifold insulator, RxPerformance Catch Can, , MRT v1.0 and Louvers, Barton shifter, BMR strut tower brace, RED dome light and Plasma LED DRL's, fieldgoal00's Halo 1 harness, hood spears/side stripes, rain guards, custom bowtie, Team LLT badges, headlight and foglight covers, taillight and side marker covers, backup light covers, WeatherTech floormats

08-13-2011, 01:32 PM	#10
Decibel JJ Car nut Drives: Tahoe Z71, Race cars Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 671	I used to make a dollar a second to hold onto a demo tazer club in front of the customer at my old work ... I'm still here LOL __________________ Quote: Don't you just hate it when Satan steals your ride and does all these weird ass mods to it? R.I.P. Evan .. A true Friend

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