heart broken

[CynAgain]

Originally Posted by toesuf94

Son, if she cannot handle you passions, she will stiffle you and you will not be happy the rest of your time with her. The fight came about because she wanted control and you did not give it to her. By you sticking to your guns and going the route you wanted, then she throws you out to show you who is in control - you know she does not love you for who you are.

I am not advocating a car over a woman by any means...but a person who loves you for who you are and what you love is somebody who will not try to get you to change. This is all about control. You must decide if you want to give up your rights for the rest of your life or not.

There is a ton of great advice in this thread, but this is my fav!

Bozbot, I wish you the best of luck navigating this time in your life. It will be difficult at best no matter which path you choose. We're here for ya

[sugar'n'spice]

Originally Posted by toesuf94

Son, if she cannot handle you passions, she will stiffle you and you will not be happy the rest of your time with her. The fight came about because she wanted control and you did not give it to her. By you sticking to your guns and going the route you wanted, then she throws you out to show you who is in control - you know she does not love you for who you are.

I am not advocating a car over a woman by any means...but a person who loves you for who you are and what you love is somebody who will not try to get you to change. This is all about control. You must decide if you want to give up your rights for the rest of your life or not.

But, you did give her the control, your selling your car aren't you?:(

Even then, if you must for financial reasons, DO NOT give her any
control. Otherwise she will think she won.

Only You own the power! Not her.

[bozbot]

Originally Posted by CynAgain

There is a ton of great advice in this thread, but this is my fav!

Bozbot, I wish you the best of luck navigating this time in your life. It will be difficult at best no matter which path you choose. We're here for ya

Originally Posted by sugar'n'spice

But, you did give her the control, your selling your car aren't you?:(

Even then, if you must for financial reasons, DO NOT give her any
control. Otherwise she will think she won.

Only You own the power! Not her.

I agree with both of you on this. the thing is, I know she was right on the fact. if i want to eventually get my own place and start a family with a woman I love and who loves me.

I dont want to sell it, I keep trying to convince myself that I am doing it for her to stop myself but deep down I know i need to. the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that down the line once i can afford it I can get one without any stress. As much as i absolutlely love this car, I need to get other things in my life taken of first. I knew knew this deep down when I got the car too but didnt listen to myself.

the only thing that sucks is that you guys are right, now that i am getting rid of the car (because she made me realize and not for her) if we do stay together that will be held over our heads. she will think i am going to resent her even tho i wont.

does this mean that the relationship is doomed no matter what? it seems like no matter my choice i am screwed.
I keep it - i cant afford a life that I want, i lose her.
I get rid of it - she thinks i did it cuz of her and she thinks she has power over me and that I will cave to any demand she has (legit or not) or she thinks i will resent her for getting rid of it

[BackinBlackSS/RS]

Originally Posted by bozbot

if i was she is so very very very very very very worth it.

Why is she worth it? I'm not saying she isn't, but I would really like to know why you think she is worth it.

[bozbot]

Originally Posted by BackinBlackSS/RS

Why is she worth it? I'm not saying she isn't, but I would really like to know why you think she is worth it.

well the line you quoted from was actaully in response to someone else saying how they had a hot girl that was worth it, so this response i gave was a play on that. she is a very good looking woman.

however your question sounds a little deeper as in why is all of what is going on worth it, if that is the question. I will tell you.

when her and I first started dating, everything was amazing. we got along great, we had so much fun together doing even the simplest of things like a puzzle. we have alot of the same interests and goals. she makes me smile and i made her smile.everything was clicking perfectly. that is why we rushed into things. i was her superman and she was my lois lane.

that being said all of a sudden a couple weeks ago her attitude towards me changed. she would complain about every little thing that i either put in the wrong spot and the apartment, she complained that i was inconsiderate because I made so much noise when i woke up to go to work in the morning (she works at night so our schedules are off and she sleeps in). she would push me away if i tried to hug or kiss her.

at first I thought maybe some of it was linked to the fact that she was depressed because we had to put her cat (that she had for 20 years) down recently. so I didnt want to push things while she was coping.
then it kept getting worse instead of better so I started to defend myself against the attacks because I knew something was wrong. I would ask her calmly but she would just throw more stuff in my face. some things pretty hurtful too.

the woman that I first met and fell in love with is worth it but it feels like her feelings for me have changed and she doesnt want to be with me.

it all is keeping me very confused because I have been asking her flat out if she doesnt want to be with me and to just tell me, but she didnt. until last night...I went to her place to try and talk things out but it ended with her telling me she didnt want to be with me. so i drove home thinking it was over and then she started texting and emailing me right away. so we talked all night on chat and things were going well. now today again she is getting nasty with me again. i cant figure it out...

[BackinBlackSS/RS]

Originally Posted by bozbot

well the line you quoted from was actaully in response to someone else saying how they had a hot girl that was worth it, so this response i gave was a play on that. she is a very good looking woman.

however your question sounds a little deeper as in why is all of what is going on worth it, if that is the question. I will tell you.

when her and I first started dating, everything was amazing. we got along great, we had so much fun together doing even the simplest of things like a puzzle. we have alot of the same interests and goals. she makes me smile and i made her smile.everything was clicking perfectly. that is why we rushed into things. i was her superman and she was my lois lane.

that being said all of a sudden a couple weeks ago her attitude towards me changed. she would complain about every little thing that i either put in the wrong spot and the apartment, she complained that i was inconsiderate because I made so much noise when i woke up to go to work in the morning (she works at night so our schedules are off and she sleeps in). she would push me away if i tried to hug or kiss her.

at first I thought maybe some of it was linked to the fact that she was depressed because we had to put her cat (that she had for 20 years) down recently. so I didnt want to push things while she was coping.
then it kept getting worse instead of better so I started to defend myself against the attacks because I knew something was wrong. I would ask her calmly but she would just throw more stuff in my face. some things pretty hurtful too.

the woman that I first met and fell in love with is worth it but it feels like her feelings for me have changed and she doesnt want to be with me.

it all is keeping me very confused because I have been asking her flat out if she doesnt want to be with me and to just tell me, but she didnt. until last night...I went to her place to try and talk things out but it ended with her telling me she didnt want to be with me. so i drove home thinking it was over and then she started texting and emailing me right away. so we talked all night on chat and things were going well. now today again she is getting nasty with me again. i cant figure it out...

This is quite a rollercoaster. You really only have one choice. You need to lay it out. Let her know you are not going to tolerate being treated like that. Otherwise you need to move on. Good luck.

[brandotron]

Originally Posted by bozbot

well the line you quoted from was actaully in response to someone else saying how they had a hot girl that was worth it, so this response i gave was a play on that. she is a very good looking woman.

however your question sounds a little deeper as in why is all of what is going on worth it, if that is the question. I will tell you.

when her and I first started dating, everything was amazing. we got along great, we had so much fun together doing even the simplest of things like a puzzle. we have alot of the same interests and goals. she makes me smile and i made her smile.everything was clicking perfectly. that is why we rushed into things. i was her superman and she was my lois lane.

that being said all of a sudden a couple weeks ago her attitude towards me changed. she would complain about every little thing that i either put in the wrong spot and the apartment, she complained that i was inconsiderate because I made so much noise when i woke up to go to work in the morning (she works at night so our schedules are off and she sleeps in). she would push me away if i tried to hug or kiss her.

at first I thought maybe some of it was linked to the fact that she was depressed because we had to put her cat (that she had for 20 years) down recently. so I didnt want to push things while she was coping.
then it kept getting worse instead of better so I started to defend myself against the attacks because I knew something was wrong. I would ask her calmly but she would just throw more stuff in my face. some things pretty hurtful too.

the woman that I first met and fell in love with is worth it but it feels like her feelings for me have changed and she doesnt want to be with me.

it all is keeping me very confused because I have been asking her flat out if she doesnt want to be with me and to just tell me, but she didnt. until last night...I went to her place to try and talk things out but it ended with her telling me she didnt want to be with me. so i drove home thinking it was over and then she started texting and emailing me right away. so we talked all night on chat and things were going well. now today again she is getting nasty with me again. i cant figure it out...

Sounds like you moved in when you were in the honeymoon phase of the relationship. You managed to extend the honeymoon briefly by moving in...then it ended. The girl you're seeing now is the REAL person you were dating. The bubbly, building-a-puzzle-is-fun girl you knew was only the infatuated version of her.

Head for the hills and give it a month before you consider selling or keeping your car. Your head is not on straight right now. Yes it hurts, but it sounds like she wasn't right for you in the first place.

[CynAgain]

Originally Posted by bozbot

well the line you quoted from was actaully in response to someone else saying how they had a hot girl that was worth it, so this response i gave was a play on that. she is a very good looking woman.

however your question sounds a little deeper as in why is all of what is going on worth it, if that is the question. I will tell you.

when her and I first started dating, everything was amazing. we got along great, we had so much fun together doing even the simplest of things like a puzzle. we have alot of the same interests and goals. she makes me smile and i made her smile.everything was clicking perfectly. that is why we rushed into things. i was her superman and she was my lois lane.

This is very common in the beginning of a relationship.

that being said all of a sudden a couple weeks ago her attitude towards me changed. she would complain about every little thing that i either put in the wrong spot and the apartment, she complained that i was inconsiderate because I made so much noise when i woke up to go to work in the morning (she works at night so our schedules are off and she sleeps in). she would push me away if i tried to hug or kiss her.

at first I thought maybe some of it was linked to the fact that she was depressed because we had to put her cat (that she had for 20 years) down recently. so I didnt want to push things while she was coping.
then it kept getting worse instead of better so I started to defend myself against the attacks because I knew something was wrong. I would ask her calmly but she would just throw more stuff in my face. some things pretty hurtful too.

You backed off because that's what guys want ~ girls need to have a safe place to vent their feelings, sort stuff out. She's not comfortable for what ever reason to share those feelings with you.

Then... Instead of telling her she was hurting your feelings ~ you protected yourself. Now you're just fighting fire with fire.

Having a good relationship requires vulnerability. Its very difficult to do especially when she crawling up your a$$.


the woman that I first met and fell in love with is worth it but it feels like her feelings for me have changed and she doesnt want to be with me.

Trust your gut.

it all is keeping me very confused because I have been asking her flat out if she doesnt want to be with me and to just tell me, but she didnt. until last night...I went to her place to try and talk things out but it ended with her telling me she didnt want to be with me. so i drove home thinking it was over and then she started texting and emailing me right away. so we talked all night on chat and things were going well. now today again she is getting nasty with me again. i cant figure it out...

I don't think she is mature enough to understand her own feelings much less be straight with you. I mean how can she possibly tell you what she feels when she doesn't even know.

You know you want to be with her. Tell her, then leave it at that. Tell her when she has things figured out she can call you, but don't allow her to take you on the roller coaster anymore. Its so easy to fall into it again because you want what you had before.

She told you she doesn't want to be with you. That hurt your feelings, she knew it, then she had some regret, and texts you on the way home. You two talk until things seem ok and the next day she's nasty again?

First of all, nasty is never acceptable. If nasty is the accurate term then something is inherently wrong with the relationship.

Second, its my opinion she was just smoothing things over because she felt bad for hurting your feelings. She meant what she said. Walk away.

Sorry, just my opinion based on your side of the story.

It sounds like you're putting a lot of thought into this and it commendable. Try to relax with some friends. You don't have to explain anything to them if you don't want to, they will understand.

I wish you the best of luck with everything.

[Fast1]

Originally Posted by bozbot

if you had to choose between the woman of your dreams and a camaro what would you do?

granted its not an ultimatum by the woman but rather i guess a choice of which you can afford. I know that sounds kinda wrong or wierd but having such a high car payment is straining my relationship.

we got into a huge fight tonight. needless to say i was pretty much kicked out...

Camaro.

[will69camaro]

Hope this little picture of advice helps you out:

[buzzy56]

If it's like this now, how will it be in the future?That is what you need to seriously think about.Man I say step back and really look at the situation.What kind of life & or Marriage would that be??
I think you will come to the right conclusion if you allow your good judgement to prevail.good luck!

["prima"Donna]

Originally Posted by bozbot

well i guess that other guy lost out. you seem like a great person, I always see you on the boards with nothing but nice things to say to everyone. you have a very lucky husband.

WELL, AREN'T YOU JUST THE SWEETEST THING FOR SAYING THAT TO ME AND TOTALLY MAKING MY DAY!!!!....

I am actually blushing and quite choked up by your very kind words...

I just know the right girl is out there for you, and I hope she will be worthy of someone like you...the reason I told you my little story is to give you hope when you are so down right now...I do believe that things happen for a reason, even if we don't know it at the time...

In quite a weird twist of fate, that original boyfriend and I saw each other again almost 20 yrs after we originally tried to get back together because our sons just happened to be on the same youth street hockey team!!!...can you imagine that???!!!...

The best part is that we enjoyed catching up on the years that had passed and he said he never got over letting me 'get away'...and another cool coincidence is that his son and my son are the same age, but we both lived in different towns, so we never ran into each other again for all that time...my son's name is Mark Christopher, and his son's name is Christopher, and Christopher had a twin named Mark that died at birth!!!...his daughter's name is Melissa, and that is what I would have named my daughter if I ever had one!!!...

His parents always liked me the best of all his girlfriends (and his wife too)...and another weird coincidence is that I worked with his brother-in-law at one of my jobs, but didn't make the connection for 5 yrs, until just before our company moved to South Carolina and we both lost our jobs...it sure is a small world....

I know this post is turning into a 'book', but I just wanted to try my best to give you hope and tell you not to get discouraged, and try your best to live a good life and good things will come back to you...let me know what happens, I care...and I will be sure to remind my husband how 'lucky' he is to have me!!!...lol...

and, thanks again for saying that...it means a lot to me...I try my best to always treat others the same way I would want them to treat me - "The Golden Rule"....good words to live by..............

[CamaroApa]

Originally Posted by bozbot

haha. thanks guys i needed that.

well i got the car before her but i feel like my world is collapsing now that she is gone.

im not even sure me getting rid of the car would solve anything.

im trying to communicate with her but she isnt answering me now. tried everything from phone calls, txts, facebook ims and messages but no response. my mother says that she prob just needs time to cool off from the fight but im worried she might not respond at all

CAMARO WINS!!! she was here first brotha!! LOL look dude the camaro is a panty dropper chicks come and go.

[sugar'n'spice]

Look, every Tom, Dick and Harry can give you advice, but when it really

comes down to it, it's your decision on what you want to do!