Joke tellin' page - Page 8

Iwantone2 · 07-12-2010, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hot_rod

World Cup News

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup, the Nigerian goalkeeper has
personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans who travelled to South
Africa. He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete
the transaction.

Cool! Where do I sign up?

silverfox · 07-12-2010, 03:30 PM

A guy walks into a redneck bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee from up north. The bartender says 'You ain't from around here, are ya? The guy says 'No,I'm from Canada' The bartender says ' What do you do in Canada?. The guy says, ' I'm a taxidermist'. The bartender says,' A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist?, do you drive a taxi? 'No, I don't drive a taxi. I mount animals'. The bartender grins and hollars, 'It's okay boys, he's one of us'

NSCRFN3 · 07-12-2010, 08:21 PM

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice
up her dead sex-life.

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite
her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times till her
husband says... "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God for that... I thought you were sitting on the cat."

lakers171 · 07-12-2010, 10:29 PM

A child was walking alone after school to his home when a kidnapper took him and put him in his truck. After driving for a couple of hours and to a forest they both get off and go into the woods. The little child goes "mister im scared", the kidnapper looks at him and says "Your scared! i need to walk back alone."

Big Brunsy · 07-13-2010, 03:55 AM

good work Mark....This is one of my favorite threads.....sorry I don't have mutch to contribute tho

*Mindz* · 07-13-2010, 04:13 AM

I got a pickup line for the list. No rebuttle is necessary as it actually worked for one of my friends.

"Hey, wanna play pearl harbor?"

"what's that?"

"It's a game where I sit back and let you blow the hell out of me..."

myold88 · 07-13-2010, 07:09 AM

If storks bring white babys,
And crows bring black babys,
What brings no baby at all ?

a swollow

Mark A Collier Sr · 07-13-2010, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Brunsy

good work Mark....This is one of my favorite threads.....sorry I don't have mutch to contribute tho

I wish I had more people sharing! Thanks for spreading the joy! TELL your friends!! lol

Mark A Collier Sr · 07-13-2010, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by myold88

If storks bring white babys,
And crows bring black babys,
What brings no baby at all ?

a swollow

LOVE IT

myold88 · 07-13-2010, 07:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark A Collier Sr

LOVE IT

I thought this one might be over the top here, but believe it or not it was told by a lady on the phone on The Imus In The Morning AM radio about 20 years ago... LOL, never forgot it.

Iwantone2 · 07-13-2010, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindz

I got a pickup line for the list. No rebuttle is necessary as it actually worked for one of my friends.

"Hey, wanna play pearl harbor?"

"what's that?"

"It's a game where I sit back and let you blow the hell out of me..."

That's a good one!!!

The Reaper · 07-13-2010, 09:44 AM

Grandma and Grandpa were sitting at the breakfast table one morning about to eat when the following conversation takes place...

Gma - You know when we were young and first married we ate breakfast at this very table.

Gpa - Yup

Gma - You know when we were young we used to eat breakfast at this table naked.

Gpa - Yup

Gma - You wanna get naked for old times sake?

Gpa - Yup

Gma - You know even after all these years my nipples still get hot for you!

Gpa - Well that's no wonder woman, ones in your oatmeal and the others in your coffee.

8ty8 ls1 · 07-13-2010, 09:51 AM

hahahahhahaha! i love this thread!

hot_rod · 07-13-2010, 12:04 PM

Bullfrogs and Blow Jobs

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. 'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!'

'Blow jobs!' the woman replied. '

Well, It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month!he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...No more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. 'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.

The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone.'

07-12-2010, 03:30 PM	#100
silverfox Drives: 2010 camaro ss Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: portsmouth,va. Posts: 502 View My Garage	A guy walks into a redneck bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee from up north. The bartender says 'You ain't from around here, are ya? The guy says 'No,I'm from Canada' The bartender says ' What do you do in Canada?. The guy says, ' I'm a taxidermist'. The bartender says,' A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist?, do you drive a taxi? 'No, I don't drive a taxi. I mount animals'. The bartender grins and hollars, 'It's okay boys, he's one of us' __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Va.Speed built 427 stroker LS2 Darton sleeved 427 stroker.Callies dragonslayer crankshaft. Callies I beam rods. Wiseco blower pistons. Mast cnc 12 degree big bore ls3 heads-2.2 intake &1.6 ex. 6 bolt 270cc-.750 deck. Lunati link bar lifters.T&D roller rockers.COMP-VA. Speed special cam 605 lift, 238dur. Procharger F1R @15psi. ARH headers with custom 3'' exhaust all the way.Magnaflow mufflers. QTP cutouts.Rossler built 6l80e trans. DSS 1400hp axles. Pfadt suspension.-Coilovers, sway bars,motor mounts,trailing arms. Aeromotive eliminater pump. 907rwhp.

07-12-2010, 08:21 PM	#101
NSCRFN3 Drives: 2010 Camaro RJT 2SS/RS M6 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 36°13′12″N 82°20′17″W Posts: 492 View My Garage	A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband. At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times till her husband says... "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" "Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile. "Thank God for that... I thought you were sitting on the cat." __________________

07-12-2010, 10:29 PM	#102
lakers171 SoCal MAYHEM Drives: 2010 2LT/RS IBM Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Hawthorne, Ca Posts: 2,831 View My Garage	A child was walking alone after school to his home when a kidnapper took him and put him in his truck. After driving for a couple of hours and to a forest they both get off and go into the woods. The little child goes "mister im scared", the kidnapper looks at him and says "Your scared! i need to walk back alone." __________________

07-13-2010, 04:13 AM	#104
Mindz E.B.A.H. Drives: you wild... Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: In the happy padded room wearing a jacket that makes me hug myself... Posts: 18,421	I got a pickup line for the list. No rebuttle is necessary as it actually worked for one of my friends. "Hey, wanna play pearl harbor?" "what's that?" "It's a game where I sit back and let you blow the hell out of me..." __________________ Blue Rush, 2010 SS [Car of the Week 3/22/2010] Traded in on...ZLZBUBB, 2013 ZL1

07-13-2010, 09:44 AM	#110
The Reaper Founding Member of CTCC Drives: 2010 2SS RS RJT w/Silver Stripes Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 709 View My Garage	Grandma and Grandpa were sitting at the breakfast table one morning about to eat when the following conversation takes place... Gma - You know when we were young and first married we ate breakfast at this very table. Gpa - Yup Gma - You know when we were young we used to eat breakfast at this table naked. Gpa - Yup Gma - You wanna get naked for old times sake? Gpa - Yup Gma - You know even after all these years my nipples still get hot for you! Gpa - Well that's no wonder woman, ones in your oatmeal and the others in your coffee. __________________ It's not how big your motor is, it's how well you shift it !!

07-13-2010, 03:55 AM	#103
Big Brunsy Drives: 2010 supercharged LS3 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Le Mars, Iowa Posts: 2,235 View My Garage	good work Mark....This is one of my favorite threads.....sorry I don't have mutch to contribute tho

07-13-2010, 07:09 AM	#105
myold88 Drives: SUMMIT WHITE 2SS/RS CAMARO Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: 2018: Lakewood Ranch, Fl. Posts: 8,116 View My Garage	If storks bring white babys, And crows bring black babys, What brings no baby at all ? a swollow

07-13-2010, 09:51 AM	#111
8ty8 ls1 Resident Engineer Drives: 2010 Camaro SS, 1988 GMC S-15 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 766	hahahahhahaha! i love this thread! __________________ 12.68 @ 109: LSR cai, Borla S-type axle-back, Tunes

07-13-2010, 12:04 PM	#112
hot_rod Drives: 2010 2SS RS Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 1,222 View My Garage	Bullfrogs and Blow Jobs A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune. 'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!' 'Blow jobs!' the woman replied. ' Well, It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month!he said. The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...No more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog. When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again. In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks. 'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked. The husband replied, 'If I can teach this frog to cook, your ass is gone.'

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