Joke tellin' page - Page 6

purplhaizcraz3 · 07-06-2010, 05:30 PM

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testies--something she obviously loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?"
'Because', she replied, 'I miss mine.'

purplhaizcraz3 · 07-06-2010, 05:35 PM

A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all- money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then POW! it was all gone!'
"What happened?" asked the friend.
"My wife found out......."

Mark A Collier Sr · 07-06-2010, 08:26 PM

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"

"Yes, I am," said the officer.

"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage.

I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!"

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.

One knight told his best friend - "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."

The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.

Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.

A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend.

He yells - "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!"

(Since I work with people that break their computers from time to time.... You guys will LOVE this!

Dear Tech Support:

I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.

In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Sunday Football 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but de-install doesn't work on this program.

Can you please help!
Joe.

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.

Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Whereas Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is impossible to de-install, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but have
ended up with even more problems. (See in manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees). Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best you can.

When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\ IAPOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may be necessary to run C:\ I APOLOGISE a number of times, but hopefully eventually the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance program can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0.

Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash.

Best of luck!
Tech Support

NSCRFN3 · 07-06-2010, 08:56 PM

One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by
curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church."

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?"

The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada .. He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one in Reno '

shevyman · 07-07-2010, 12:31 AM

there is a couple soudnly asleep on a sunday morning. the husband wakes up around 4am quitely gets out of bed gets dressed makes his lunch and grabs his dog, he starts to walk outside and notices it windy and raining. he starts to hook up his truck to the boat and load the boat with his fishing gear. once done he starts to drive out but notices its getting worse. so he turns the radio on listens to the weather channel and the broadcast it is going to be like this all day.
so the husband parks and unhooks the boat unloads the boat grabs his lunch gets the dog and goes back into the house quitley puts his food away goes back up stairs gets undressed gets back into bed rolls over to his wife and says" DAMN is it windy and rainy as hell", and the wife replies "YEAH! and my husband is out fishing in it".

Mark A Collier Sr · 07-07-2010, 08:14 AM

Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.

guiLT · 07-07-2010, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark A Collier Sr

Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.

2010 SSRS · 07-07-2010, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mark A Collier Sr

Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.

helmincamaro · 07-07-2010, 02:53 PM

this girl in middle school came home one day and said to her mom, "today at school, a boy pulled down his pants and showed me his "truck". Her mom said "don't ever let a boy park his truck in your garage". So the next day the girl comes home from school and is just covered in blood. Her mom freaks out and asked what happened. The little girl replied "A boy tried to park his truck in my garage so I slashed his tires".

NSCRFN3 · 07-07-2010, 06:30 PM

THE CRUISE SHIP DIARY

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short
sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this
"all-girls" trip.

--------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain
today -- seems like a very nice man.

--------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 3

At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck.
Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had

a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

--------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 4

Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him
in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne.

He asked me to stay the night, but I declined Told him I could not be
unfaithful to my husband.

--------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar,
stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large
drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night.

Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he
would sink the ship...I was shocked.

--------------------

DEAR DIARY - DAY 6

Today I saved 1600 lives.

Twice.

Mark A Collier Sr · 07-07-2010, 09:37 PM

These signs get right to the point...

---

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

**************************

At a Proctologist's door:

"To expedite your visit, please back in. "

**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

**************************

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

**************************

On a Church's Bill board:

"7 days without God makes one weak."

**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

**************************

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

**************************

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.."

**************************

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

**************************

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

**************************

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

**************************

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************

At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."

**************************

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."

**************************

And don't forget the sign at a CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

"Best place in town to take a leak.."

**************************

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

Champion51 · 07-08-2010, 12:45 AM

Mickey and Minnie mouse were going through a divorce. At the courthouse the judge told Mickey "I cannot grant a divorce as there is no evidence that Minnie is crazy"
Mickey responded " Your honor, I did not say she was crazy, I said she was f&*king Goofy."

guiLT · 07-08-2010, 12:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Champion51

Mickey and Minnie mouse were going through a divorce. At the courthouse the judge told Mickey "I cannot grant a divorce as there is no evidence that Minnie is crazy"
Mickey responded " Your honor, I did not say she was crazy, I said she was f&*king Goofy."

hot_rod · 07-08-2010, 09:44 AM

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
considering that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black
belt in karate.

4... The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,

"No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

07-06-2010, 08:26 PM	#73
Mark A Collier Sr Retired Army, 101st ABN Drives: 2 SS/RS w/sunroof Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Newnan, GA Posts: 849 View My Garage	A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?" "Yes, I am," said the officer. "Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?" Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and, she always acts like she's sound asleep!" All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend - "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade." The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted. A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend. He yells - "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!" (Since I work with people that break their computers from time to time.... You guys will LOVE this! Dear Tech Support: I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Sunday Football 6.3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but de-install doesn't work on this program. Can you please help! Joe. Dear Joe, This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Whereas Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything. You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this and it is impossible to de-install, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed. Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0, but have ended up with even more problems. (See in manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees). Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\ IAPOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the Esc-key. It may be necessary to run C:\ I APOLOGISE a number of times, but hopefully eventually the operating system will return to normal. Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance program can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash. Best of luck! Tech Support __________________ "BABY" is a Summit White, 2SS/RS, My Tribute to the 13 years I served in the 101st Airborne Division!!!* ORDERED: 18 JUL 09 #NMMS88, BORN ON 4 NOV 09 at 12:26pm VIN:63460~ HOME on 18 NOV 09! "101BABY"

07-06-2010, 08:56 PM	#74
NSCRFN3 Drives: 2010 Camaro RJT 2SS/RS M6 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 36°13′12″N 82°20′17″W Posts: 492 View My Garage	The Veterinarian One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week! The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated. "Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church." The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?" The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week." The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?" "He is a veterinarian," she answered. "That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?" The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada .. He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas , and one in Reno ' __________________

07-07-2010, 08:14 AM	#76
Mark A Collier Sr Retired Army, 101st ABN Drives: 2 SS/RS w/sunroof Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Newnan, GA Posts: 849 View My Garage	Day1: A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?" Mum replies: "yes dear" Day 2: "We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?" Mum replies: "yes dear" Day 3: "We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?" Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25. __________________ "BABY" is a Summit White, 2SS/RS, My Tribute to the 13 years I served in the 101st Airborne Division!!! ORDERED: 18 JUL 09 #NMMS88, BORN ON 4 NOV 09 at 12:26pm VIN:63460~ HOME on 18 NOV 09! "101BABY"

07-07-2010, 06:30 PM	#80
NSCRFN3 Drives: 2010 Camaro RJT 2SS/RS M6 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 36°13′12″N 82°20′17″W Posts: 492 View My Garage	THE CRUISE SHIP DIARY DEAR DIARY - DAY 1 All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip. -------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 2 Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man. -------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 3 At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive. -------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 4 Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband. -------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 5 Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship...I was shocked. -------------------- DEAR DIARY - DAY 6 Today I saved 1600 lives. Twice. __________________

07-07-2010, 09:37 PM	#81
Mark A Collier Sr Retired Army, 101st ABN Drives: 2 SS/RS w/sunroof Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Newnan, GA Posts: 849 View My Garage	These signs get right to the point... --- In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." ************************ On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday's Meals on Wheels ********************** At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit, please back in. " ********************** On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." ********************** On another Plumber's truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." ********************** On a Church's Bill board: "7 days without God makes one weak." ********************** At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee : "Invite us to your next blowout." ********************** Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." ********************** At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.." ********************** On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." ********************** In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." ********************** On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push." ********************** At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." ********************** On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." ********************** On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!" ********************** At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." ********************** Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." ********************** In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" ********************** At the Electric Company "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be." ********************** In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up." ********************** In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." ********************** At a Propane Filling Station: "Thank heaven for little grills." ********************** And don't forget the sign at a CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP: "Best place in town to take a leak.." ********************** Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: "Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises" __________________ "BABY" is a Summit White, 2SS/RS, My Tribute to the 13 years I served in the 101st Airborne Division!!! ORDERED: 18 JUL 09 #NMMS88, BORN ON 4 NOV 09 at 12:26pm VIN:63460~ HOME on 18 NOV 09! "101BABY"**

07-06-2010, 05:30 PM	#71
purplhaizcraz3 Drives: 2010 2LT CHEVY CAMARO BABY!!!! Join Date: May 2009 Location: Glencoe Posts: 394	A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testies--something she obviously loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?" 'Because', she replied, 'I miss mine.'

07-06-2010, 05:35 PM	#72
purplhaizcraz3 Drives: 2010 2LT CHEVY CAMARO BABY!!!! Join Date: May 2009 Location: Glencoe Posts: 394	A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all- money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then POW! it was all gone!' "What happened?" asked the friend. "My wife found out......."

07-07-2010, 12:31 AM	#75
shevyman Drives: 2010 Camaro SS IOM Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: california Posts: 1,734 View My Garage	there is a couple soudnly asleep on a sunday morning. the husband wakes up around 4am quitely gets out of bed gets dressed makes his lunch and grabs his dog, he starts to walk outside and notices it windy and raining. he starts to hook up his truck to the boat and load the boat with his fishing gear. once done he starts to drive out but notices its getting worse. so he turns the radio on listens to the weather channel and the broadcast it is going to be like this all day. so the husband parks and unhooks the boat unloads the boat grabs his lunch gets the dog and goes back into the house quitley puts his food away goes back up stairs gets undressed gets back into bed rolls over to his wife and says" DAMN is it windy and rainy as hell", and the wife replies "YEAH! and my husband is out fishing in it".

07-07-2010, 02:53 PM	#79
helmincamaro Official Lounge BAMF Drives: '97 Camaro Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Kannapolis, NC Posts: 13,576 View My Garage	this girl in middle school came home one day and said to her mom, "today at school, a boy pulled down his pants and showed me his "truck". Her mom said "don't ever let a boy park his truck in your garage". So the next day the girl comes home from school and is just covered in blood. Her mom freaks out and asked what happened. The little girl replied "A boy tried to park his truck in my garage so I slashed his tires".

07-08-2010, 12:45 AM	#82
Champion51 Drives: '14 ZL1, '10 SS/RS , '06 GMC Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Saskatchewan Posts: 586	Mickey and Minnie mouse were going through a divorce. At the courthouse the judge told Mickey "I cannot grant a divorce as there is no evidence that Minnie is crazy" Mickey responded " Your honor, I did not say she was crazy, I said she was f&*king Goofy."

07-08-2010, 09:44 AM	#84
hot_rod Drives: 2010 2SS RS Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 1,222 View My Garage	THE BLIND COWBOY An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, considering that you are blind, that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4... The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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Updated Camaro page on Chevy's site	rockapotomus821	5th Gen Camaro SS LS LT General Discussions	16	05-15-2008 01:36 AM