Teenager Attitudes

[1320junkie]

Originally Posted by tones2SS

WOW! That sucks. That's today's generation. Not all of the kids growing up today are trouble. A lot of them are. It's too bad. I hope things work out well for everyone. GOOD LUCK!
If me or my brother did/say anything wrong when we were youngsters?!!?! Yeah, we'd be hurting for certain. I believe it made us the way we are today. Respectful and polite.

[hot ss]

Originally Posted by kjd15

Sorry to hear of the troubles you are having with your son. I have a 13 year old son as well. He can be moody and a little disrespectful at times, but he would never curse in front of me or at me. He knows his phone, x-box, skateboard, etc, would be taken away if he did. This is the age when they want to be cool and think parents are mean authority figures for the most part.
It's important for him to know no matter how he acts, you will always love him, but disrespect won't be tolerated. Maybe finding something the two of you can share would help. A hobby or something.

Is he like this with his mom, too?

i bought a 4wd nitro rc car for us to abuse together.
i try where i can, for eg. came back from SEMA with a stack of signed posters from hot chix all signed to him. then the wife handed him a roll of asswipe, it was priceless.

[Russo]

you said that he was 3 when you and your wife got married... that means you are more of a father figure than his biological father... which brings me to my point...

i did what my parents said because i respected them, they led by example and therefore i could see how being "in line" had it's rewards.. your kid is now having alot of other social distractions going on and what he's doing is assessing how you and your wife make decisions on a daily basis regarding life's obstacles.. it's not that he can't be reached, but maybe there is something wrong with your current choices that he's seeing fault in... perhaps, a situation in the past where you made a mistake against him and he holds on to it.. surely he should be at an age where he can talk about it, but you may need to investigate what the problem was...

another thing is that maybe he's jealous because you and your wife are happy together and he's felt rejection from the opposite sex? rejection from friends or family... if we were talking about a 5-11 year old kid who is just having temper tantrums i could see where breaking out the belt would have it's affects.. when the teenager issues come up, brute force isn't always required... if he's acting out at a level of 6, you don't want to challenge him at 10... it's important that you do not loose control when disiplining him, because that is weakness, esp in todays youth.. staying one notch above will always keep him on the defensive...

for example: he likes slamming his bedroom door? then go take it off the hinges and see how his privacy is reduced... you don't have to yell or get physical, yet you can make the point of respecting the house (property as well as peaceful enviroment) and punishing him for loosing control/being disrespectful/immature/etc

[springerpete]

Ok, I have a few things going through my mind right now so here goes. My dad is like John Wayne. He is a large man that doesn't take any crap. He doesn't like liars, theives and dopeheads. He showed me where the line was and I didn't cross it. If I did there was Hell to pay: working all day till well after the sun went down, getting your ass beat with a belt. or both. He was a hard working man and demanded respect.

Respect is earned but born of fear. Your kid needs to respect you above all else. If he doesn't then YOU need to figure out how to get it. If your not up for this then let ihim go now because he is up for the fight. 14 year olds are trying to find their boundaries and what they can and cannot do. It's your job to turn him into a healthy and socially functioning adult that knows how to make good decisions. Take my word for it, it may not sound like he's listening but he is as long as you mean what you are saying. I still remember some of the "old" sayings my family used to tell me while I was growing up and I whip them out on my kids every now and then.

Lastly, I don't care how smart you think you are. If you are not living your life right, your kid knows it and will not respect you for it. That goes even if you think your hiding it well. I'm not making any accusations. I'm simply giving observatioins. You are his role model, period. He will respect you if you act like someone that is worthy of respect. That crap of "Do as I say and not as I do." doesn't fly.

BTW, There are plenty of things that you and him can do together without you invading his space. You can still work on cars together regardless of what other people say. Kids that age are very goal oriented and will work very hard to achieve them.

So here it is in a nutshell. He needs rewards for doing well and consequences for doing badly. Above all else teach them that family is most important. Do it through deeds rather than words.

[Cheshirelaugh]

Paddle. My parents only had to use it once on me and I knew they meant business from then on.

Originally Posted by wrek

How do you cope.

My 14 year old boy is a monster. He has no respect for me, my wife or any of our stuff. He stomps around like he's in hell and we're the cause of it. He cusses at me and tells me he wants to go home (he lives with his mother).

What the hell do you do? You can't touch a kid these days or child services shows up... so beating him is out. Though in my day, I would've had a belt on my ass before I said F-you.

[2ndgenz28]

After your 2nd post I can see why he gets away with it, you seem to worried about what someone else might think over the truth.

If your so afraid of the law, use it against him.

Have his ass tossed in juvie for not listening. Yea they will do that.


flip the tables, so he can see the other side of the coin.

[wrek]

I need to point out, I am the biological father. I took him to the police station and they basically told him, he's a juvenile and what I say goes.

[1320junkie]

Originally Posted by wrek

I need to point out, I am the biological father. I took him to the police station and they basically told him, he's a juvenile and what I say goes.

how did he react to that?

[Tactical Z]

Originally Posted by wrek

I need to point out, I am the biological father. I took him to the police station and they basically told him, he's a juvenile and what I say goes.

Yes I am 13, but maybe you should take him to your nearest detention center?

[Skyblu]

Originally Posted by zweb620

Take it from me.....I'm 14
Take his stuff away.
Every time he swears or acts disrespectful take something he likes away
It will work.Trust me

Very good! You are right, I do this with my 8 year old, it's really the only thing she understands! When she was smaller I made her stand in the corner or got spanked if it was something really bad, and she will still gets the spanking at this age if it is really really bad but no allowance for chores or taking away her favorite things works for her. And you have to follow through with your threats of punishment cause if you don't they WILL walk all over you and never respect you.

[kjd15]

Originally Posted by wrek

I need to point out, I am the biological father. I took him to the police station and they basically told him, he's a juvenile and what I say goes.

How did it go?

[wrek]

Well they told him to suck it up and deal with it. Whatever I say, goes. That if he wants to throw a fit and put holes in the walls, I can press charges for vandalism. If they have to show up, things have already gotten out of hand and the results won't be good for anyone.

We're going to find someplace we can go for counseling. This has gone on too long. The hair cut got his attention (I didn't go through with it but it got him to open up and talk to me).

[2001ragtop]

Just tell your kid you don't care what he does or says. (reverse pyschology)

oldest trick in the book. once he sees nothing he does can affect you, he probably will get bored and stop. he might even become more focused on staying out of trouble.

and also: let him get in as much trouble as he wants. allow him to make himself look like an ass all by himself without your involvement.

Just be sure YOU ARE NOT Acting like that yourself. YOU HAVE to be the calm relaxed one, so it will more fully EMPHASIZE that he is a baffoon.

MOST kids have to learn from their own mistakes. let him make them.

he is old enough now to know whats right and wrong.

But you are right. When he is in YOUR house, he has to follow YOUR rules.

POST/STATE THE RULES in a way that is not confusing. Then do not back down when he decides not to follow them. take away his priveledges, etc. you don't have to punch him in the face.

However: IF YOU ARE running some kind of MILITARY STYLE household, he likely will hate you and run away. IF YOU TALK TO HIM LIKE YOU DONT CARE ABOUT HIM AND THAT YOU TAKE PLEASURE IN bossing him around, then yeah he is going to hate you probably for the next 50 years. DO WHAT IT TAKES to get him to see you care about him.

i was very angry when i was 14. i was a screw-up. no self-esteem. i had few friends. i believe I was/and still am obnoxious. later on i woke up and decided i did not want to go my entire life like that. your son probably will watch OTHER KIDS end up in jail, or have problems that he probably does NOT want to happen to him. He has to make changes on his own. I bet he will. He likely just wants everyone to leave him alone. I am 41 and I STILL want everyone to leave me the F--- alone. To this day, I can't go anywhere with some total stranger trying to tell me what to do, or what to think, or how fast to drive, etc. Most people on the planet are fiercely obnoxious and annoying. 99 Percent of people almost always try to force their opinion on you when you didn't ask for it. The LEAST YOU CAN DO IS NOT BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. TRY TO BE YOUR KIDS FRIEND NOT HIS ENEMY.

i suggest you be patient and keep the lines of communication open. BEING aggressive is a bad idea. you can trick kids into thinking anything. if he desperately hates your guts though, you might have to just get used to that. eventually he likely will get over it. Just don't give him MORE and MORE reasons to hate you. I don't know what you're dealing with, but if your son does not admire you, or look up to you, you need to figure out why and also figure out if anyone else hates you besides him. Like I said, I don't know what you are dealing with. he sounds like he hates his life.

good luck.

[67 Convertible]

I wish you luck. I have 5 boys, 3 biological and 2 stepsons...all grown up now, the youngest is 24.

I was having trouble with one of my biological sons. Attitude, smoking some pot, doing bad in school, school suspensions, even expelled from one school and just giving people crap. I can tell you the family counseling did not work. Meeting with therapists and social workers didn't work.

What did work: My buddy was youth officer in a neighboring town. We set up a date that I would meet him with my son at the police station. We both hopped in the police car and drove to a prison about 45 minutes away. We were given a "tour" of the prison, with inmates screaming and harrassing us from their cells as we walked down the hall. We then went to a conference room where there were two inmates waiting for us. The two inmates were "lifers". They proceeded to "talk" to my son for about an hour, kind of a tough love scenerio. (My buddy and I were with my son at all times.) I have to tell you, that even I was scared crapless! My son was in tears, he was about 14-15 at the time. They basically told him that he would end up like them, doing time unless he straightened out. But it was REAL dramatic and truthful.

I had a complete turn around with his attitude after that prison visit. It worked immediately. He's now 27, has his own place and girlfriend and a great job. He grew up to be a nice, respectful young man. I admire how he turned things around. I'm very proud of him and love him to death.