Stepson in trouble.... - Page 4

DevilsReject97 · 05-03-2011, 04:28 PM

Ladybugsmom,

Your stepson sounds like a kid who is lost. He sounds like someone who is trying to find something that he's not getting at home. Every boy at 12 is generally looking at girls, but attention at any level, good or bad, is something some people don't get. What I'm getting at is that it's possible he's not getting the attention he's seeking at home.

You may love him, his mother and father may love him, but is it possible that he is simply not feeling "loved"?

I've never known my father, and I'm on stepdad #3, so I can understand what a divorce can do to a child. It's especially difficult as they get older. I watched my younger brother go through a similar stretch when he hit about the same age.

My mother was afraid to discipline him most of the time, rarely doing more than grounding or the rare spanking. His father would spank him but that was it. Grounding him didn't work because he never cared about going outside. Taking his things from him really didn't work either, as eventually he would do other things.

Is he involved in any activities? Does he have any hobbies that he likes that the family as a whole can be a part of?

I've spent my time out on the street fighting, getting into trouble, doing my fair share of dirt. I was very fortunate to not get caught 99% of the time. Kids will do it because we can....for any reason we can come up with.

Several have mentioned it, but the big thing has got to be to get him to express why he really did take it to school. My guess? He's wanting for someone to make him feel a way he's not getting at home. That could be as simple as the words, great job Tommy, you did a fantastic job on that son....etc...

To give you a point of reference....after almost 10 years as my 2nd stepdad, he could not correctly spell my first name.... so maybe take a look at the things that you and his parents are doing as a whole. Maybe there is something that is going on that he's simply acting out about. I can't speak on some of this because I don't know a whole lot....but I am just giving a different perspective on what I've seen in my life...

wylde1 · 05-03-2011, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DevilsReject97

Ladybugsmom,

Your stepson sounds like a kid who is lost. He sounds like someone who is trying to find something that he's not getting at home. Every boy at 12 is generally looking at girls, but attention at any level, good or bad, is something some people don't get. What I'm getting at is that it's possible he's not getting the attention he's seeking at home.

You may love him, his mother and father may love him, but is it possible that he is simply not feeling "loved"?

I've never known my father, and I'm on stepdad #3, so I can understand what a divorce can do to a child. It's especially difficult as they get older. I watched my younger brother go through a similar stretch when he hit about the same age.

My mother was afraid to discipline him most of the time, rarely doing more than grounding or the rare spanking. His father would spank him but that was it. Grounding him didn't work because he never cared about going outside. Taking his things from him really didn't work either, as eventually he would do other things.

Is he involved in any activities? Does he have any hobbies that he likes that the family as a whole can be a part of?

I've spent my time out on the street fighting, getting into trouble, doing my fair share of dirt. I was very fortunate to not get caught 99% of the time. Kids will do it because we can....for any reason we can come up with.

Several have mentioned it, but the big thing has got to be to get him to express why he really did take it to school. My guess? He's wanting for someone to make him feel a way he's not getting at home. That could be as simple as the words, great job Tommy, you did a fantastic job on that son....etc...

To give you a point of reference....after almost 10 years as my 2nd stepdad, he could not correctly spell my first name.... so maybe take a look at the things that you and his parents are doing as a whole. Maybe there is something that is going on that he's simply acting out about. I can't speak on some of this because I don't know a whole lot....but I am just giving a different perspective on what I've seen in my life...

I agree 100%. I'm also on my 3rd step-dad, and remember vividly fighting for my biological dads attention from very young. Never worked and took alot out of me, eventually (even recently though I'm now almost 27) I came to terms with the fact it just wasn't worth it. Anyway the point is, I did alot of dumb things when I was younger trying to get attention from certain people. But due to, lets call it transient parenting, I lived with my grandparents alot of my life. I to this day respect my Grandfather more than anyone in the world because he took the time to raise me, yes I was terrified of him when I was younger, but that worked. And as I got older it turned into calm conversations undil I could see his point.

What I'm trying to say I guess, is if you feel like your boy is getting lost, does he have a figure in his life that has been a constant? someone that even though he might act cool, he really really doesn't want to dissapoint? For me it was my Grandpa, and that may be a huge help to get someone like that to become vocal with him.

The other thing that really helped me get back on the right path was staying busy. I started getting into more activities and eventually I didn't have time to be an idiot anymore. (mostly haha) My grandpa gave me his old golf clubs, started me playing guitar, got my parents to put me in more sports, hell he even used to buy old lawn mowers at yard sales so I could take them apart and learn how engines worked. Not everyone has someone like that, I was very lucky, but the principles remain the same.

Girls throw a big wrench in a guys life haha. For some reason the young girls (and even most when you're growing up) want to hang out with the nice guy, but don't want to have sex with them. And that's a major problem to a guy in high school. haha Unfortunately I just don't know how to get around that aside from waiting it out, but it may never change.

good luck!

Hemlawk · 05-03-2011, 06:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lil_chef

i disagree with you and almost agree with the dad. DON'T pass the kid off to the school system to have them do your job as parents for you.

I agree. Keep it within the family,

Nitehawke50 · 05-03-2011, 06:41 PM

Check with the local Marine Corps Recruiter and see if they have the "Devil-Pups" program in your area, If there is, send his ass to it. It's a weekend program and I've seen how it changes the attitude of kids who think there "cool, badass, etc. My wife had a friend at work who had a daughter (14) who was out of control ask me to take her and enter her in the program. Let's just say she changed her ways after being in the program and she is doing well at 22.

Iroczlover · 05-03-2011, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nitehawke50

Check with the local Marine Corps Recruiter and see if they have the "Devil-Pups" program in your area, If there is, send his ass to it. It's a weekend program and I've seen how it changes the attitude of kids who think there "cool, badass, etc. My wife had a friend at work who had a daughter (14) who was out of control ask me to take her and enter her in the program. Let's just say she changed her ways after being in the program and she is doing well at 22.

lol we have one Marine unit in this state & its a couple hours away.

Ladybugsmom · 05-03-2011, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nitehawke50

Check with the local Marine Corps Recruiter and see if they have the "Devil-Pups" program in your area, If there is, send his ass to it. It's a weekend program and I've seen how it changes the attitude of kids who think there "cool, badass, etc. My wife had a friend at work who had a daughter (14) who was out of control ask me to take her and enter her in the program. Let's just say she changed her ways after being in the program and she is doing well at 22.

That is an excellent idea! I just looked at the Devil Pups website, though, and it's only in CA, AZ, and NV.... But, maybe something similar is nearby!

Iroczlover · 05-03-2011, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

That is an excellent idea! I just looked at the Devil Pups website, though, and it's only in CA, AZ, and NV.... But, maybe something similar is nearby!

thats what the Civil air patrol program is like as well. you have one right next door to you. lol

Nitehawke50 · 05-03-2011, 06:55 PM

Go to www.youngmarines.com and enter yout zip code and it will give you a unit near you. The program focuses on character building through a combination of self-discipline, etc.

Semper Fi!

Iroczlover · 05-03-2011, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nitehawke50

Go to www.youngmarines.com and enter yout zip code and it will give you a unit near you. The program focuses on character building through a combination of self-discipline, etc.

Semper Fi!

same program diff service using it.
http://www.gocivilairpatrol.com

Ivas · 05-03-2011, 08:11 PM

I teach at a high school, and I am familiar with expulsion hearings. Weapons violations are pretty certain to result in expulsion from the school district for one year.

That, after all is said and done, might well be the best solution you could hope for under the circumstances. To the boy it'll be a deep punishment fraught with worries, guilt, loss of friends, new expectations of him that may set him on edge for a while. All for the good, I say.
The closest district, probably contiguous with yours, must accept him. The new school cannot be terribly far away. Remember, he's at the age that many students have to make their own way to school everyday. Good, make HIM get there. Don't let his misbehavior punish you. HE MUST LIVE WITH HIS DEED'S CONSEQUENCES.
It will work. Do it.

05-03-2011, 04:28 PM	#43
DevilsReject97 Nightmare Drives: Your mom crazy in bed Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Naptown Posts: 2,442	Ladybugsmom, Your stepson sounds like a kid who is lost. He sounds like someone who is trying to find something that he's not getting at home. Every boy at 12 is generally looking at girls, but attention at any level, good or bad, is something some people don't get. What I'm getting at is that it's possible he's not getting the attention he's seeking at home. You may love him, his mother and father may love him, but is it possible that he is simply not feeling "loved"? I've never known my father, and I'm on stepdad #3, so I can understand what a divorce can do to a child. It's especially difficult as they get older. I watched my younger brother go through a similar stretch when he hit about the same age. My mother was afraid to discipline him most of the time, rarely doing more than grounding or the rare spanking. His father would spank him but that was it. Grounding him didn't work because he never cared about going outside. Taking his things from him really didn't work either, as eventually he would do other things. Is he involved in any activities? Does he have any hobbies that he likes that the family as a whole can be a part of? I've spent my time out on the street fighting, getting into trouble, doing my fair share of dirt. I was very fortunate to not get caught 99% of the time. Kids will do it because we can....for any reason we can come up with. Several have mentioned it, but the big thing has got to be to get him to express why he really did take it to school. My guess? He's wanting for someone to make him feel a way he's not getting at home. That could be as simple as the words, great job Tommy, you did a fantastic job on that son....etc... To give you a point of reference....after almost 10 years as my 2nd stepdad, he could not correctly spell my first name.... so maybe take a look at the things that you and his parents are doing as a whole. Maybe there is something that is going on that he's simply acting out about. I can't speak on some of this because I don't know a whole lot....but I am just giving a different perspective on what I've seen in my life... __________________

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05-03-2011, 06:41 PM	#46
Nitehawke50 Drives: 2010 Camaro 2SS/RS: Sold! Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Fort Worth, TX Posts: 141 View My Garage	Check with the local Marine Corps Recruiter and see if they have the "Devil-Pups" program in your area, If there is, send his ass to it. It's a weekend program and I've seen how it changes the attitude of kids who think there "cool, badass, etc. My wife had a friend at work who had a daughter (14) who was out of control ask me to take her and enter her in the program. Let's just say she changed her ways after being in the program and she is doing well at 22.

05-03-2011, 06:55 PM	#50
Nitehawke50 Drives: 2010 Camaro 2SS/RS: Sold! Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Fort Worth, TX Posts: 141 View My Garage	Go to www.youngmarines.com and enter yout zip code and it will give you a unit near you. The program focuses on character building through a combination of self-discipline, etc. Semper Fi!

05-03-2011, 08:11 PM	#52
Ivas el Ruco Drives: 2010 Camaro SS (now runnin' TENS ) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Fontana, CA Posts: 7,388	I teach at a high school, and I am familiar with expulsion hearings. Weapons violations are pretty certain to result in expulsion from the school district for one year. That, after all is said and done, might well be the best solution you could hope for under the circumstances. To the boy it'll be a deep punishment fraught with worries, guilt, loss of friends, new expectations of him that may set him on edge for a while. All for the good, I say. The closest district, probably contiguous with yours, must accept him. The new school cannot be terribly far away. Remember, he's at the age that many students have to make their own way to school everyday. Good, make HIM get there. Don't let his misbehavior punish you. HE MUST LIVE WITH HIS DEED'S CONSEQUENCES. It will work. Do it.