Joke tellin' page

[ImBlown]

o.k here goes,
So theres two muffins in the oven, one muffin says damn its hot in here and the other muffin goes WTF a talking muffin........haha??


.heard this joke a while back was funny only the first time...

[mastertypodemon]

Originally Posted by TIE FIGHTR

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

Well, if it'll help the US economy, i'll do what i can.

[99RedRagSS]

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said......,




(you are going to love this…..










"What's for dinner, Zorro?"

[Mark A Collier Sr]

Originally Posted by 99RedRagSS

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said......,




(you are going to love this…..










"What's for dinner, Zorro?"

That was AWESOME!!!!

[Dr Jkel]

Two Little Boys.

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were
excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it. If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher
in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to
see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, 'Do you know where God is, son?'

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he
made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question
in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?'

Again, the boy made no attempt to
answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, 'Where is God?'

The boy screamed and bolted from the
room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in
the closet, he asked, 'What happened?'

The younger brother, gasping for
breath, replied, 'We are in BIG trouble this time,'



'GOD is missing, and they think we did
it!'

[hot_rod]

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."



Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.



The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household there was only one man.



God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."



God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"



The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

[Iwantone2]

Originally Posted by hot_rod

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."



Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.



The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household there was only one man.



God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."



God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"



The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

[Lawdog1911]

I got a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely!!!!!

[CamaroCowboy]

Originally Posted by Lawdog1911

I got a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely!!!!!

LMFAO...............

[Tessa]

Originally Posted by 99RedRagSS

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said......,




(you are going to love this…..










"What's for dinner, Zorro?"

I love this one -- and men complain that woman get disinterested after marriage.

[Tessa]

Originally Posted by hot_rod

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."



Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.



The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household there was only one man.



God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."



God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"



The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

[Lawdog1911]

A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the homeowner, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale."

"I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," the homeowner replied.


"Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set."

[fielderLS3]

An old woman is a week away from her 80th birthday, and each of her three sons were looking for the perfect gift. All three had managed to become quite wealthy, and each wanted their gift to be quite memorable and outdo that of the other two.

The first son went out and bought here a brand new, fully loaded Mercedes S-Class. In addition, he also hired a full time chauffeur for her. Anytime she wanted to go anywhere, he would be available, and she would be riding in comfort and style.

The second son got wind if this, and felt he could do even better. He bought her a huge house on the beach, with an excellent view of the ocean.

When the third son found out, he didn't know what to do. How could he top that? He knew that his mother was very religious, and spoke with her priest often. He went to him figuring that he would have an insight into what type of gift would really be meaningful to her.

When the third son asked the priest what type of gift to get, he said he knew just the thing. He showed him a parrot that was being kept in the church. The priest said that this wasn't just any parrot. Just name any bible verse, and the parrot would recite it. The nuns had been training the birds like this for years and selling them to raise money for their mission work. Each bird took 10 years to train. The third son thought it was perfect, and bought the bird.

Then came the big day, mother's 80th birthday, and they all happily gave her their gifts. A week later, the first son got a letter. The mother appreciated the car and the driver. However, she said that she wasn't able to get out much at her age, and that she didn't really know what to do with the car and driver.

The second son also got a letter. Again, she was grateful for the house on the beach. However, she lived alone and had little need for all the space, and, becoming feeble at her age, was having a hard time keeping so many rooms up. Her eyesight had also begun to fail, and she was sad that she couldn't enjoy the beautiful view of the ocean.

Finally, the third son got a letter. She told him that his was the one gift that actually made sense. She was touched that the third son had actually put some thought into the gift instead of just throwing money at it. So to him, she said, "Thank you, the chicken was delicious."

[Buelligun]

My girlfriend dumped me the other day-
She said I was way too kinky for her...............................








I almost choked on her p1ss when she told me!!!!