Something to make you laugh!!!

[2010 2-Tone]

[SSE 4 2SS]

Originally Posted by guiLT

Ill have to delete my Camaro5 account now.

Don't delete the account, we need the humor... just add a "y" to the end of your user name...

[WadeWilson]

Originally Posted by SSE 4 2SS

Don't delete the account, we need the humor... just add a "y" to the end of your user name...

[camaroluver]

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car. They said, "Heavens no, we bought it."

He said, "Then why don't you drive it away".

Each of the women said, "We can't drive".

The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked, "Then why did you buy it?"

They answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we're just waiting."

[parksdjs]

These are GOOD keep them coming. LOL

[WadeWilson]

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.

Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"

"Yup, shore am!"

"How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."

The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."

The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"

[SSE 4 2SS]

Originally Posted by Stang_Killer

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.

Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"

"Yup, shore am!"

"How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."

The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."

The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"

So where is the humor???

[camaroluver]

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on a door in a Senior community. It was opened by an old lady in a bathrobe.

"Go away" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money! I'm flat broke!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty, my dear lady!" he said. "Not until you have as least seen my amazing demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this wonderful Kirby vacuum cleaner doesn't remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder of it."

The old Lady stepped back and said, "Well, I sure hope you've got a good appetite sonny, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

[WadeWilson]

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterward, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterward, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

[WadeWilson]

Originally Posted by camaroluver

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on a door in a Senior community. It was opened by an old lady in a bathrobe.

"Go away" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money! I'm flat broke!" and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty, my dear lady!" he said. "Not until you have as least seen my amazing demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this wonderful Kirby vacuum cleaner doesn't remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder of it."

The old Lady stepped back and said, "Well, I sure hope you've got a good appetite sonny, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

[Dr Jkel]

SHOOTING CHICKENS AT WINDSHIELDS

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4-pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo -- "Defrost the chicken.” (True Story)

[Dr Jkel]

>>FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:
>>
>>1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home,
>>who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
>>
>>2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you
>>laugh.
>>
>>3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust
>>and who doesn't lie to you.
>>
>>4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed
>>and who likes to be with you.
>>
>>5. It's very, very important that these four women
>>do not know each other.

[camaroluver]

Originally Posted by Dr Jekel

SHOOTING CHICKENS AT WINDSHIELDS

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket Scientist!
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4-pound dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo -- "Defrost the chicken.” (True Story)

["prima"Donna]

Well, I just got some great laughs for the day!!!!!!!