alcoholics - Page 2

Steve Dallas · 03-05-2012, 07:59 PM

Oh, and here's one of the more horrific drinking/driving photos around. Happened in Mexico. Show her this, and that her continuing to do what she does could very well result in this.

austinjames · 03-05-2012, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve Dallas

Oh, and here's one of the more horrific drinking/driving photos around. Happened in Mexico. Show her this, and that her continuing to do what she does could very well result in this.

OMG

motorhead · 03-05-2012, 08:18 PM

Take it from me those pics of wrecks and shot livers won't work with most abusers. It's usually a matter of waking up so discussed with yourself and what you have become that you either kill yourself or you do something to fix it. I feel bad for your friend because I know what she's doing to herself and the people around her. Just pray that hopefully she will realize this before something bad happens. The sad thing is that it usually takes that bad thing to wake them up.
Good Luck in helping your friend.

Ivas · 03-05-2012, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steveo9043

record her one night. Let her see what you see. Seeing things from the outside are different then how people see themselves on the inside.

Oooh yeah, da' peeper.

A nosey friend is NOT what she needs. Try joining her when she "has a few jars up", as my Irish father is wont to say, and take her to a more enjoyable level of friendship. She won't quit drinkin', but she'll see that there are more avenues to follow than the boring one she is on.

nasty2ss · 03-05-2012, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GunnyG

Take this advice from a child of an alcoholic...you've got to distance yourself. You're the one spun up emotionally, not her. To her it's a big joke. Facebooking empty beer cans/bottles and what not. You get mad, she gets plastered. You could always stay in contact with the kids, even be a pallbearer at her funeral. Sorry if this is blunt, but she's taking you for granted and using the kids as a shield. I'm sure you love her, and she's a nice person when she's sober...

Here's her future fun time...kids and best friends are not immune!

So very true,and lives of innocent people will be ruined.I'm living it

angie7 · 03-05-2012, 10:13 PM

I will also add she is my live in boyfriends sister, we have been together for nearly 2 yrs now so stopping a friendship is impossible. I have distanced myself to protect me bc of this behavior and her selfishness is too much. Our friendship is extremely one sided with me giving and doing all the time. My bf/her bro is also very concerned about her but is unsure what to do as well. He wants to do an intervention and force her into rehab. I know thats not the answer cuz like you all have said she has to want to and she doesnt see a problem.

Thank you for all your comments and advice. I really appreciate it and need to hear it.

Globemaster · 03-06-2012, 05:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steve Dallas

GunnyG, you are absolutely correct in this.

Alcoholics will deny deny deny that they have a problem. I haven't spoken to my father for almost 10 years because I'm done with him, unless he quits drinking.

My girlfriend in high school was killed by a drunk driver.

Simply put, you need to give her an ultimatum. Go get help, or you need to get out of her life. If her alcholism is affecting how she treats or takes care of her children, it may be necessary to intervene and call Child Protective Services (if the kids are still young).
Simply put, you need to be blunt, and any attempt she makes to "laugh it off", you press back and tell her how it's not funny...it's sad.

Still, she may never take your advice, so you need to do what's best for the kids.

Hate to say it but this maybe the wakeup call she needs. Talk to her about possible losing her kids. I mean not waking up to sirens and phones during a tornado is endangering them. If nothing else do it for the kids you can make new friends but the kids are a precious thing that can never ever be replaced.

Ladybugsmom · 03-06-2012, 07:45 AM

Alcoholics will continue to deny there's a problem until there is a wake up call. For most, a DUI isn't enough. A car wreck? Maybe. Kids being taken away? Definitely a wake up call. I would call CPS as well.
I know you're a mom, you've probably had the thought of calling CPS already, but the thought of calling CPS on a friend and being the cause of her losing her kids is holding you back. Keep in mind, even though you might be making the call, she's the one making the decision to pop open the next beer, so SHE's the cause of losing her kids. Also, if she doesn't lose her kids temporarily to CPS now (she can get them back if she straightens up), she will lose them permanently later on - either in a wreck, or because they walk away from her. I haven't spoken to my alcoholic mom in over 4 years. Her fault, not mine...

Mrvnmartian · 03-06-2012, 08:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by angie7

I will also add she is my live in boyfriends sister, we have been together for nearly 2 yrs now so stopping a friendship is impossible. I have distanced myself to protect me bc of this behavior and her selfishness is too much. Our friendship is extremely one sided with me giving and doing all the time. My bf/her bro is also very concerned about her but is unsure what to do as well. He wants to do an intervention and force her into rehab. I know thats not the answer cuz like you all have said she has to want to and she doesnt see a problem.

Thank you for all your comments and advice. I really appreciate it and need to hear it.

My ex-wife was/is a recovering alcoholic. Find an alanon group, they can help you and your boyfriend figure out how to handle this disease. It is not your fault and continuing to help her is actually making things worse. It doesn't help that she is family.
I was active duty in the AF and the military paid for a 3 week detox program for her and it still didn't work. I stopped supporting her we got a divorce while she was in prison.
She started to realize what she was doing, but it still took her almost two years to be committed to helping herself heal from the disease. Last I heard she has been sober for about 9 months now and going to AA regularly. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend.

14pilot · 03-06-2012, 08:30 AM

You cannot fix her. You cannot directly even help her. She has to help herself.

Other than removing yourself from the situation, and telling her why you are doing so, very little that you can do here.

It's frustrating. I lived with a drunk for 6 years. Had to learn the hard way that I should have just left the situation years before. Now 20 years later, I'm doing fine, but she is still a drunk that hurts everyone around her.

Ladybugsmom · 03-06-2012, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrvnmartian

My ex-wife was/is a recovering alcoholic. Find an alanon group, they can help you and your boyfriend figure out how to handle this disease. It is not your fault and continuing to help her is actually making things worse. It doesn't help that she is family.
I was active duty in the AF and the military paid for a 3 week detox program for her and it still didn't work. I stopped supporting her we got a divorce while she was in prison.
She started to realize what she was doing, but it still took her almost two years to be committed to helping herself heal from the disease. Last I heard she has been sober for about 9 months now and going to AA regularly. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend.

This point is good. If you cover for her - drive her places, care for the kids, etc... - you are enabling her. You may think you're just doing what's best for the kids, but in reality, you are only allowing her to drink more - she knows you'll pick up the slack...

SlingShot · 03-06-2012, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ladybugsmom

This point is good. If you cover for her - drive her places, care for the kids, etc... - you are enabling her. You may think you're just doing what's best for the kids, but in reality, you are only allowing her to drink more - she knows you'll pick up the slack...

If you want to help her, drop a dime on her for child endangerment and have her a$$ locked up. Then she will have no choice but to clean up her act, or risk losing everything.

Steve Dallas · 03-06-2012, 10:35 AM

Now that you've described the situation as far as relationships, you are correct....your BF needs to be involved with this. If you can do an intervention, do it. Otherwise, you both may want to go the route of going after her with CPS to force her to clean up because of the pressure of taking away the kids.

cab2g · 03-06-2012, 11:52 AM

I had a friend who is an alcoholic get into a drunk driving accident and then get a DUI. What you all say about denial is so true. He kept saying that it was so BS that he got a ticket for DUI because "Anybody could have fallen asleep behind the wheel" because it was late at night. But he still can't see that if he wasn't drunk he wouldn't have gotten behind the wheel when he was so tired.

A DUI may not even be enough. Denial is very powerful. She needs to be shown in many ways how she is hurting herself an others. I say do all of the above. Record her on video, do an intervention, call the cops. One at a time, but maybe just maybe she'll get out of that denial phase and try to change her life.

03-05-2012, 07:59 PM	#15
Steve Dallas Commits weekly crime Drives: 2017 Camaro 1LT Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Camano Island, WA Posts: 9,513 View My Garage	Oh, and here's one of the more horrific drinking/driving photos around. Happened in Mexico. Show her this, and that her continuing to do what she does could very well result in this. __________________ 2017 Camaro 1LT - Blue Barchetta IV I fire up the willing engine, responding with a roar. Tires spitting gravel I commit my weekly crime.

03-05-2012, 08:18 PM	#17
motorhead Drives: Love the one you're with Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Downtown Charlie Brown Posts: 11,849	Take it from me those pics of wrecks and shot livers won't work with most abusers. It's usually a matter of waking up so discussed with yourself and what you have become that you either kill yourself or you do something to fix it. I feel bad for your friend because I know what she's doing to herself and the people around her. Just pray that hopefully she will realize this before something bad happens. The sad thing is that it usually takes that bad thing to wake them up. Good Luck in helping your friend. Last edited by motorhead; 03-05-2012 at 09:10 PM.

03-05-2012, 10:13 PM	#20
angie7 Smoked by a GIRL Drives: 2014 2SS/RS Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Southern Indiana Posts: 3,748 View My Garage	I will also add she is my live in boyfriends sister, we have been together for nearly 2 yrs now so stopping a friendship is impossible. I have distanced myself to protect me bc of this behavior and her selfishness is too much. Our friendship is extremely one sided with me giving and doing all the time. My bf/her bro is also very concerned about her but is unsure what to do as well. He wants to do an intervention and force her into rehab. I know thats not the answer cuz like you all have said she has to want to and she doesnt see a problem. Thank you for all your comments and advice. I really appreciate it and need to hear it. __________________ 2014 2SS/RS Summit White w/ IOM interior "Powder 2.0"

03-06-2012, 07:45 AM	#22
Ladybugsmom Older than I look.... Drives: 2010 VR Camaro 2SS/RS LS3 Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Washington Posts: 6,481 View My Garage	Alcoholics will continue to deny there's a problem until there is a wake up call. For most, a DUI isn't enough. A car wreck? Maybe. Kids being taken away? Definitely a wake up call. I would call CPS as well. I know you're a mom, you've probably had the thought of calling CPS already, but the thought of calling CPS on a friend and being the cause of her losing her kids is holding you back. Keep in mind, even though you might be making the call, she's the one making the decision to pop open the next beer, so SHE's the cause of losing her kids. Also, if she doesn't lose her kids temporarily to CPS now (she can get them back if she straightens up), she will lose them permanently later on - either in a wreck, or because they walk away from her. I haven't spoken to my alcoholic mom in over 4 years. Her fault, not mine... __________________ High Heels and Fast Wheels!!

03-06-2012, 10:35 AM	#27
Steve Dallas Commits weekly crime Drives: 2017 Camaro 1LT Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Camano Island, WA Posts: 9,513 View My Garage	Now that you've described the situation as far as relationships, you are correct....your BF needs to be involved with this. If you can do an intervention, do it. Otherwise, you both may want to go the route of going after her with CPS to force her to clean up because of the pressure of taking away the kids. __________________ 2017 Camaro 1LT - Blue Barchetta IV I fire up the willing engine, responding with a roar. Tires spitting gravel I commit my weekly crime.

03-06-2012, 11:52 AM	#28
cab2g love. my. car. Drives: 2011 2SS/RS Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Chicago Posts: 3,372 View My Garage	I had a friend who is an alcoholic get into a drunk driving accident and then get a DUI. What you all say about denial is so true. He kept saying that it was so BS that he got a ticket for DUI because "Anybody could have fallen asleep behind the wheel" because it was late at night. But he still can't see that if he wasn't drunk he wouldn't have gotten behind the wheel when he was so tired. A DUI may not even be enough. Denial is very powerful. She needs to be shown in many ways how she is hurting herself an others. I say do all of the above. Record her on video, do an intervention, call the cops. One at a time, but maybe just maybe she'll get out of that denial phase and try to change her life. __________________