Grab some tissue... These will make you cry.... and choke

[Lava]

I am crying I'm laughing so hard!!!!!!! Too damn funny!!:sm 0:

[Sir Nuke]

OMG....



THAT RIGHT THERE IS FUNNY, I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE!!!

[irocnroll]

This guy is hilarious. I think I have read just about all of his email chains on his site.

[Dr Jkel]

These are too good

[8ty8 ls1]

well post #1 =

[x626xBlack]

Originally Posted by 8ty8 ls1

well post #1 =

And Post #4 stated it was a repost... So in essence you reposted a repost about a repost. That sort of redundancy will cause a rift in the space time continuum and implode the galaxy.

However... If you had you would have not risked all of our lives. Thanks for playing.

[rudack]

This guy is Full of WIN! Can't stop laughing...

[Dave McFly]

my fave still has to be the using a drawing of a spider for payment of a overdue bill

[irocnroll]

Someone post it, His site is blocked at work.

[x626xBlack]

Originally Posted by irocnroll

Someone post it, His site is blocked at work.

I will keep posting then.... The next best one is the one with the shark.

[x626xBlack]

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,

Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.


Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,

I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.


Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,


Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.


Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,


Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.


Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,


You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?


Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,


Yes please.


Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached <spider.gif>


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?

Dear Jane,


Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.


Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,


Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.


Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response

Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.


Regards, David.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.


Regards, David.


From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Dear David,


As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.


Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.


Regards, David.
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?

Attached <spider2.gif>

[x626xBlack]

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 30 September 2009 6.04pm
To: Peter Williams
Subject: Inspection Report

Dear Peter,


Thankyou for the surprise inspection and invitation to participate in the next. I appreciate you underlining the text at the bottom of the page which I would otherwise have surely mistaken for part of the natural pattern in the paper. I was going to clean the apartment but had so many things on my 'to do' list that I decided to treat them all equally and draw pictures of sharks instead. I have attached one for your honest appraisal.


Regards, David.


From: Peter Williams
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 9.41am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Inspection Report

David


I recommed you take this matter more seriously. You were sent notice of the inspection as part of our normal procedure. In addition to the cleaning, the light fitting in the lounge room is broken and the apartment smells of smoke.


Peter
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 10.26am
To: Peter Williams
Subject: Re: Re: Inspection Report

Dear Peter,


The light fitting was the victim of a toy lightsabre being swung in a space too small to do the same with a cat. I dodged a leaping double handed overhead attack and the fitting, being fitted, didn't. I will grab a matching replacement $12 fitting from IKEA the next time I require a tiny ironing board or glass tea light.


The smell you mistook for cigarette smoke was probably just from the fog machine. Each Tuesday I hold a disco in my bedroom with strobe lighting and special guest. As my wardrobe door has a large mirror on it, it looks like someone is dancing with you. I once dressed as a lady and it was almost exactly what I imagine dancing with a real lady would be like. Unfortunately, I kept worrying about falling, hitting my head and being found dressed that way so she left after only a few dances and a brief kiss. You should come one night, it will be a dance spectacular. I imagine you are probably a good dancer because you are small and the smallest member of the Rocksteady Crew was definitely the best one.


Regards, David.
From: Peter Williams
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 1.16pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Inspection Report

David


I do not appreciate being called small and being sent stupid drawings of me being eaten by a shark. The apartment is to be cleaned and reinspected in two weeks time. You cant have a fog machine or anything like that at the apartment in case the smoke damages the walls.


Peter
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 4.02pm
To: Peter Williams
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Inspection Report

Dear Peter,


I apologise for mentioning your smallness. It must be a subject most people you know avoid. Was it the Rocksteady Crew comment or the fact that the shark was actually very small in the picture, making you, in comparison, the size of a very small fish? I have attached a revised version which you can print out, pin to your cubicle wall, look at whenever you are feeling down and think "That Volkswagen looks way too small for me to get into, I must be huge."


Regards, David.

From: Peter Williams
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 5.12pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Inspection Report

David


Do not send me anymore drawings. I am not joking. I am keeping a record of everything you send just so you know. If the apartment is not clean when we reinspect in two weeks time, we will consider terminating the lease as we have also had ongoing noise complaints regarding the premises.


Peter
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 01 October 2009 6.27pm
To: Peter Williams
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Inspection Report

Dear Peter,


Yes, I find loud music helps me relax while I clean as the music distracts me so much that I stop cleaning. Which is relaxing. I will probably get onto it this week though as I do not wish to be evicted. I have developed a severe case of agoraphobia and residing in an apartment where I can reach all four walls while standing in the one spot brings me a feeling of security and the daily culling of plague proportion cockroaches gives me something to do in my spare time. I class the eighteen cans of surface spray I use per week as sporting equipment.


I purchased one of those electronic things that plugs into the wall which is meant to scare cockroaches by sending a pulse through the apartment wiring but while it has reduced the numbers, it seems others have evolved to feed off the electrical signal, increasing their size. I am using one as a coffee table in the lounge and two smaller ones as side tables in the bedroom. They would probably be susceptible to carbon monoxide poisoning though so I will try running a hose pipe from my car exhaust to the apartment, closing the windows and leaving the vehicle running overnight. It is apparently an odourless gas so should not prove an issue for my son's cub group sleepover.

Also, I read somewhere once that cockroaches can survive a nuclear attack so I have been collecting the dead ones and intend to glue several thousand to the walls thereby ensuring my survival should Cyberdyne Systems become self aware between now and when the lease runs out.


Regards, David.
From: Peter Williams
Date: Friday 02 October 2009 10.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Inspection Report

I am not going to waste my time reading any more of your stupid nonsense. Clean the property or we will terminate the lease - the choice is yours. Do not email me again unless it is of a serious matter.


Peter
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 02 October 2009 10.36am
To: Peter Williams
Subject: Nom nom nom

[irocnroll]

Lol thats classic. My work blocked all social networking sites and his happened to be under that category. Its upsetting because I enjoyed reading his emails.

[Iwantone2]

Originally Posted by x626xBlack

And Post #4 stated it was a repost... So in essence you reposted a repost about a repost. That sort of redundancy will cause a rift in the space time continuum and implode the galaxy.

However... If you had you would have not risked all of our lives. Thanks for playing.

Cosmic....