Joke tellin' page - Page 16

Dion_1969 · 08-07-2010, 08:44 AM

George W. Bush walks into a bar and says, "Hey, friend, can I have a beer?"
The bartender replies, "Nope."
Angered, Bush finds the bar's manager and complains.
The manager takes the bartender into the back for a talk, then returns after a minute.
"Sorry, Mr. President," the manager states, "but there's nothing I can do. You addressed him as 'friend.'"
Shocked, Bush cries, "What does that have to do with anything?"
The manager replies, "Everybody knows that friends of yours don't have to serve."

Dion_1969 · 08-07-2010, 10:15 AM

What's made because of Republicans, big enough to be seen from space, and resides in China?
American interest payments.

NSCRFN3 · 08-07-2010, 10:18 AM

With Chelsea's wedding coming up ...

Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom

She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?"

Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad"

Dion_1969 · 08-07-2010, 10:25 AM

"[Bush] also said that if you look at the numbers overall, even though things may seem bad right now, they're actually very, very good compared to how they're going to be."

Here is the joke- funny how people forget how we got here but this was the one thing Bush got right.

Dion_1969 · 08-07-2010, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NSCRFN3

With Chelsea's wedding coming up ...

Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom

She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?"

Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad"

Now that's funny!

Dion_1969 · 08-07-2010, 11:28 AM

A driver is stuck on the Golden Gate Bridge, where the traffic is completely stationary.
A passer-by knocks on the driver's window, so the driver rolls it down and asks what's going on.
"Terrorists are holding George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Dennis Hastert for ransom," states the person on foot. "They say that if they don't get $100 million in unmarked bills, they're going to drench the three of them with gasoline and set them on fire. So, we're going from car to car, taking up a collection."
"How much is everyone giving, on average?" asks the driver.
The collector replies, "About a gallon."

hot_rod · 08-07-2010, 12:08 PM

January
Took new scarf back to store because
it was too tight..

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels......
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!

March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....
box said "2-4 years!"

April
Trapped on escalator for hours ....
power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of
water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing.......
couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....
learned later,
the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....
car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is "C".....
isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's.....
they are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ..
instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn't call 911 . "duh".....
there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

Dion_1969 · 08-07-2010, 12:22 PM

Bushisms:
"And America needs a military where our breast and brightest are proud to serve, and proud to stay."
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
"If you're a single mother with two children, which is the toughest job in America as far as I'm concerned, and you're working hard to put food on your family..."
"Rarely is the question asked, 'Is our children learning?'"
"I know that human beings and fish can coexist peacefully."
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
"Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling."
"And so, in my State of the... my State of the Union... or state... my speech to the nation... whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation, I asked Americans to give 4,000 years... 4,000 hours over the next.... the rest of your life."
"A lot of times in politics you have people look you in the eye and tell you what's not on their mind." (OK so maybe he actually meant what he said here)
"These are the actual results for the fiscal year that ended February the 30th." ( and with that grasp of time, numbers, etc we wonder why we were thrust into a near depression)

*CamaroSpike23* · 08-07-2010, 02:36 PM

I'm all for a good joke, but everyone needs to keep in mind that the political jokes are pushing the rules a little too far. cut back on the political jokes, there's plenty more types of jokes to tell.

NSCRFN3 · 08-07-2010, 06:32 PM

After a long night of making love,
the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?'
he nervously asks.
'No, silly,'
she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?'
he continues.
'No, not at all,'
she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?'
he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?'
he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.' ...

Mark A Collier Sr · 08-07-2010, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CamaroSpike23

I'm all for a good joke, but everyone needs to keep in mind that the political jokes are pushing the rules a little too far. cut back on the political jokes, there's plenty more types of jokes to tell.

THANK YOU SPIKE!!! I want this thread for everyone to laugh at and ENJOY!!! NOT to get pissed off at! Since I started this thread... is there a way I can remove anything that steps OVER the line?

68/2010 · 08-08-2010, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NSCRFN3

After a long night of making love,
the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?'
he nervously asks.
'No, silly,'
she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?'
he continues.
'No, not at all,'
she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?'
he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?'
he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.' ...

That's great!!!!!!!

hot_rod · 08-09-2010, 04:23 PM

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana.
They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. "It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it."
She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: 'Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer'."
The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word."
She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please."
"And what word would that be?" inquires the man.
"Comfortable," replies the brunette.
The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"
The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."

8ty8 ls1 · 08-09-2010, 04:41 PM

hahahahahahahahahaha!!!

08-07-2010, 08:44 AM	#211
Dion_1969 Drives: ABM 2SS/RS LS3 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Tarpon springs Posts: 215 View My Garage	George W. Bush walks into a bar and says, "Hey, friend, can I have a beer?" The bartender replies, "Nope." Angered, Bush finds the bar's manager and complains. The manager takes the bartender into the back for a talk, then returns after a minute. "Sorry, Mr. President," the manager states, "but there's nothing I can do. You addressed him as 'friend.'" Shocked, Bush cries, "What does that have to do with anything?" The manager replies, "Everybody knows that friends of yours don't have to serve." __________________ Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it- George Santayana

08-07-2010, 10:15 AM	#212
Dion_1969 Drives: ABM 2SS/RS LS3 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Tarpon springs Posts: 215 View My Garage	What's made because of Republicans, big enough to be seen from space, and resides in China? American interest payments. __________________ Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it- George Santayana

08-07-2010, 10:18 AM	#213
NSCRFN3 Drives: 2010 Camaro RJT 2SS/RS M6 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 36°13′12″N 82°20′17″W Posts: 492 View My Garage	Ok, Ok To Keep The Presidential Theme Going........ With Chelsea's wedding coming up ... Hillary wanted to play the perfect Mom She asked Chelsea... "have you had sex with Marc?" Chelsea said.... "Not according to Dad" __________________

08-07-2010, 10:25 AM	#214
Dion_1969 Drives: ABM 2SS/RS LS3 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Tarpon springs Posts: 215 View My Garage	"[Bush] also said that if you look at the numbers overall, even though things may seem bad right now, they're actually very, very good compared to how they're going to be." Here is the joke- funny how people forget how we got here but this was the one thing Bush got right. __________________ Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it- George Santayana

08-07-2010, 11:28 AM	#216
Dion_1969 Drives: ABM 2SS/RS LS3 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Tarpon springs Posts: 215 View My Garage	A driver is stuck on the Golden Gate Bridge, where the traffic is completely stationary. A passer-by knocks on the driver's window, so the driver rolls it down and asks what's going on. "Terrorists are holding George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Dennis Hastert for ransom," states the person on foot. "They say that if they don't get $100 million in unmarked bills, they're going to drench the three of them with gasoline and set them on fire. So, we're going from car to car, taking up a collection." "How much is everyone giving, on average?" asks the driver. The collector replies, "About a gallon." __________________ Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it- George Santayana

08-07-2010, 12:08 PM	#217
hot_rod Drives: 2010 2SS RS Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 1,222 View My Garage	A Blonde's Year in Review January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.. February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels...... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!! March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!" April Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!! May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!! June Tried to go water skiing....... couldn't find a lake with a slope. July Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open. September The capital of California is "C"..... isn't it??? October Hate M & M's..... they are so hard to peel. November Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!! December Couldn't call 911 . "duh"..... there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!! __________________ "Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference." - Mark Twain "Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience" - Unknown

08-07-2010, 12:22 PM	#218
Dion_1969 Drives: ABM 2SS/RS LS3 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Tarpon springs Posts: 215 View My Garage	Bushisms: "And America needs a military where our breast and brightest are proud to serve, and proud to stay." "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." "If you're a single mother with two children, which is the toughest job in America as far as I'm concerned, and you're working hard to put food on your family..." "Rarely is the question asked, 'Is our children learning?'" "I know that human beings and fish can coexist peacefully." "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." "Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling." "And so, in my State of the... my State of the Union... or state... my speech to the nation... whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation, I asked Americans to give 4,000 years... 4,000 hours over the next.... the rest of your life." "A lot of times in politics you have people look you in the eye and tell you what's not on their mind." (OK so maybe he actually meant what he said here) "These are the actual results for the fiscal year that ended February the 30th." ( and with that grasp of time, numbers, etc we wonder why we were thrust into a near depression) __________________ Those who fail to learn from history are condemned to repeat it- George Santayana

08-07-2010, 06:32 PM	#220
NSCRFN3 Drives: 2010 Camaro RJT 2SS/RS M6 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 36°13′12″N 82°20′17″W Posts: 492 View My Garage	After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. 'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him. 'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. 'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear. 'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured. 'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers. 'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands. She whispers in his ear 'That's me before the surgery.' ... __________________

08-09-2010, 04:23 PM	#223
hot_rod Drives: 2010 2SS RS Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 1,222 View My Garage	A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. "It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it." She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: 'Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer'." The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word." She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please." "And what word would that be?" inquires the man. "Comfortable," replies the brunette. The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?" The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL." __________________ "Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference." - Mark Twain "Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience" - Unknown

08-09-2010, 04:41 PM	#224
8ty8 ls1 Resident Engineer Drives: 2010 Camaro SS, 1988 GMC S-15 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 766	hahahahahahahahahaha!!! __________________ 12.68 @ 109: LSR cai, Borla S-type axle-back, Tunes

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