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Old 08-15-2011, 07:04 PM   #71
Ivas
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The second day I owned my ooh soo fine Camaro, wanting to break it in correctly, different speeds, starting and stopping, different curvatures and ups and downs of the road way for 1500 miles, I did just that. I drove all the way to Oregon from the Mexican border and back. As I was gassing up near Crescent city, in far North California, I noticed a huge pile o' bird shit (large flyer, probably a Raven or a Seagull) on my beautiful black hood. I was horrified that an avian creature would have so much nerve and poor taste to empty his sick bowels on my too-fine-for him-to-look-at-new- Camaro.

How dare he! It was around midnight, I was still filling my tank. That shit HADTA' GO. I couldn't bear its existence a second longer. Not having anything wipe-like to hand I picked up an empty cigarette wrapper from the ground and scrubbed that offending mass off my lovely hood. Of course, in the daylight, I saw the damage that a moment of rage combined with frustration can do. Phooey! It won't buff out...
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Old 08-16-2011, 12:37 AM   #72
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivas View Post

I'll start: When I lived as a caretaker on a sail boat, I and my then girlfriend had another couple over to visit. We spent the night in the boat. We slept farthest from the head (toilet) so to avoid waking everyone I relieved myself into a drained beer can.

When I awoke, I had a bad case of cotton-mouth. I shook the beer cans around for one with some beer left in it. I thought that I had found one that had been opened and then forgotten. I drank the contents down, glug, glug, glug. Only then did I recall my nocturnal filling of that can...
WTF?
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Old 08-16-2011, 06:24 PM   #73
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Originally Posted by SM0KE View Post
WTF?
Yeah, those are my feelings exactly. Even though some thirty and then some years have passed, at times, it seems the taste of that kidney processed lager lingers yet on my until-then innocent palate. Ugh.
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Old 08-16-2011, 11:25 PM   #74
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@ kidney processed lager
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Old 08-17-2011, 05:25 PM   #75
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Let's just say you should never open a tube of super glue with your teeth when the cap is stuck
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Old 08-17-2011, 06:08 PM   #76
Ivas
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Red face WOW! How dumb can ya' be?

This is a dumb thing I did, and one for which I have remonstrated with myself ever since.

A neighbor had asked us to house sit for him while he would be out of the country for a few weeks. Due to quarantine restrictions he was unable to take his one-man-trained-attack-dog with him.

The canine's conditioning required that we feed the animal, while keeping our distance from his flesh shearing teeth.

With the dog inside a locked room, we cleaned up and set out his next day's provisions. Once all was safe, the dog could be released from a distance.

While all alone in the room with the food, and the rest of us outside, my mother-in-law called out whether she should open the locked door, now.

To my everlasting chagrin AND regret, I answered, "No."
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Old 01-25-2012, 04:34 PM   #77
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OK my uncle is having trouble clearing a section of pipe for the sink, the place was cottage build with pipes burried in cement, suddenly the short section stops working.

Being a smart @ss I suggest just punching a hole in the wall and running the pipe out site.

Guess what they are doing right now???

[its the hippy eco way to use sink, bath, washing water for lawn or garden as it doesn't need treated.]
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Old 01-25-2012, 07:46 PM   #78
Ivas
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Red face This one may sound familiar. Though I hope it don't.

How 'bout when ya' got your freak on, and your little honey of da' evenin' says, "Doan' worry, daddy, I can't get pregnant; it ain't my time for ovulatin'." And you, who really do know better, goes ahead with the wild thing anyway. DUMB, DUMB, DUMB!
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Old 01-26-2012, 08:57 PM   #79
Ivas
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You're young and stupid. You are "in love" with a girl ya' jus' met. You want reassurance that she's as inexperienced as are you.

When you ask her whether she's ever been with anyone else she answers, "'Course not, honey. Why d'you boys always ask me that?"
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