Teenager Attitudes

[lordfriday2]

Who says you can't discipline your kids these days? that's the problem with kids... their parents are afraid of "cps" well, i've got news for you, you can most certainly discipline your kid as long as you don't break bones... an open hand is is your best friend, doesn't leave long lasting marks as some state laws disallow... and you can use minimal "reasonable" force nescessary to get the message across.. here is a state by state list of the laws of disciplining your child hope this helps.

Click here for the state laws

for instance, Iowa law states that Child endangerment includes using unreasonable force, torture, or cruelty which results in physical injury, is intended to cause serious injury, or causes substantial mental or emotional harm.

let's examine this,

basically it means don't beat him with a weapon, don't strap him to a chair and push bamboo under his nails, don't physically debilitate him, and for heaven sakes don't punish him while wearing a scary mask because that might cause mental or emotional harm...

[FenwickHockey65]

Originally Posted by azfan

Of course, at 14 he's getting a bit large to lay across someone's lap for a spanking.

Could just slap him in the head...

[MasterZ]

Are you on speaking terms with his Mom?

This is important. Even though yal have differences you must communicate about your children. I am quite sure even though yall may not get along that you both want what is best for your son. You both have to establish some common goals about what is best for your son.

She has to understand how he is acting at your house. Would she want this behavior at her house? Does he act like this with her? Odds are he gives her a little more respect... but this is because she is probably letting him get away with anything. She has to understand that this is only hurting his future.

Untill you can get her to work with you then you are going to continue to have issues with him. Simply because he has and escape where he can get away and doesnt have to follow rules.

[NoUCantDriveIt]

How civil is the relationship with your ex? I only ask because more times than not divorce turns the two people kids depend on the most into enemies. Is your son possibly reacting to tension between the two households? The situation may look differently from a childs eyes, and the frustration can come out as anger. Kids pick up on our anxieties and moods way more than we realize. I’m not saying this is the case for you, or discounting previous posts. Just that I’ve known a lot of divorced parents and noticed how their dynamics are often passed on to their children. :(

Good luck, and I hope it gets better.

[THUMPER20X]

Send him to his moms and infrom her that he doesnt come back until he smartens up. Hes old enough that if he doesnt wanna be there,,,, stay away.

[MrGood]

Well I myself was one of the most disrespectful pain in the asses you could have met when i was like 13 - 15.. BTW taking stuff away or trying to be firm in disciple just pissed me off more (pretty sure thats how it always is).. And then, one day i realized what an immature disrespectful jackass i was being and things changed.. I realized that my parents weren't trying to make my life miserable, and apologized.. Started treating people and their things with respect.. Stopped fighting with my teachers.. And actually started trying to be a decent person..

But honestly if my best friend hadn't pushed me so hard i don't know how long it would have taken to change.. I'm 17 now and like to think of myself as a decent kid(now)..

I wish you the best of luck with your son.. One day things will change.. He'll realize he was in the wrong and apologize and change it.. I just hope it comes sooner than later..

[Croatcamaro2010]

there are many ways to skin a cat, but lets talk about options here, the main goal is to get him to respect you, which i think wont work for a few years, sorry but the truth hurts, so does this mean you will have to sit and take it all? nah i wouldnt. my family comes from eastern europe where their word is law and your word means nothing, there wasnt an asking twice, there wasnt a time out, only a time to take your pants off and cry alot after, but with these silly modern laws you can still strike him, just open hand, but you may not be that kinda guy, so the next best thing is play mind games with him, embarass him in public, or say you own a karate school and say hes your only student and the beatings are part of training...but really if i were you id find an older person who he looks up too, a friend neighbor uncle or something, let them know whats going on and let them talk to him, have them just explain whats going on, im sure the divorce isnt helping out but thats life, if that doesnt work find a punishment that fits your personality and just go from there

[scythezo6]

My dad was old school. Military man. So he raised me to be respectful (yes sir, yes ma'am) would let the belt do the talking if I messed up bad enough. I remember some days I would get in trouble at school and would have to dread the long walk back home. He would tear me a new one and that left me scared of doing wrong. Lord help me if I ever cursed at my dad... Calling CPS never crossed my mind back then even though I knew of it.

He also had me doing a lot of choires on the weekends at home so I was never lying around bored or letting my teenage hormones fester.

Im no child psychologist, nor even a parent so I have no idea how to handle a situation like that. But from my experience, friends of mine with terror kids usually dont spank. My brother's kids are getting bad too, 3 girls. And this is because he spoils them and lets them get away with a lot.

[Abygale]

Wrek, a couple of things come to mind, of course a lot depends on the mother and the type of relationship the two of you have. If she is a decent person, then get on the same page with consequences for your son's inappropriate behavior. He loses priveleges at BOTH homes until he starts showing some respect....cell phone, laptop, television, time with friends, allowances....whatever means something to him....take it away.

Too many times parents think they are helpless, when actually you have a great deal of control. The only things you really owe your children is a meal (doesn't have to be something they like) and a roof over their head. The rest is all extra stuff that you don't have to provide them. You don't have to supply any of the things that entertain them, you don't have to take them out to dinner or run them anywhere.

It sounds like the kid needs to learn that, and also who is in charge.

Also, you may have a harder time if this was a contentious divorce situation. If his mother puts you down verbally and your son hears it. It's not impossible, and probably all the more reason for you to assert your authority over him. Kids really do need boundaries, and will respect parents that set them and are consistent.

Good luck!

[rowerybo]

As much as I hate to admit it, I had an attitude at a younger point in my life. It didn't take long for dad t o straighten me out. One day outside he beat my A** and a neighbor called DCS. When they showed up they asked what happened. It is completely legal to beat your child on the butt with an open hand. DCS said nothing illegal was done.

[Iroczlover]

ok do this & see how things work out.

Join a martial arts center & train for a couple months & then allow him to join & then have fun kicking his ass in the class.

[Taniel]

I think the best thing is for you and his mother to tackle the problem together. Even if you aren't on speaking terms, you should be able to reason with her. Sit him down and lay down some reasonable ground rules along with your ex; tell him that if he earns your trust you'll give him more freedom as time passes. Make it clear that if he breaks your trust he'll never get it back.

If he decides not to listen, take away his privileges - don't take him out, don't give him money, don't even give him rides to friends' houses. Like Abygale said, the only responsibilities you have are giving him food and shelter. Anything else is extra.

[GSX]

Originally Posted by Scrapppy666

what does that have to do with anything???

is that where Falcon Punch came from?

Family is a big value in Asian cultures, (where tradition dictates elders to be respected). My parents (immigrants) were very strict with these values, and always taught me and my older siblings (1st generation of Asian American) that elders are to be respected no matter what. The punishments for braking these traditions were very harsh (spankings, loss of privileges, etc), of course this is more moderate than what my parents got when they were younger. I do not regret how I was raised, and I will probably get around of doing the same someday.

Falcon punch on the other hand, never got that punishment (and glad that I did not get that one).

[The_Blur]

As much as you're going to hate me for saying this, giving him one break from the norm will shake the attitude out of him. Start the day normally one weekend, but get into a situation doing his thing later that day. Participate with him. If he's on the XBox playing Halo, ask if you can try it. Let him show you how he plays and just have fun with your terribly statistics. Don't get too intense on him or try to have a talk about how you want the best for him. He doesn't need to hear it because it might not mean anything to him yet. Showing him that you want to be part of what he does might give him a chance to build a relationship with you.

Kids have an attitude because they see adults as disciplinarians. Today is not 30 years ago. We don't spend time at home working on the car. We spend time at home brooding over the work our bosses emailed us after we got home. All that bonding time you had with your dad working on the Chevelle is long gone. You don't do that with your kid, so you need to create the same experiences that they'll enjoy.

For perspective, when you come home from work, your teenager has gotten off of a stressful day of school. In fact, that day at school may have been more stressful than your day at work with the social pressures of daily life, material that isn't taught that well at school, and extra work when they get home. After 6 hours of school, they either spend another 2 or more hours of abuse at the will of an insatiable coach with the expectation that they'll put themselves through more abuse on their 2 days off. Now that they've spent over 8 hours of their day in a socially and mentally stressful environment with the prospect of physical weariness if they participate in a sport, they come home and just want to kick back just like you, but you want them to clean their room or wash the car or get a job.

There's the trigger. You're coming home from working 8 hours, and you're telling your kid who just went to a place that they'd rather not for 8 hours and you want them to do something else. A lot of kids say that you don't understand them because you really don't. They work as hard as you every day, but they don't get paid and only benefit in the future while you benefit biweekly in the form of a corporate check. You, therefore, are the last straw of their already crappy day. When they're 30 and out of college, they'll thank you for giving them the discipline to succeed at their jobs and lives, making them fulfilled individuals potentially with families of their own.

Until then, you need to walk a fine line, like your parents did. You need to tell them what to do so that they are compelled to go above and beyond expectations for the rest of their lives. You also need to motivate them to listen to you. Besides the need to tell them what to do, you have to give them some reason to listen to you besides shelter and food. Participate in their lives. Remember that they are unique individuals, just like all of us here on Camaro5. Many of us are adults who have the perspective that our parents wish we had at the age of your children. Because they are unique individuals, they have different goals and wants than you, so you need to give them a chance to explore those wants. You might want their room to be clean, so make sure that they make their room clean. That's them working for you. In exchange, work a little for them by participating in their desires, whether that is to be the best damned video game player in the world, to write lyrics for the neighborhood rock band, or to represent a country in the model UN club. What little you do to participate will make your relationship stronger, and they will show you the same courtesy and respect that they show their friends while still obeying you like you deserve as their parent.







EDIT: Feel free to consider this post after reading the above post. While the topic is somewhat different, they are mildly related issues of stresses affecting youth.