senior humor

nitrosteve · 03-05-2014, 11:02 AM

Hints on how to liven up your idle hours...

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars...watch 'em Slow Down!

2. On all your cheque stubs, write ' For Marijuana'!

3. Skip down the street Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

4. Order a Diet Water ( of course with complimentary lemon) whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

5. Sing Along At The Opera.

6. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

7. When Leaving the Zoo, start Running towards the Car Park, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

8. Tell Your Children over dinner: 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go...

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity:

9. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

Spartan01 · 03-05-2014, 11:23 AM

I always write "For Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll" in the comments section when cashing a check.

If I am paying someone by check I like to vary between "For Midget Porn," "Illegal Surviellance," or "Used Sex toys."

2012-1822 · 03-05-2014, 01:13 PM

Greatest thing about increasing age, the older you get, the easier it is to get away with farting in public.

Ok, maybe it's a curve, because it's cool when you're two years old also.

dianeokie · 03-05-2014, 01:18 PM

Hilarious!

hrpiii · 03-05-2014, 01:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spartan01

I always write "For Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll" in the comments section when cashing a check.

If I am paying someone by check I like to vay between "For Midget Porn," "Illegal Surviellance," or "Used Sex toys."

My new hero, I love you man!

Spartan01 · 03-05-2014, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hrpiii

My new hero, I love you man!

hey thanks man

JoeP@TeamBeckyD · 03-05-2014, 02:10 PM

...

I never get over...
all the Great Stuff on this forum...

...........I have to write some checks tonight....

PHXLT1 · 03-05-2014, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2012-1822

Greatest thing about increasing age, the older you get, the easier it is to get away with farting in public.

Ok, maybe it's a curve, because it's cool when you're two years old also.

Actually when you get older you really can't help it.

skipinminn · 03-05-2014, 06:43 PM

Checks? what are Checks? I haven't used a check in 2 years ?????

cornerspeed92 · 03-05-2014, 09:50 PM

So i only get to see my kids a couple times a year.I got to see them last week,my daughter did girly stuff with granny,and i took the boy to Mammoth for some manly skiing.I am an intense skier,by that i mean i attack the slopes,i am an expert,and was beat. I haven't skied since last year. After a full day of skiing and we were back at the hotel.We unloaded and i started my first steps up the stairs,and after about the 4th step,oohhh came out of my mouth,the hamstrings were singing. I had my SS shirt on,and the boy lets out, so, SS stands for Super Senior,it was so funny.Im only 54,but still.The best was when we were done on the second day,the boy says,you've still got it "ol man" The boy is 28 and couldn't keep up with me.

dianeokie · 03-05-2014, 11:32 PM

So we need some of you in the Old Farts Thread to liven things up a bit

skipinminn · 03-05-2014, 11:34 PM

I could POST nakid Picture Thats FUNNY LOL U U <<, my boobs U << my chin <<< we won't do any more LOL

Spartan01 · 03-07-2014, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by skipinminn

Checks? what are Checks? I haven't used a check in 2 years ?????

That's the only downside, checks are becoming obsolete..

Blue-J · 03-07-2014, 10:24 AM

Elderly people have so much information in their brain that it takes longer for them to access it.
Older people do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because
they have more information in their brains, scientists believe.
Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full up, so to do humans take longer to
access information, it has been suggested.
Researchers say this slowing down it is not the same as cognitive decline like Senator Reid.
“The human brain works slower in old age,” said Dr. Michael Ramscar, “but only because we
have stored more information over time
“The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.”

SO THERE!! We Are (will continue to be) BRILLIANT.

03-05-2014, 11:02 AM	#1
nitrosteve Drives: 2013 Hot Wheels Edition V-8 auto Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chino Hills, Ca. Posts: 73	senior humor Hints on how to liven up your idle hours... To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars...watch 'em Slow Down! 2. On all your cheque stubs, write ' For Marijuana'! 3. Skip down the street Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 4. Order a Diet Water ( of course with complimentary lemon) whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 5. Sing Along At The Opera. 6. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 7. When Leaving the Zoo, start Running towards the Car Park, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 8. Tell Your Children over dinner: 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go... And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: 9. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

03-05-2014, 11:23 AM	#2
Spartan01 Drives: Evil Eva, 2010 2SS LS3 Join Date: Aug 2013 Location: Falls Church, Virginia Posts: 3,600	I always write "For Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll" in the comments section when cashing a check. If I am paying someone by check I like to vary between "For Midget Porn," "Illegal Surviellance," or "Used Sex toys." __________________ "You simply cannot trust quotes found on the internet." -Abraham Lincoln Last edited by Spartan01; 03-07-2014 at 08:20 AM.

03-05-2014, 01:13 PM	#3
2012-1822 Drives: Black ZL1 Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: City of Champions, Alabama Posts: 3,697	Greatest thing about increasing age, the older you get, the easier it is to get away with farting in public. Ok, maybe it's a curve, because it's cool when you're two years old also. __________________ Check out Alabama Camaros, for Camaro enthusiasts all around Alabama https://www.facebook.com/groups/1739...group_activity

03-05-2014, 01:18 PM	#4
dianeokie Going places Drives: 2011 2LT/RS Victory Red Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 4,897 View My Garage	Hilarious! __________________ "just stay with traffic, you'll be fine". = famous last words

03-05-2014, 09:50 PM	#10
cornerspeed92 Drives: 2013 1SS 1LE Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Colorado Posts: 4,188 View My Garage	So i only get to see my kids a couple times a year.I got to see them last week,my daughter did girly stuff with granny,and i took the boy to Mammoth for some manly skiing.I am an intense skier,by that i mean i attack the slopes,i am an expert,and was beat. I haven't skied since last year. After a full day of skiing and we were back at the hotel.We unloaded and i started my first steps up the stairs,and after about the 4th step,oohhh came out of my mouth,the hamstrings were singing. I had my SS shirt on,and the boy lets out, so, SS stands for Super Senior,it was so funny.Im only 54,but still.The best was when we were done on the second day,the boy says,you've still got it "ol man" The boy is 28 and couldn't keep up with me. __________________

03-05-2014, 02:10 PM	#7
JoeP@TeamBeckyD 1 Drives: SS,PaceCar,ZL1,1LE,C7Z51,Z06,17-ZL1 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Detroit, Mich Posts: 68,623	... I never get over... all the Great Stuff on this forum... ...........I have to write some checks tonight....

03-05-2014, 06:43 PM	#9
skipinminn Chiquita Drives: 2013 1LE/1SS YELLO1LE 1 of Only 28 Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Mpls. Mn./Hudson,Wi. Posts: 4,740 View My Garage	Checks? what are Checks? I haven't used a check in 2 years ?????

03-05-2014, 11:32 PM	#11
dianeokie Going places Drives: 2011 2LT/RS Victory Red Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Atlanta, GA Posts: 4,897 View My Garage	So we need some of you in the Old Farts Thread to liven things up a bit __________________ "just stay with traffic, you'll be fine". = famous last words

03-05-2014, 11:34 PM	#12
skipinminn Chiquita Drives: 2013 1LE/1SS YELLO1LE 1 of Only 28 Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Mpls. Mn./Hudson,Wi. Posts: 4,740 View My Garage	I could POST nakid Picture Thats FUNNY LOL U U <<, my boobs U << my chin <<< we won't do any more LOL

03-07-2014, 10:24 AM	#14
Blue-J Drives: 2013 2LT HWSE Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Eden Prairie MN Posts: 566	Elderly people. Elderly people have so much information in their brain that it takes longer for them to access it. Older people do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full up, so to do humans take longer to access information, it has been suggested. Researchers say this slowing down it is not the same as cognitive decline like Senator Reid. “The human brain works slower in old age,” said Dr. Michael Ramscar, “but only because we have stored more information over time “The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.” SO THERE!! We Are (will continue to be) BRILLIANT. __________________