URGENT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

Matrix · 03-30-2009, 01:29 PM

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown
in the economy, Management has decided to implement a
scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early
retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged
People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be
considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced
Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early
Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED
as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings
for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive
as much SH!T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SH!T
it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive
enough SH!T, please bring this to the attention of your
Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SH!T
you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Management

PQ · 03-30-2009, 01:35 PM

cyberbro · 03-30-2009, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matrix

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown
in the economy, Management has decided to implement a
scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early
retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged
People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be
considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced
Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early
Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED
as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings
for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive
as much SH!T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SH!T
it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive
enough SH!T, please bring this to the attention of your
Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SH!T
you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Management

We must work for the same place.

Zhawk · 03-30-2009, 02:34 PM

Heck, that's been a DOD policy for years.

marcgo2 · 03-30-2009, 10:27 PM

I've been RAPED and SHAFTED. I'm still waiting to hear back if I qualify for AIDS and HERPES.

03-30-2009, 01:29 PM	#1
Matrix Drives: '10 Camaro 2SS/RS & Magnum R/T Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,520	URGENT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES Dear Employees, Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SH!T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SH!T it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SH!T, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SH!T you can handle. Sincerely, The Management __________________ SIM Camaro 2010 V8-2SS/RS-A6!!+

03-30-2009, 01:35 PM	#2
PQ Booooosted. Drives: 2010 Supercharged SS Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Mobile, AL Posts: 36,717 View My Garage	__________________

03-30-2009, 02:34 PM	#4
Zhawk Iroc's Love Slave Drives: 3 Camaros, 1 Vette, a Buick, & a 57 Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Lost Posts: 311 View My Garage	Heck, that's been a DOD policy for years. __________________ Camaros:87 IROC-z, 95 Z/28, 2010 RS/SS Corvettes: 90 Vert Has anyone seen my sanity? I am hiding from it and don't want it sneaking up on me!

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03-30-2009, 10:27 PM	#5
marcgo2 Drives: '16 Camaro 2SS Hyper Blue Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: IL Posts: 339	I've been RAPED and SHAFTED. I'm still waiting to hear back if I qualify for AIDS and HERPES.