Alanis Morissette

Justin · 01-28-2009, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cracked.com

A few years before introducing herself to the USA with Jagged Little Pill and its disturbing references to publicly deep-throating the fat guy from Full House, she was responsible for two beyond-awful bubblegum-pop albums that teams of men in black suits have since erased from the memories of all those unfortunate enough to have purchased them.

Became famous because...

Alanis appeared on most fans' radar thanks to the testicle-shriveling payback rant "You Oughta Know." Jagged Little Pill sold enough copies to allow her to consider retiring without ever having to set foot in a recording studio again (a career path that the three people who bought her last album, So-Called Chaos, would suggest probably should have been followed).

Became famous despite...

While it's unrealistic to expect material written and recorded by a 16-year-old former child television star to contain profound and articulate ruminations about the human condition, inflicting the following lyrics upon an unsuspecting record-buying public must surely be considered some sort of grossly irresponsible human rights violation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alanis

My name is Alanis, I'm a white chick singer
The drums are a-smokin' and so's the bass
Shake your thing (chika chika chika, cha)
When you sing (chika chika chika, ooh yeah)
Just sixteen (chika chika chika, cha)
No disco queen (chika chika chika, oh yeah)

That's from "Oh Yeah," from the album Alanis released in Canada in 1992. If that wasn't frightening enough on its own, try and imagine it being sung to an electronic backing track that sounds as though it's been pulled from an early '90s Commodore Amiga game. Then imagine it sung by Alanis Morissette doing a bad impersonation of Sean Connery. Now imagine it not so much sung, as rapped. If you're imagining it correctly, you should now have a thin trickle of blood running out of each ear.
A year after inflicting this upon the Canadian public, Alanis returned with Now Is the Time, an album where Alanis proved she could branch out from terrible dance songs and could make terrible ballads as well. Here's a sampling of lyrics from the track "Big Bad Love":

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Bad Love

I'm having dreams in the night of you baby
And Sigmund Freud would have thought I was crazy
I wonder why you've become an obsession
All I know is that I need to have your big bad love

The Canadian public decided it wasn't funny any more, and refused to buy the album. Alanis, growing out of the "teen pop sensation" phase, reinvented herself. When Jagged Little Pill became a monster hit in 1995, her label actually got all copies of Alanis and Now Is the Time pulled from circulation. Who would think the music industry could do something so Orwellian?
Oh, wait. Everyone.

And, my roommate and I after reading this spent about an hour trying to find "Oh Yeah!" by Alanis, and were successful.

May I present: the worst song ever. http://hosted.justinsagurton.com/ohyeah.mp3

headpunter · 01-29-2009, 12:25 AM

i think that song proudly wears the crown of awfulness

jeffny09 · 01-29-2009, 12:27 AM

should die

zebra · 01-29-2009, 01:44 AM

shoot me now... please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i couldn't even finish that!

Matrix · 01-29-2009, 01:53 AM

Are u serious? Thats crazy. I'll admit I liked her when she came out wit her first album but that song /\ was crap!

EDIT: Just emptying my recycle bin right now!

Justin · 01-29-2009, 01:57 AM

I was CRYING of laughter when I read that, and even more so when I found the song.

It's pretty hard to imagine angry, man-hating Alanis singing... that.

*KILLER74Z28* · 01-29-2009, 08:59 AM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
My ears wont stop bleeding...

yotaman96 · 01-29-2009, 11:27 AM

She does sound like Sean Connery.

*DGthe3* · 01-29-2009, 11:39 PM

I can't imagine hearing that at full volume

"WOWOWOWOWOWW YEAHH!"

09'Z28 · 01-30-2009, 12:24 AM

didn't make it through 10 sec and even that was painful

01-29-2009, 12:25 AM	#2
headpunter Not That sad..considering Drives: Man Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: the part of washington the capital forgot about. Posts: 3,745 View My Garage	i think that song proudly wears the crown of awfulness __________________ Stop Whinging

01-29-2009, 12:27 AM	#3
jeffny09 Drives: 2010 camaro Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: new york Posts: 5,618	should die __________________ top 10 reason why real men drive stick. 10. A manual transmission is the ultimate in control 9. You can use automotive jargon and not sound like a total tool 8. You can't spell "manual" without "man" 7. Manual transmissions prove you can do more than one thing at a time 6. You can't drift in an auto 5. You can't pull fancy moves in an automatic 4. You get better fuel economy with a stick 3. You’ll never look like a chump if you can drive stick 2. Manual transmission cars are faster 1. Women like a guy who is good with his hands.

01-29-2009, 01:44 AM	#4
zebra just can't seem to leave Drives: your mom wild!! Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: cold & windy Posts: 10,625 View My Garage	shoot me now... please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn't even finish that! __________________ Eve ('00 FRC): hot-air intake Rowan ('09 H3): 5spd mom-mobile Penny ('99 Sierra): 5.3 / HD 5spd... gone but not forgotten Samson ('18 HD): compounded 408

01-29-2009, 01:53 AM	#5
Matrix Drives: '10 Camaro 2SS/RS & Magnum R/T Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,520	Are u serious? Thats crazy. I'll admit I liked her when she came out wit her first album but that song /\ was crap! EDIT: Just emptying my recycle bin right now! __________________ SIM Camaro 2010 V8-2SS/RS-A6!!+

01-29-2009, 08:59 AM	#7
KILLER74Z28 MOD SQUAD Drives: 2G1FT1EW9A9100666 Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: West Michigan Posts: 5,768 View My Garage	AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH My ears wont stop bleeding... __________________ Who cares about the Blue Oval crowd and their little Ponys? We're getting our Camaro back-and it'll be Supercharged!-MDAII Team LS3

01-29-2009, 01:57 AM	#6
Justin Camaro5's Cell Phone Geek Drives: '02 V6 Camaro. 5 speed manual. Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 406	I was CRYING of laughter when I read that, and even more so when I found the song. It's pretty hard to imagine angry, man-hating Alanis singing... that.

01-29-2009, 11:27 AM	#8
yotaman96 Drives: 2017 Camaro SS1LE 2000 Trans Am WS6 Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Portland, TN Posts: 2,952 View My Garage	She does sound like Sean Connery. __________________ 2017 Krypton Green SS 1LE Magnacharged 2000 Trans Am WS6 manual trans 2002 Trans Am 2015 Ram Crew Cab Cummins

01-29-2009, 11:39 PM	#9
DGthe3 Moderator.ca Drives: 05 Grand Am GT Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Niagara, Canada Posts: 25,366	I can't imagine hearing that at full volume "WOWOWOWOWOWW YEAHH!" __________________ Note, if I've gotten any facts wrong in the above, just ignore any points I made with them __________________ Originally Posted by FbodFather My sister's dentist's brother's cousin's housekeeper's dog-breeder's nephew sells coffee filters to the company that provides coffee to General Motors...... ........and HE WOULD KNOW!!!! __________________ Camaro Fest sub-forum

01-30-2009, 12:24 AM	#10
09'Z28 The "Mad Hamster" Drives: '71 Camaro, '90 mx5, '71 2002 Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Placerville, CA Posts: 1,610 View My Garage	didn't make it through 10 sec and even that was painful __________________