what would you do?

Iroczlover · 11-05-2010, 12:21 AM

you get an email from your sister in law that is ment for your husband.
your husband has some health problems, so taking the child is almost impossible. but the car may be do able

Happy Birthday, Little Brother. I know that it has been a long time since I wrote or spoke with you but I just found your email address and thought I would dash off a quick note to you. I'm sorry that we have not communicated in so long. All I can say is that the past two years have been hell. Sad smile Between court and CPS and Red's and my health problems, I have trouble remembering to take my meds in the morning and evening, much less remembering to contact family and friends. Embarrased smile

I don't know if anyone has told you, but we had Robbie taken away from us by CPS two years ago. Since then we have been court-ordered to attend all kinds of classes and do all sorts of things. The problem is that we have not had a reliable car in most of that time, so it has be difficult (if not downright impossible) to do what they are requiring. As a result, it looks like we are not going to get him back. Even worse, they have petitioned to terminate our parental rights. We go to court over that in December. We have asked Edith to apply to adopt him, but that means that EVERYONE that lives on their property has to pass a full background check, including Mom. Now, please understand that this is hard for me to do, Dan, but I wanted to ask a MAJOR favor of you. If they do not pass the requirements, would you and Tammy be willing to step forward and adopt Robbie. I wouldn't ask this of you, but I don't want to lose my son forever. At least if you took him in, he would be in the family and would receive the care and support he so desperately needs. Before you answer, I need to tell you that he has a condition called Asperger's Syndrome, which is similar to autism but not as severe. It means that he has trouble socializing with others, particularly other kids, in that he prefers to either play alone or to direct the play completely. It also means that he will sometimes become so focused on what he is doing that he sometimes lets his imagination impinge upon real life. He needs constant redirection when this happens and lots of support and structure. I know that this is asking a lot, but Robbie is the most important thing in our lives. He gives us meaning and purpose and a unique way of looking at the world. Please at least think about this and let me know one way or the other. Thank you so much.

There is a history of problems, between your husband & your sister in law. & MAJOR problems with the brother in law also involved in this.
What would you do? Help out? we do have a vehicle we can GIFT them.

Sir Nuke · 11-05-2010, 02:09 AM

well, how close is your family? since the letter starts off that the sister hasn't talked to her brother in about 2 yrs, I would say not very close. So this would be tough one to answer.....in my family.....we would do every thing we could to help.

Dreamer2430 · 11-05-2010, 02:44 AM

I would say that gifting the car is enough. Based on the relationship between your husband and his sister and brother in-law and your husband's health issues the car is as far as I would go. Adopting a child with special needs is very challenging as well. . . wow, I don't want this to sound bad, but I'm glad I'm not you.

Entaille · 11-05-2010, 03:03 AM

wow. that is rough. I would not be willing to take on that kind of responsibility. that is actually really selfish of them to ask this of you.. it is a drastic life changing thing, and would require total self sacrifice.

maybe if you all were really close and you offered this sort of solution, it would be okay, but for one.. I am a bit offended they asked this of you. it's one of those situations you don't really want to say no to, but damn .. : P

just my personal opinion, you are in a very difficult position

Big Brunsy · 11-05-2010, 03:43 AM

I'm going to base what I say on the fact that there has been no communication with them for a very long time, and the fact that ur husband doesn't get along with ur brother-in-law.....

1. There are alot of GREAT foster parents out there; don't feel obligated to take the child. The state will not put a child in a home unless they know they will be taken care of.

2. From everything I've seen, if parents get their kids taken away from them in the first place (if for a legit reason and not some bull crap lies from other people) then they really aren't cut out to be parents in the first place. It actually takes quite a bit for the state to step in and take a child away from their parents. You could give them the car if you want, but it won't help them in getting their child back. If the state is considering terminating their rights then it's pretty much a guarantee that even if they would somehow make it to the classes it won't chage anything. If you have a car sitting around that you don't need and is paid for, and your feeling generous then give it to them. If, however, you can't realistically afford to give them the car, then I'd say don't.

WadeWilson · 11-05-2010, 09:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Brunsy

I'm going to base what I say on the fact that there has been no communication with them for a very long time, and the fact that ur husband doesn't get along with ur brother-in-law.....

1. There are alot of GREAT foster parents out there; don't feel obligated to take the child. The state will not put a child in a home unless they know they will be taken care of.

2. From everything I've seen, if parents get their kids taken away from them in the first place (if for a legit reason and not some bull crap lies from other people) then they really aren't cut out to be parents in the first place. It actually takes quite a bit for the state to step in and take a child away from their parents. You could give them the car if you want, but it won't help them in getting their child back. If the state is considering terminating their rights then it's pretty much a guarantee that even if they would somehow make it to the classes it won't chage anything. If you have a car sitting around that you don't need and is paid for, and your feeling generous then give it to them. If, however, you can't realistically afford to give them the car, then I'd say don't.

This pretty much sums it up.

It would be different if they were closer and everyone actually got along. To me she's desperate and grasping for straws and sees your husband as her last go to. I would think long and hard before agreeing to adopt.

toesuf94 · 11-05-2010, 09:45 AM

If someone only spoke with me once in two years, and had a laundry list like that to hang out...I certainly would stay the hell off the diving board to keep from jumping in to that pool. Especially with the existing issues between everyone involved.

RUN. AWAY. This will destroy your marriage, your home, your finances...everything. These two have proven that they cannot take care of themselves or their child, and have done something that has the state ready to completely remove them from the picture. Do you really want your brother in law or sister in law demanding THEIR kid at your front door at 2 AM in a stoned/drunken/violent rage because they feel it is THEIR right?

And as a parent of an Asperger's child, they are the most creative kids out there. It is when they are abused or ridiculed that they become so inwardly focused. Something has this kid running to a safe place. These parents have done something bad to the child.

y2k king · 11-05-2010, 10:21 AM

they haven't worried about contacting you for years and now want you to make a major sacrifice for them?

i think i'd wait a couple years before i'd send them a reply to that letter.

Moriartii · 11-05-2010, 11:16 AM

Being a third party looking in I have to say this, if it were my kid and I had to attend court mandated classes I would make damn sure I attended them. Reliable car or not, there is the bus, a cab, friends, bikes, bicycles, walking, I would get where I needed to be to get my kid back. That being said it sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me.

My recommendation would be to gift the vehicle and be satisfied knowing you have done a good thing and potentially more than the parents have.

Cheers
K

motorhead · 11-05-2010, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Big Brunsy

I'm going to base what I say on the fact that there has been no communication with them for a very long time, and the fact that ur husband doesn't get along with ur brother-in-law.....

1. There are alot of GREAT foster parents out there; don't feel obligated to take the child. The state will not put a child in a home unless they know they will be taken care of.

2. From everything I've seen, if parents get their kids taken away from them in the first place (if for a legit reason and not some bull crap lies from other people) then they really aren't cut out to be parents in the first place. It actually takes quite a bit for the state to step in and take a child away from their parents. You could give them the car if you want, but it won't help them in getting their child back. If the state is considering terminating their rights then it's pretty much a guarantee that even if they would somehow make it to the classes it won't chage anything. If you have a car sitting around that you don't need and is paid for, and your feeling generous then give it to them. If, however, you can't realistically afford to give them the car, then I'd say don't.

very tough situation but I agree with this.

Iroczlover · 11-05-2010, 05:21 PM

They know they will never get Their son back, but The help of the car is I think the way we are going to go, It just means my husband gets a newer daily driver. lol.

11-05-2010, 12:21 AM	#1
Iroczlover The Krazzy bytch Drives: Which car I have 9 vehicles? Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Yelm, wa, Hell if I think about it to much Posts: 7,918	what would you do? you get an email from your sister in law that is ment for your husband. your husband has some health problems, so taking the child is almost impossible. but the car may be do able Happy Birthday, Little Brother. I know that it has been a long time since I wrote or spoke with you but I just found your email address and thought I would dash off a quick note to you. I'm sorry that we have not communicated in so long. All I can say is that the past two years have been hell. Sad smile Between court and CPS and Red's and my health problems, I have trouble remembering to take my meds in the morning and evening, much less remembering to contact family and friends. Embarrased smile I don't know if anyone has told you, but we had Robbie taken away from us by CPS two years ago. Since then we have been court-ordered to attend all kinds of classes and do all sorts of things. The problem is that we have not had a reliable car in most of that time, so it has be difficult (if not downright impossible) to do what they are requiring. As a result, it looks like we are not going to get him back. Even worse, they have petitioned to terminate our parental rights. We go to court over that in December. We have asked Edith to apply to adopt him, but that means that EVERYONE that lives on their property has to pass a full background check, including Mom. Now, please understand that this is hard for me to do, Dan, but I wanted to ask a MAJOR favor of you. If they do not pass the requirements, would you and Tammy be willing to step forward and adopt Robbie. I wouldn't ask this of you, but I don't want to lose my son forever. At least if you took him in, he would be in the family and would receive the care and support he so desperately needs. Before you answer, I need to tell you that he has a condition called Asperger's Syndrome, which is similar to autism but not as severe. It means that he has trouble socializing with others, particularly other kids, in that he prefers to either play alone or to direct the play completely. It also means that he will sometimes become so focused on what he is doing that he sometimes lets his imagination impinge upon real life. He needs constant redirection when this happens and lots of support and structure. I know that this is asking a lot, but Robbie is the most important thing in our lives. He gives us meaning and purpose and a unique way of looking at the world. Please at least think about this and let me know one way or the other. Thank you so much. There is a history of problems, between your husband & your sister in law. & MAJOR problems with the brother in law also involved in this. What would you do? Help out? we do have a vehicle we can GIFT them. __________________ Heart breaks everyday when you cant take care of your family because you are unemployed, cant give your family what you want or what they need I am not a man I have boobies. Cars are like women, If you treat her rough shes going to complain & you will hear about it. If you treat her right she will purrrrrrrrrrrrr Current cars owned , 72 Skylark vert,86 fiero GT Sold , 87 Iroc-z (sold), 90 Vette Vert SOLD , 95 Z28, 99 Silverado K1500 Totaled, 2010 CGM Camaro 2ss/rs (had to sell & I hate it ) ,2012 Cruze LT repoed. Current current list lol 2006 Silverado 2500hd.

11-05-2010, 02:09 AM	#2
Sir Nuke Master of All Things Drives: '26 Corvette Stingray Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Southeast of Houston, Texas Posts: 22,681 View My Garage	well, how close is your family? since the letter starts off that the sister hasn't talked to her brother in about 2 yrs, I would say not very close. So this would be tough one to answer.....in my family.....we would do every thing we could to help. __________________

11-05-2010, 02:44 AM	#3
Dreamer2430 I need to win the Lotto Drives: 2010 IBM 1SS LS3 Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Ely, NV Posts: 146	I would say that gifting the car is enough. Based on the relationship between your husband and his sister and brother in-law and your husband's health issues the car is as far as I would go. Adopting a child with special needs is very challenging as well. . . wow, I don't want this to sound bad, but I'm glad I'm not you. __________________ "Drive it like you stole it!"

11-05-2010, 03:03 AM	#4
Entaille Drives: 2018 Camaro 2SS Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Lake Stevens Posts: 1,005	wow. that is rough. I would not be willing to take on that kind of responsibility. that is actually really selfish of them to ask this of you.. it is a drastic life changing thing, and would require total self sacrifice. maybe if you all were really close and you offered this sort of solution, it would be okay, but for one.. I am a bit offended they asked this of you. it's one of those situations you don't really want to say no to, but damn .. : P just my personal opinion, you are in a very difficult position __________________

11-05-2010, 09:45 AM	#7
toesuf94 Drives: THR #11 E-force supercharged Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Cedar Rapids, IA Posts: 4,746	If someone only spoke with me once in two years, and had a laundry list like that to hang out...I certainly would stay the hell off the diving board to keep from jumping in to that pool. Especially with the existing issues between everyone involved. RUN. AWAY. This will destroy your marriage, your home, your finances...everything. These two have proven that they cannot take care of themselves or their child, and have done something that has the state ready to completely remove them from the picture. Do you really want your brother in law or sister in law demanding THEIR kid at your front door at 2 AM in a stoned/drunken/violent rage because they feel it is THEIR right? And as a parent of an Asperger's child, they are the most creative kids out there. It is when they are abused or ridiculed that they become so inwardly focused. Something has this kid running to a safe place. These parents have done something bad to the child. __________________ Cars and women are both going to give you problems...but you can pay somebody else to fix your car!

11-05-2010, 03:43 AM	#5
Big Brunsy Drives: 2010 supercharged LS3 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Le Mars, Iowa Posts: 2,235 View My Garage	I'm going to base what I say on the fact that there has been no communication with them for a very long time, and the fact that ur husband doesn't get along with ur brother-in-law..... 1. There are alot of GREAT foster parents out there; don't feel obligated to take the child. The state will not put a child in a home unless they know they will be taken care of. 2. From everything I've seen, if parents get their kids taken away from them in the first place (if for a legit reason and not some bull crap lies from other people) then they really aren't cut out to be parents in the first place. It actually takes quite a bit for the state to step in and take a child away from their parents. You could give them the car if you want, but it won't help them in getting their child back. If the state is considering terminating their rights then it's pretty much a guarantee that even if they would somehow make it to the classes it won't chage anything. If you have a car sitting around that you don't need and is paid for, and your feeling generous then give it to them. If, however, you can't realistically afford to give them the car, then I'd say don't.

11-05-2010, 10:21 AM	#8
y2k king Drives: 2011 ss camaro Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: spring hill, fl Posts: 1,705	they haven't worried about contacting you for years and now want you to make a major sacrifice for them? i think i'd wait a couple years before i'd send them a reply to that letter. __________________ 10/28/2010 got it

11-05-2010, 11:16 AM	#9
Moriartii Drives: 11 IOM 2SS/RS M6 w/Hurst Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Austin Texas Posts: 1,269	Being a third party looking in I have to say this, if it were my kid and I had to attend court mandated classes I would make damn sure I attended them. Reliable car or not, there is the bus, a cab, friends, bikes, bicycles, walking, I would get where I needed to be to get my kid back. That being said it sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me. My recommendation would be to gift the vehicle and be satisfied knowing you have done a good thing and potentially more than the parents have. Cheers K

11-05-2010, 05:21 PM	#11
Iroczlover The Krazzy bytch Drives: Which car I have 9 vehicles? Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Yelm, wa, Hell if I think about it to much Posts: 7,918	They know they will never get Their son back, but The help of the car is I think the way we are going to go, It just means my husband gets a newer daily driver. lol. __________________ Heart breaks everyday when you cant take care of your family because you are unemployed, cant give your family what you want or what they need I am not a man I have boobies. Cars are like women, If you treat her rough shes going to complain & you will hear about it. If you treat her right she will purrrrrrrrrrrrr Current cars owned , 72 Skylark vert,86 fiero GT Sold , 87 Iroc-z (sold), 90 Vette Vert SOLD , 95 Z28, 99 Silverado K1500 Totaled, 2010 CGM Camaro 2ss/rs (had to sell & I hate it ) ,2012 Cruze LT repoed. Current current list lol 2006 Silverado 2500hd.