alcoholics

angie7 · 03-05-2012, 02:36 PM

A very close friend of mine since childhood is an alcoholic. She drinks every single day. At least a 6 pk but usually a 12+. When we go out she drinks a lot and then drives :( she has 3 kids and gets drunk after they go to bed then passes out. We had a tornado hit our town last week and she slept thru the sirens and her phone ringing as we were trying to get ahold of her. All she does when she isnt working is sleep and drink beer. Im very worried about her as she is 31 and already having liver pains :( her kids safety is also worriesome.

I have tried to bring it up but Im met with "I dont drink that much and its nvr when my kids are up" which isnt true bc she drinks during the day on the weekends. She is depressed and has been for awhile now. She hasnt even dated anyone in 3 yrs and shes a pretty girl.

Can anyone offer advice?

steveo9043 · 03-05-2012, 02:43 PM

record her one night. Let her see what you see. Seeing things from the outside are different then how people see themselves on the inside.

GunnyG · 03-05-2012, 02:44 PM

I was a Substance Abuse Counseling Officer in the Marine Corps for three years. I'd deal with young Marines very bluntly. You've gotta do the same. No dancing around the issue, being all "friendly". Show her pics of alcohol damaged livers, DUI crash sites, then an orphanage. If she doesn't get the picture, start terminating the friendship. Tell her she won't be around much longer, and you've got to find new friends. Just my advice.

Dznts · 03-05-2012, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GunnyG

I was a Substance Abuse Counseling Officer in the Marine Corps for three years. I'd deal with young Marines very bluntly. You've gotta do the same. No dancing around the issue, being all "friendly". Show her pics of alcohol damaged livers, DUI crash sites, then an orphanage. If she doesn't get the picture, start terminating the friendship. Tell her she won't be around much longer, and you've got to find new friends. Just my advice.

i agree. you cant really beat around the bush on something like this. you have to be very blunt with her. if she isnt willing to change then you need to distance yourself from her. the really sad thing is the poor kids have to be a part of it.

OffseT · 03-05-2012, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steveo9043

record her one night. Let her see what you see. Seeing things from the outside are different then how people see themselves on the inside.

this

HookemHorns · 03-05-2012, 03:22 PM

@Angie, I'm sorry about this situation as it almost always never ends well. I disagree with terminating the friendship but YOU have to make the decision regarding how committed you are to that relationship.

Sadly enough but if she is not willing to help herself, there is not anything you can do for her other than just being there.

Russell James · 03-05-2012, 03:27 PM

I think you have to be blunt and straight forward. Try offering to be supportive through an AA program. Try to get her to her doc for a complete physical to see what actual medical problems are there. Pain can be anything. If she is depressed, try to get her to see a specialist for that or maybe her family doc is good at treating depression. Family doc should be made aware of the depression issue.

Most importantly, if you see her about to drink and drive again, do everything possible to stop it because she's going to kill innocent people. If she starts the car, call 911. Have her arrested. Tell 911 who she is, where she is going, where she lives.... Drunk drivers belong in hand cuffs period. Maybe a court ordered recovery program will be what it takes.

Good luck, hope there is a positive ending here. She is really lucky to have a friend that cares. I'd tell her that also. Straight forward, you are lucky to have your friends in your life. Don't make some changes, you are out of my life.

BowtieBelle · 03-05-2012, 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Russell James

I think you have to be blunt and straight forward. Try offering to be supportive through an AA program. Try to get her to her doc for a complete physical to see what actual medical problems are there. Pain can be anything. If she is depressed, try to get her to see a specialist for that or maybe her family doc is good at treating depression. Family doc should be made aware of the depression issue.

Most importantly, if you see her about to drink and drive again, do everything possible to stop it because she's going to kill innocent people. If she starts the car, call 911. Have her arrested. Tell 911 who she is, where she is going, where she lives.... Drunk drivers belong in hand cuffs period. Maybe a court ordered recovery program will be what it takes.

angie7 · 03-05-2012, 04:59 PM

Thank you for the advice. I have tried the direct approach and she gets extremely defensive and angry to which I back off. Ive told her stupid things shes done and she thinks its funny. Its really straining our relationship as I hate drunk drivers. My cousin was killed by one. She posted a pic last nite on fb showing 7 empty beer cans saying "bad day at work n Ive only been home for an hour" !!!!! I said "AA meeting needed" she replied saying it was a bad day. Latercshe posted a pic of 12 beers saying "very very bad day" I told her thats nothing to b proud of and her response again was "it was a bad day"

I cant walk away for the kids. They dont have anyone else and even call me their "aunt" :(

GunnyG · 03-05-2012, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by angie7

Thank you for the advice. I have tried the direct approach and she gets extremely defensive and angry to which I back off. Ive told her stupid things shes done and she thinks its funny. Its really straining our relationship as I hate drunk drivers. My cousin was killed by one. She posted a pic last nite on fb showing 7 empty beer cans saying "bad day at work n Ive only been home for an hour" !!!!! I said "AA meeting needed" she replied saying it was a bad day. Latercshe posted a pic of 12 beers saying "very very bad day" I told her thats nothing to b proud of and her response again was "it was a bad day"

I cant walk away for the kids. They dont have anyone else and even call me their "aunt" :(

Take this advice from a child of an alcoholic...you've got to distance yourself. You're the one spun up emotionally, not her. To her it's a big joke. Facebooking empty beer cans/bottles and what not. You get mad, she gets plastered. You could always stay in contact with the kids, even be a pallbearer at her funeral. Sorry if this is blunt, but she's taking you for granted and using the kids as a shield. I'm sure you love her, and she's a nice person when she's sober...

Here's her future fun time...kids and best friends are not immune!

Steve Dallas · 03-05-2012, 05:45 PM

GunnyG, you are absolutely correct in this.

Alcoholics will deny deny deny that they have a problem. I haven't spoken to my father for almost 10 years because I'm done with him, unless he quits drinking.

My girlfriend in high school was killed by a drunk driver.

Simply put, you need to give her an ultimatum. Go get help, or you need to get out of her life. If her alcholism is affecting how she treats or takes care of her children, it may be necessary to intervene and call Child Protective Services (if the kids are still young).

Simply put, you need to be blunt, and any attempt she makes to "laugh it off", you press back and tell her how it's not funny...it's sad.

Still, she may never take your advice, so you need to do what's best for the kids.

Taintedveins · 03-05-2012, 07:00 PM

Take all her beer and sign it with a # and the time she drank it. Show her the time interval between them. I have had a buddy quit drinking because we showed him how fast he drank a 30 pack (1 drink every 7 minutes or so) then we showed him how much he spent a week on beer, he cut back a lot after we showed him and eventually he quit.

molsonbrador · 03-05-2012, 07:26 PM

I feel for you. Lost some good friends to this disease. GunnyG may be blunt but has good advice. The 2 pics above, I've seen them up close and personal, just different models from different accidents.
You're hurting, your friend isn't. Good luck to your friend, and you.

NYJETSFAN · 03-05-2012, 07:41 PM

I think your a great friend and at least you're interested in finding out how to help a friend who is definitely in need. Unfortunately, I had a friend in a similar situation. I tried everything possible to help him and nothing appeared to work. So one night, I called the police on him as he was attempting to drive away from a bar. The cop arrested him and he was subsequently fired from his job (post office) after that being his 4th DWI. I felt horrible for years because he has 3 kids, but I felt obligated to do something before he killed himself or someone else. That ended a 10 year friendship, but I can only guess how many lives I saved by doing what I did. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

03-05-2012, 02:36 PM	#1
angie7 Smoked by a GIRL Drives: 2014 2SS/RS Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Southern Indiana Posts: 3,748 View My Garage	alcoholics A very close friend of mine since childhood is an alcoholic. She drinks every single day. At least a 6 pk but usually a 12+. When we go out she drinks a lot and then drives :( she has 3 kids and gets drunk after they go to bed then passes out. We had a tornado hit our town last week and she slept thru the sirens and her phone ringing as we were trying to get ahold of her. All she does when she isnt working is sleep and drink beer. Im very worried about her as she is 31 and already having liver pains :( her kids safety is also worriesome. I have tried to bring it up but Im met with "I dont drink that much and its nvr when my kids are up" which isnt true bc she drinks during the day on the weekends. She is depressed and has been for awhile now. She hasnt even dated anyone in 3 yrs and shes a pretty girl. Can anyone offer advice? __________________ 2014 2SS/RS Summit White w/ IOM interior "Powder 2.0"

03-05-2012, 02:44 PM	#3
GunnyG Da WHALE Drives: 2014 Stingray, 2015 Panamera 4 Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Oceanside, Ca - Originally from KCMO Posts: 8,867 View My Garage	I was a Substance Abuse Counseling Officer in the Marine Corps for three years. I'd deal with young Marines very bluntly. You've gotta do the same. No dancing around the issue, being all "friendly". Show her pics of alcohol damaged livers, DUI crash sites, then an orphanage. If she doesn't get the picture, start terminating the friendship. Tell her she won't be around much longer, and you've got to find new friends. Just my advice. __________________ Project MantaRay...Underway

03-05-2012, 04:59 PM	#9
angie7 Smoked by a GIRL Drives: 2014 2SS/RS Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Southern Indiana Posts: 3,748 View My Garage	Thank you for the advice. I have tried the direct approach and she gets extremely defensive and angry to which I back off. Ive told her stupid things shes done and she thinks its funny. Its really straining our relationship as I hate drunk drivers. My cousin was killed by one. She posted a pic last nite on fb showing 7 empty beer cans saying "bad day at work n Ive only been home for an hour" !!!!! I said "AA meeting needed" she replied saying it was a bad day. Latercshe posted a pic of 12 beers saying "very very bad day" I told her thats nothing to b proud of and her response again was "it was a bad day" I cant walk away for the kids. They dont have anyone else and even call me their "aunt" :( __________________ 2014 2SS/RS Summit White w/ IOM interior "Powder 2.0"

03-05-2012, 05:45 PM	#11
Steve Dallas Commits weekly crime Drives: 2017 Camaro 1LT Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Camano Island, WA Posts: 9,513 View My Garage	GunnyG, you are absolutely correct in this. Alcoholics will deny deny deny that they have a problem. I haven't spoken to my father for almost 10 years because I'm done with him, unless he quits drinking. My girlfriend in high school was killed by a drunk driver. Simply put, you need to give her an ultimatum. Go get help, or you need to get out of her life. If her alcholism is affecting how she treats or takes care of her children, it may be necessary to intervene and call Child Protective Services (if the kids are still young). Simply put, you need to be blunt, and any attempt she makes to "laugh it off", you press back and tell her how it's not funny...it's sad. Still, she may never take your advice, so you need to do what's best for the kids. __________________ 2017 Camaro 1LT - Blue Barchetta IV I fire up the willing engine, responding with a roar. Tires spitting gravel I commit my weekly crime.

03-05-2012, 07:00 PM	#12
Taintedveins Shark attack! Drives: 2011 Camaro LS Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 1,561 View My Garage	Take all her beer and sign it with a # and the time she drank it. Show her the time interval between them. I have had a buddy quit drinking because we showed him how fast he drank a 30 pack (1 drink every 7 minutes or so) then we showed him how much he spent a week on beer, he cut back a lot after we showed him and eventually he quit. __________________

03-05-2012, 02:43 PM	#2
steveo9043 Drives: 2012 45th AE 2SS Coupe Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Chicago IL Posts: 1,125	record her one night. Let her see what you see. Seeing things from the outside are different then how people see themselves on the inside.

03-05-2012, 03:22 PM	#6
HookemHorns Drives: 2023 Camaro ZL1 Red Hot Convertible Join Date: May 2011 Location: Arkansas Posts: 859	@Angie, I'm sorry about this situation as it almost always never ends well. I disagree with terminating the friendship but YOU have to make the decision regarding how committed you are to that relationship. Sadly enough but if she is not willing to help herself, there is not anything you can do for her other than just being there.

03-05-2012, 03:27 PM	#7
Russell James Drives: '15 SS 1LE, '69 Z28 drag car Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Mich Posts: 4,482	I think you have to be blunt and straight forward. Try offering to be supportive through an AA program. Try to get her to her doc for a complete physical to see what actual medical problems are there. Pain can be anything. If she is depressed, try to get her to see a specialist for that or maybe her family doc is good at treating depression. Family doc should be made aware of the depression issue. Most importantly, if you see her about to drink and drive again, do everything possible to stop it because she's going to kill innocent people. If she starts the car, call 911. Have her arrested. Tell 911 who she is, where she is going, where she lives.... Drunk drivers belong in hand cuffs period. Maybe a court ordered recovery program will be what it takes. Good luck, hope there is a positive ending here. She is really lucky to have a friend that cares. I'd tell her that also. Straight forward, you are lucky to have your friends in your life. Don't make some changes, you are out of my life.

03-05-2012, 07:26 PM	#13
molsonbrador Drives: 2010 Camaro SS, 2018 Colorado Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC Posts: 2,207	I feel for you. Lost some good friends to this disease. GunnyG may be blunt but has good advice. The 2 pics above, I've seen them up close and personal, just different models from different accidents. You're hurting, your friend isn't. Good luck to your friend, and you.

03-05-2012, 07:41 PM	#14
NYJETSFAN El Hefe Drives: Black Camaro 2SS/RS Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Maryland Posts: 1,067	I think your a great friend and at least you're interested in finding out how to help a friend who is definitely in need. Unfortunately, I had a friend in a similar situation. I tried everything possible to help him and nothing appeared to work. So one night, I called the police on him as he was attempting to drive away from a bar. The cop arrested him and he was subsequently fired from his job (post office) after that being his 4th DWI. I felt horrible for years because he has 3 kids, but I felt obligated to do something before he killed himself or someone else. That ended a 10 year friendship, but I can only guess how many lives I saved by doing what I did. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.