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Originally Posted by Scott@Bjorn3D
  
Ok this is how last night went with my just turned 16 year old. Her weekend curfew is 11:00. Well she calls us at 10:30 and says a friend has been in an accident and she wants to check on them. Says she will be home soon. So around 1:15am not a word from her. We have called her cell many times. So I start texting her. She does respond to that. Says she will be home in a while and they had to go to the police station. So I call my buds at the PD and they did not see my daughter there at all. She finally does come home but is parked in a car outside the bush line so we could not see them for about 15 minutes. Comes tromping in at 3:00 AM and wants to know why we want to have a talk with her.
We start talking to her and she keeps looking at her cell phone. BOOM Kathie gets pissed and takes the phone away. The kid is slurring her words, eyes glassy over and can't even stand up straight without rocking back and forth. And she smells of cig smoke.
Now I am the step dad even though I have raised her since she was 4. This is the 3rd time this week she has pissed me off and now has her mom mad. I say grounded until she moves out of my house after high school. But of coarse that will never fly. I did tell her and will try to reinforce it that if I smell smoke on her one more time grounded for 1 week.
All her friends she says smoke. I look at it this way, 16-17 years old smoking is againts the law and if they will do that they will drink.
Any input gang? |
She's just going thru the "I want to fit in and be cool" phase. She also probably thinks she needs to behave that way so other guys notice her and like her. It may even be that she has someone in particular she likes and is trying to impress.
First of all, if she is telling you lies about where she is, then that is definitely a reason for grounding. I wouldn't be as lenient as you were by simply telling her that if she smells of smoke, she'll be grounded until she is 18. Even if her friends do it, she needs to hang out with friends that can and do control themselves and don't smoke and drink.
The best way I've found that works in this situation is having a good foundation in Christianity by having Bible studies so she hangs around other children that control themselves. If she gets into that habit of Bible studies, it may continue on when she goes to college once she realizes those are the type of friends worth keeping for life. The friends she currently has that drink, smoke, party (bad influences) will fade away sooner than later.
Now I have seen girls her age addicted to the drinking and smoking at an early age and if it is not controlled can lead to other types of drugs when peer pressure is involved. Now remember this is all conjecture since I don't know what is going on other than your first post however I myself went thru a similar stage when I was her age.Furthermore three cousins of mine made some bad choices early on while in High school that lead them (well two of them didn't go but one did)to not going to college and doing drugs and alcohol while messing up their lives and those around them. Thankfully all three of them got the right kind of help (in their own ways) and are all in control of their own lives. They each took different paths of getting better but all of them came to a realization that they needed to get new friends and stop the bad behavior at some point. (I'm talking many years later) I'm not going into details on purpose since in the end, your daughter will have to be the one who makes the changes within her. You are on the right track in expressing your concerns on here to get some advice. I just wouldn't be so lenient on her for telling lies about where she was. And then make sure she does not hang out with those people who got drunk and smoked with her as long as she is living in your house. Lets hope she heeds your warning you gave her and decides what she did was wrong and won't do it again. However if she does, you have to follow thru on your threat, if not she will realize there are no consequences to her actions by you.... Take care Scott and God Bless.. My prayers are always with your family..
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Originally Posted by TJTKSDMJ8
I hated my parents for how strict they were growing up. Everyday was a study in the old battle of kid against the parents. I hated them for it. I wanted to be with my friends so badly...
I thank GOD everyday for that. I would never change a thing. To this day, my "buddies" that were allowed all the freedoms I wanted are either in jail, living with their parents(at 35-40 years old) or trying to stay away from me. (I carry a badge and gun for the Feds)
Be strong man...I love my parents everyday for it..
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My wife agrees with you on this one. Her parents were super strict with her and now she's a Pharmacist working for Walgreens and does not smoke and drink. Also she has good friends as well because of it..