[RubyCamaro]

I feel a bit better this morning, but only a bit. now you guys get to see the insecure side of me. I want my dance/exercise class back!!!!!! Mike turned in our gym membership & paid our fees yesterday. I changed clothes at work, came home, touched up my make-up, & got my door key fob then left to go to the gym. Immediately on entering I felt like a fish out of water surrounded by bears. The gym was full of body builder guys. there was no staff at that late hour. I walked over to a stair climber machine. It was all electronic, lots of buttons, no instructions, not at all intuitive, I had no idea how to use it. I felt like the day I got my new computer & could not figure it out only worse, I did not even know where to start. I thought I'd check out the weight machines. Surely I could use those. They could not be that different from ones I have used before. Wrong. I looked at at knee lift machine. I could see how to adjust the weight but not how to adjust the seat and who ever used it last must have been a giant. I stood around looking lost a while hoping someone would offer to help, looked at a couple more machines. I started feeling more & more like just bursting into tears feeling like I must have been crazy to think I would even like to do this. It did not look like any fun to do this alone not knowing a single soul. I just left. I sat in my car a while then drove to a local park. I could not even make myself get out & go for a walk. I was just too upset at myself. I wanted to talk to someone but could not think of anyone to call. I did not really want to talk to either of my sisters about it. I don't really have any friends. I tried to call my friend from work who just moved to another position but she did not answer. So I just sat there feeling sorry for myself. I came home mad at myself. Mike tried to talk to me but I was too mad at first. He said he would go there today while there are staff & get instructions on everything & go with me. That is fine but I'm still depressed. How pityful am I? I just don't like how things are in my life right now & I don't know how to change it. Job sucks, kids are away & one won't talk to me, no social support system...................Just sad. I know I have a lot to be thankful for but I just am not happy. Okay vent over.