[mikeyg36]

I was reading this thread on reddit and some of these punishments are hysterical. Any military personnel on here have stories to share?

Here are a couple of my favorites from that thread:

Marine Boot camp. We had a guy that somehow got his watch through the indoc (They take all your crap when you first get there). Well the DIs found out he had it when they saw him wearing it one day, so they put him in the squad bay trashcan and put the lid on it. Every time they walked by and kicked it he'd pop out with his watch and yell, "SIR THE TIME ON DECK IS ZERO-NINE-FORTY-FIVE!" and then go back into his can like the freakin' grouch from Sesame Street. It was really, really hard not to laugh at that.

US Army basic training at Fort Lost in the Woods (Leonard wood), soldier pooped while we were in the field doing exercises, Drill Sergeant of the platoon behind us accidentally stepped in said turd. Whole company had to stand in formation and watch the poor soul dig a hole 6x6x1 as we held a funeral for the turd. We did not have a bugle to play for the piece of shit as it was lowered so one soldier had to stand there making an "ok" sign over his lips and makes bugle noises. The soldier that made the crap had to bury the whole thing while the Drill Sergeant read a prayer. (It was quite a huge turd as well)

A service member was a total ****-up, to put it gently. Couldn't be on time, couldn't show up dressed to standards, constantly forgot professional courtesies, so on. When he was on his last straw, his squad leader pulled him aside and more or less started yelling, then stopped himself.
"No. You know what? I'm done yelling at you. It doesn't work. Stay right here; don't go anywhere." He stormed off into the company building. The phrase, "stay right here, don't go anywhere" is typically the precursor to something horrible happening when said in anger. The squad leader eventually emerged carrying a small-ish potted tree which he hands to the service member.
"You will keep this tree alive. You will carry this with you where ever you go in uniform. You will take it to PT, you will take it to chow, you will take it to work. If anyone asks you why you're carrying this ****ing tree around, you will tell them, 'It's to replace the oxygen I stole from everyone else.' "

Navy Basic Training. All of us are doing pushups. When the instructor says "down", everyone counts. When the instructor says "up", one guy in particular (the screw-up) is told to shout, "WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?!" The instructor told him to get used to it cause that's what he's gonna be saying for the rest of his life.
Inst: Down!
Us: One!
Inst: Up!
Guy: WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?!
Inst: Down!
Us: Two!
Inst: Up!
Guy: WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?!
There was a pool of tears from laughter on the floor below me.

My brother told me that when he was in basic, a Drill Sergeant yelled at this guy to "beat his face", meaning to do push-ups. Said guy had no clue it meant that, and promptly punched himself in the face, really, really hard, and fell to the ground. The Drill Sergeant had to walk that one off and my brother said you could hear him laughing hysterically as he walked behind a building. Not totally relevant, but I figured I'd share.