Common Tools Explained
To the unitiated, the workshop can be an intimidating place, full of tools you may not know what to do with. To help, here's a helpful explanation of common tools and their uses.
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
Done that.. twice on a senior project and yest it was a Cessna Vert Stab
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned cleco calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh*t!"
Done that..
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
Burned one up trying that, instead had the description happen with a pneumatic..
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
Or crew up a wing T-Brace..
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
Haven't done this..
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
Or stripping off rivet heads while being lazy on a repaint..
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
Don't forget the wire blades..
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
I have NEVER used this tool.. ever. PITA..
WELDING GLOVES:
Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
And really catch on fire easily..
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
Did it..kinda..
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles...used for testing wall integrity.
As the commercial said.. "I'm good.."
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
Or putting a hole in a new wing patch..
EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4:
Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
Screw that..get the 2 ton hoi-..wait a minute..
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.
40 of these are the reason WMU is in debt.. (hint it wasn't just the tools..
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
or better yet just plain cut it wrong/backwards..
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
THERE IT IS! 
CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER:
A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
Not to mention they..uh..bend..easily.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS:
See hacksaw.
Yeah... about those three types of snips..
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
Hey, keeps the screw/bolt extractor people in business.. and me deaf.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.
Why do we even have these when everything is a stipout screw?
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
Or beating that poor C172 hulk to a..hulk.. after you've given up hope of getting that access panel off.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
You mean they actually cut?
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
That, or the solution to pretty much every one of man's problems.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Or to chase the idiot pilot away from the airplane after the 15th "It's not done yet.."
DAMMIT TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
AKA the Damnit Car, the Damnit Bike, the Damnit Toaster, the Damnit C172R, the Damnit Piper Saratoga, the Damnit.. FAA..