Hey all! I've got some questions that I really need input on. I would talk to my friends, but honestly I don't want their opinion of my fiancee soured by talking about this with them. So, despite my better judgment, I am asking for advice on an internet forum, amongst my Camaro bretheren
I am getting married 1 month from today (and have my bachelor party in 2 weeks). The woman I'm marrying is wonderful and I couldn't be happier with her, but issues have come up surrounding the bachelor party.
A little background: My best friend is a girl, also. There is absolutely no romantic attraction, and we have never dated, hooked up, kissed, etc. We've been friends for years, long before I met my current wife-to-be. She is the best (wo)man at my wedding, and is really like a sister to me. She's always had my back and is pretty $*%@ awesome; I couldn't think of anyone better to stand up there with me and support me to start my life with my bride-to-be.
I also don't hang out with my friend with just us, just out of respect. We work together and sometimes get together in group settings, and my fiancee has met her, hung out with her, etc. She went to the bridal showers, and they get along/have fun. I should also add that I am 30 and not fresh out of high-school
Not that it matters, but it gives you some perspective.
Basically, my dad is planning the bacheolor party but it's really important to me to have my best friend there. We're going to a horse-race track, then to a dive bar afterward... so no strippers, no hotel rooms, no crazy stuff... really, pretty tame. My bride's dad and brother-in-law will also be there, so there is absolutely NO funny-business. However, there is a pretty major problem...
My bride-to-be doesn't want my best friend there. In her mind, she thinks that bachelor parties are totally off limits to women, regardless of where we're going, what we're doing, or who is invited. I even told her she could come to the dive-bar afterward and hang out with all of us (and invite her friends if she wants). She's stating that she trusts me, but that people do stupid stuff at bachelor parties and she doesn't want that situation to come up. She also doesn't want people asking questions about whether my best friend and I ever dated, hooked up, etc at the wedding. It seems to be a lot about what people think. I've never cheated, never given her a reason not to trust me... nor would I. I've been hurt bad enough in the past to know never to do that to someone else. It's causing huge rifts and we've been fighting about it for a few days.
I see her side of things, but at the same time I don't want to take a dump on my friend (who, again, has always been there for me and is very excited to be part of this whole fiasco). I understand sacrificing for your partner, and I've given up things that were important to me in the past (being a groomsman for one of my best friends because she didn't want to see me in a tux 2 months before our wedding)... but I feel like she should have my back here. It's not the 1950's anymore... gender stereotypes are changing, and I see no problem with it.
So, any advice? Am I crazy? Is she in the wrong, or am I? Middle ground? Any suggested compromises?
Thanks in advance, guys... sorry for the rant.