Dear Employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown
in the economy, Management has decided to implement a
scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early
retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged
People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be
considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced
Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early
Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED
as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings
for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive
as much SH!T (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Management has always prided itself on the amount of SH!T
it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive
enough SH!T, please bring this to the attention of your
Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SH!T
you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Management
