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Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time.
He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
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