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After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, & then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
> >> > Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> >> >
> >> > S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> >> >
> >> > ---------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
> >> >
> >> > S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > --------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> >> >
> >> > S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> >> >
> >> > S: Live bugs on back-order.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200
> >> > feet per minute
> >> > descent.
> >> >
> >> > S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> >> >
> >> > S: Evidence removed.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> >> >
> >> > S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> >> >
> >> > S: That's what they're for.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: IFF inoperative.
> >> >
> >> > S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> >> >
> >> > S: Suspect you're right.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Number 3 engine missing.
> >> >
> >> > S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
> >> >
> >> > S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be
> >> > serious.
> >> >
> >> > ---------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Target radar hums.
> >> >
> >> > S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Mouse in cockpit.
> >> >
> >> > S: Cat installed.
> >> >
> >> > ----------------------------------------
> >> >
> >> > P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
> >> > like a midget
> >> > pounding on something with a hammer.
> >> >
> >> > S: Took hammer away from midget
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