[springerpete]

Ok, I have a few things going through my mind right now so here goes. My dad is like John Wayne. He is a large man that doesn't take any crap. He doesn't like liars, theives and dopeheads. He showed me where the line was and I didn't cross it. If I did there was Hell to pay: working all day till well after the sun went down, getting your ass beat with a belt. or both. He was a hard working man and demanded respect.

Respect is earned but born of fear. Your kid needs to respect you above all else. If he doesn't then YOU need to figure out how to get it. If your not up for this then let ihim go now because he is up for the fight. 14 year olds are trying to find their boundaries and what they can and cannot do. It's your job to turn him into a healthy and socially functioning adult that knows how to make good decisions. Take my word for it, it may not sound like he's listening but he is as long as you mean what you are saying. I still remember some of the "old" sayings my family used to tell me while I was growing up and I whip them out on my kids every now and then.

Lastly, I don't care how smart you think you are. If you are not living your life right, your kid knows it and will not respect you for it. That goes even if you think your hiding it well. I'm not making any accusations. I'm simply giving observatioins. You are his role model, period. He will respect you if you act like someone that is worthy of respect. That crap of "Do as I say and not as I do." doesn't fly.

BTW, There are plenty of things that you and him can do together without you invading his space. You can still work on cars together regardless of what other people say. Kids that age are very goal oriented and will work very hard to achieve them.

So here it is in a nutshell. He needs rewards for doing well and consequences for doing badly. Above all else teach them that family is most important. Do it through deeds rather than words.