Originally Posted by The_Blur
As much as you're going to hate me for saying this, giving him one break from the norm will shake the attitude out of him. Start the day normally one weekend, but get into a situation doing his thing later that day. Participate with him. If he's on the XBox playing Halo, ask if you can try it. Let him show you how he plays and just have fun with your terribly statistics. Don't get too intense on him or try to have a talk about how you want the best for him. He doesn't need to hear it because it might not mean anything to him yet. Showing him that you want to be part of what he does might give him a chance to build a relationship with you.
Kids have an attitude because they see adults as disciplinarians. Today is not 30 years ago. We don't spend time at home working on the car. We spend time at home brooding over the work our bosses emailed us after we got home. All that bonding time you had with your dad working on the Chevelle is long gone. You don't do that with your kid, so you need to create the same experiences that they'll enjoy.
For perspective, when you come home from work, your teenager has gotten off of a stressful day of school. In fact, that day at school may have been more stressful than your day at work with the social pressures of daily life, material that isn't taught that well at school, and extra work when they get home. After 6 hours of school, they either spend another 2 or more hours of abuse at the will of an insatiable coach with the expectation that they'll put themselves through more abuse on their 2 days off. Now that they've spent over 8 hours of their day in a socially and mentally stressful environment with the prospect of physical weariness if they participate in a sport, they come home and just want to kick back just like you, but you want them to clean their room or wash the car or get a job.
There's the trigger. You're coming home from working 8 hours, and you're telling your kid who just went to a place that they'd rather not for 8 hours and you want them to do something else. A lot of kids say that you don't understand them because you really don't. They work as hard as you every day, but they don't get paid and only benefit in the future while you benefit biweekly in the form of a corporate check. You, therefore, are the last straw of their already crappy day. When they're 30 and out of college, they'll thank you for giving them the discipline to succeed at their jobs and lives, making them fulfilled individuals potentially with families of their own.
Until then, you need to walk a fine line, like your parents did. You need to tell them what to do so that they are compelled to go above and beyond expectations for the rest of their lives. You also need to motivate them to listen to you. Besides the need to tell them what to do, you have to give them some reason to listen to you besides shelter and food. Participate in their lives. Remember that they are unique individuals, just like all of us here on Camaro5. Many of us are adults who have the perspective that our parents wish we had at the age of your children. Because they are unique individuals, they have different goals and wants than you, so you need to give them a chance to explore those wants. You might want their room to be clean, so make sure that they make their room clean. That's them working for you. In exchange, work a little for them by participating in their desires, whether that is to be the best damned video game player in the world, to write lyrics for the neighborhood rock band, or to represent a country in the model UN club. What little you do to participate will make your relationship stronger, and they will show you the same courtesy and respect that they show their friends while still obeying you like you deserve as their parent.
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